Going Back To Grow With My Sons
Amazingly, reverting to being a teenager, I went back with all of the wisdom and knowledge I gathered mixed in with innocence over the years.
Inspired by:https://readmedium.com/i-want-to-be-playful-splashing-happily-in-the-waves-of-the-sea-ae64927fd100
I Want To Be Playful, Splashing Happily In The Waves Of The Sea
And she suggested: Preserve the childlike state of mind that helps to remove stress in your life.
She also said that: The psychologist Eric Berne developed the idea that people can switch between different states of mind. He found that there are three states of mind which he called Parent, Adult, and Child.
My mother had five girls and one boy. My father was forced to leave before I was eleven years old. I didn't get to learn a lot about males.
It was shocking when I became pregnant and learned that I would be giving birth, not to one boy but two — twin boys.
They are twenty-one years old today.
Raising boys after raising two girls was difficult for me. Being a female and knowing myself, the issues I faced, I could handle. Girls were more manageable for me to raise. The little personal knowledge I had of males didn't help. I couldn't understand why they did many of the things they did. I fought with my sons almost every day as they grew.
They wanted free will.
I had to teach them that everything comes with consequences, and as a child, both parents will have to pay the piper for their mistakes. Mostly the mothers. During my many fights, I became stronger and learned more about men than I have after more than twenty years with my husband. He, too, learn a lot about himself, seeing his traits in them and then remembering the pain after paying the piper for his silliness.
WWIII was about to erupt as they edged closer to becoming a teenager. They attend an all-boys high school. Testosterone levels were elevated in that environment, so a test of ego was more prevalent than all of the sixteen subjects taught in that school daily.
I learned that testosterone levels rages were higher in an all-boys school than in co-ed schools. Egos were tested often throughout the day.
I figured out that Weak women cannot raise sons.
Being innovative and possessing a solid will #Iintend2survive, I went back to my childhood to understand why males are the way they are. I believe that our teenage years help to make or break you.
So, I went back to their age and grew with them.
I couldn't stop life. I couldn't change destiny or fate. I couldn't be around them 24/7. But I could help them cope with life and everything else they face as males.
I encourage them to study their world. Be aware of all things concerning males, including their skin color. Being black would become a problem in certain countries in our world. Being a black male triples their problems. They needed to know how to survive in their world.
I created a happy and comfortable home environment.
They often rushed home after school with a few of their friends.
They choose good boys to be friends with.
That was a good sign for us.
As a young female, I understood that life, environment, culture, mindset, likes, dislikes, ego, friends, fear, confidence, or the lack of it, and choices were a few things that would have more say in their lives than their parents. I make them comfortable enough to think of me as a friend. They tell me things children often don't tell their parents.
P.S. Some of which I couldn't tell their father.
That was a good sign.
By not being judgemental and criticizing, I have allowed them to be themselves without fear. That action opens the door to self-improvement.
I believe everyone has a right to be stupid. But none have a right to stay silly. Learn from life's mistakes.
Amazingly, reverting to being a teenager, I went back with all of the wisdom and knowledge I gathered mixed in with innocence over the years. Going back with patience, I gained more understanding. By being gentle, kind, non-judgmental, and knowledgeable, I realized that I get more from them as a friend.
I understood that friendship is a valuable gift and can be a second parent to a teenager. Being comfortable in your company is important too. They often tell their friends things they won't say to their parents. There is no limit to what they will tell their friends. The opposite of their parents.
Wisdom aids in me moving back and forth at the right moment and time to teach the proper lessons.
I become a wise friend.
My husband was amazed and couldn't understand what was going on. I spend a lot of time with them, sharing their interest.
I enjoyed some, understood, and learned from those I didn't. Being their friend, I got many opportunities. Below are a few.
1) To influence them positively. A few friends tagged along too because they had issues with their parents, and it was hell for them. They thought I was terrific. I was fighting to save my son's life.
2) They followed much of my advice and learned to cook and bake their bread.
3)I am the go-to person if and when they have a problem.
4) We encourage and motivate each other to follow our dreams.
5)They listen when I talk, and I do the same for them. We are still learning from each other.
6)They think economically and are smart with their money while maintaining a healthy lifestyle.
7)They live and do most of the things my husband and I wanted them to do without knowing it.
The teenage brain is programmed to do the opposite of what their parents want.
Going back to their age and growing up with them turned out amazing for me, and I had a lot of fun. However, the piper and balance must be paid, like everything else. I have a few issues where they forget that I am the parent. Lol. I learned a lot.
Life lessons are in everything.
I am still able to go back to any age I want. When I babysit my granddaughter, I flip over, and boy, we have fun.
#Iintend2survive, so I did what I had to, unaware of the results or that it was possible. I wasn't even aware there was a name for it. Humans are resilient, and everything you want to do is inside of you. Don't underestimate your strength and ability. The power to change is in you. Find it!
Thanks to Dr. Preeti Singh for the inspiration. I hope you enjoy it and will savor more from some brilliant writers on this platform.
https://thisisanneliselords.medium.com/subscribe
https://medium.com/me/settings/promote-memberships
https://thisisanneliselords.medium.com/list/the-yellow-hibiscus-chapters-e77651e40adb