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Grimsby Hackney Merchandise
Not real. Comedy Shop. It’s All Made Up.
Hello everyone and welcome to Grimsby Hackney’s newly opened merchandise shop “GH”. Have a browse around and see what takes your fancy. There are gift ideas for all the family and loved ones in your life, so don’t be a twat, buy something.
Mugs: £18.00 + P&P
Enjoy your morning coffee, a nice brew with your granny or put your spliff ends in a half inch of cocoa, while sixteen hours into an Assassins Creed: Mirage marathon, with our top-quality ceramic mugs. Several designs are available.
T-Shirts: £30.00 + P&P
Look cool this year with GH’s range of T-Shirts to suit all occasions. Great for Christmas parties, children’s school poetry recitals and funerals. Loads to choose from.
Front:
Back:
Racist Bingo cards: £4.00 each, £50.00 for a pack of 10 + P&P
Brighten up everyone’s Christmas with a “Racist Bingo” card. If you have an elderly relative, who has a go at all the world’s marginalised groups, cover your embarrassment and disdain for their opinions by enjoying a fun game over dinner. Let’s face it, you gave up trying to get them to stop in 2008 when their senility started to creep in. Just fill in all the insults your loved one is likely to blurt out over dinner, and the first one to get all five wins a prize or something. 2 points for racism, 1 point for xenophobia.
Spot The Ballbag Tea Towel: £30.00 + P&P
While you’re doing the washing up ladies, why not brighten up your day with the Spot The Ballbag Tea Towel. Once you’ve finished your chores you can sit down with the children and try to pick the pixelated position of my balls. After that, you can get on with cooking your husband’s dinner.
Will fit right in with your kitchen décor, just look!
The “Fucking Hell I Shat Myself” keyring: £10 + P&P
What better way is there to remind you to keep your keys with you at all times? The “Fucking Hell I Shat Myself” keyring organises your keys so that you can gain entry to your home as quickly as possible when you are touching cloth. Just what you’re looking for if your pelvic floor is shot to pieces and you haven’t been able to hold on to a turtle’s head in years.
Grimsby Hackney’s Insulting Responses badges: Prices from £10.00 + P&P
Have you been insulted by Grimsby Hackney? Were you forced to block him and report his article to Medium? Show all your friends how much you hate him by having the offending comment or response on your own unique badge. You can choose to have all the swear words obscured so as not to upset any Americans. We will even change the word shit to “poop” if you haven’t grown up yet.
Here are a few examples:
Remember, everything on here is interchangeable so, if you want an insulting response on a T-Shirt or a MuddyUm definition keyring, just say so. The world is your oyster.
Don’t forget this is not real and none of this merchandise actually exists.
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Special discount prices are available for my ever-decreasing list of followers.
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