Grandmothers Are Partying! Stress-Free Holidays at the Nursing Home

No kids and grandkids to ruin their reps

Ahh, the holidays. The hustle, the bustle. The gifts. Decorating and all that makes everything bright and light. Seeing family. Well, not this year. Because of the pandemic, some have had some silver linings. Like for example, those stuck in old age homes — if it doesn’t kill them.

My grandmother absolutely hates visits from our family at the health-related facility where she lives. Why might you ask? And no, she does not hate us. She loves us very much. But she loves us most when she visits us, not the other way around. She does not want us there. We ruin her reputation.

The thing is, she’s a hottie around the old folks complex. All the guys like her. Competition is stiff for the two guys who are still breathing normally — and can take viagra — yet not go completely rigid forever.

The “guys” think she’s in her early eighties like they are. If anyone saw us, the jig would be up. They would know she’s totally lying about her age and that she’s pushing ninety. She looks young for her age — always has. It runs in the family. She acts as though she is a teenager in grade school, and we are her parents driving up too close to the front door to pick her up — we could mess up her social life. She is always terrified when we do that.

So, when the pandemic hit, you have never seen an almost ninety-year-old woman jump for joy. I wonder how many other old folks are lying about their age to their friends and having this reaction. I thought most people would be sad. Nope. At least not our Granny. At least we don’t have to worry about her getting depressed.

This Friday night in the main dining room, there is going to be a blow out party. My grandmother told me one of her friends smuggled in some pot. And they are allowed to have alcohol as long as it doesn’t interfere with their meds.

I wonder if there will be any chaperones at this thing.

Now, I’ve added some coronavirus-related and fun stuff to help you survive the holidays (see below) while you miss your loved ones. It’s going to be a weird holiday all around:

• Two recipes from Medium publication The Cookbook for All — a main dish and a dessert. All you need is a salad and poof —semi-fancy meal!
• An article to help you understand COVID-19;
• Tips to make your COVID-19 holidays better;
• Best advice boiled down to one liners — time is of the essence this year;
• Bonus funny video SNL clip — I defy you not to laugh.

Here are two recipes from The Cookbook for All. The first is for the main course, Restaurant-Worthy Chicken Piccata by Patricia Davis. My grandmother loves chicken piccata!

This second one — the dessert course, is an awesome recipe for Marble Yogurt Cake from my friend Anju Sebastian, the editor of The Cookbook for All. It is eggless and butterless — but don’t let that make you think it’s not decadent.

Here’s the real deal on COVID-19, the science — what we know, etc. by Dana G Smith.

And, here are 5 Tips to Make your COVID Holidays Better Than Ever, especially when someone is missing from the chair at the table — or perhaps everyone by Greyson Ferguson.

And, here’s Some of The Very Best Advice, Boiled Down Into One-Liners by Jessica Wildfire — because let’s save some time this season.

And if you need a good laugh, Kate McKinnon did a bit on SNL reminding us about how optimistic we were for 2020.

Let’s hope with 2021 being the start of a new decade that it’s a bit more auspicious.

Jennifer Friebely is a New York-based content writer, marketer, and speaker covering stories from personal development, bully bosses, the Law of Attraction, marketing, and productivity to politics and music to whatever idea strikes. She has a 30+ year background in marketing and advertising and holds a BA in Political Science. Email her at [email protected] or visit www.successpicture.com.