Goanna

Let’s not fight about how to say “lizard”

Today’s New York Times Spelling Bee letters: E, G, H, L, N, O, and center A (all words must include A).

Merriam-Webster says…

Silly little dictionary! Don’t you know goanna can’t possibly be a word if the New York Times says it ain’t?

For further fascinating facts, check out the Spelling Bee Master.

What’s your favorite g.n.a.w. from today’s puzzle?

My Two Cents

When I was growing up I thought lizards were the coolest animals. Don’t ask me why, but I wanted to have a lizard as a pet. I was obsessed with them for a while. I thought that if I did end up catching one — my parents would have never let me purchase one at a store — I would be able to train it to do amazing things. What amazing things, you ask? Well, that part I hadn’t thought out too clearly.

In 6th grade a wrote a report on lizards, which included a poem that, unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) I can’t find to publish here. In 7th grade I penned a short story about a talking lizard that travels with a seventh grader (me) to an alternate universe.

As I said, I was really into them. To this day, I haven’t figured out why. (Conspiracy theorists will point out that I am probably a member of a reptilian cabal that will soon rule the world. I’m still debating in my head whether or not I want to buy into that possibility.)

Toe-may-toe, Toe-mah-toe

Goanna is a weirdly specific moniker for lizards, since it seems to refer to the ones “down under” only.

There’s a reason for that. And also for the fact that it sounds suspiciously similar to another term used to discuss other lizards: iguana.

Iguana. Goanna.

Turns out goanna derived from iguana. No surprise there, right? I mean, I was a bit heavy-handed with my foreshadowing.

When Europeans arrived in Australia in the early 17th century, they did what Europeans do best: they figured anything that wasn’t from their continent was the same everywhere. Since they had already seen large, exotic South American lizards when they explored and pillaged that continent, they dubbed the Australian lizards “iguanas”. Over time, the initial vowel sound was dropped and the “u” was drunkenly slurred into an “o”. At least, I think that’s what happened.

Australians, by the way, seem to be in the habit of dropping vowels, as in the word possum they use to refer to an animal that is similar to — although from a completely different Order than — the American opossum.

Clearly the only difference between the two animals above is an “o”.

You go, Anna!

Goannas belong to the genus Varanus, of which there are about 80 species. Only 25 of them are in Australia and the rest are spread out over the world. Hmmm, maybe the Europeans did have a point…

These lizards vary greatly in size, from 8 inches to over 8 feet in length, and are oviparous, which is a fancy way of saying they lay eggs. They are mostly predatory animals that feed on whatever crosses their path: eggs, fish, birds, snails, smaller lizards, snakes, and small mammals like mice. The largest goanna, the giant perentie, has been known to kill kangaroos.

Oh, and they also enjoy wrasslin’ (see photo above).

These not-so friendly lizards are rumored to be venomous. Which hasn’t really helped them avoid becoming a meal, though. Australian Aborigines have always considered them a delicacy. Local customs advise catching lace monitors (a type of goanna) as they come down from a tree, before they touch the ground.

Goanna eggs are collected on riverbanks, and oil made from their fat is considered an important bush medicine. Of course, after Europeans realized this they immediately started selling it to early settlers, sort of like snake oil was sold in the Old West (and in Paul McCartney-Michael Jackson videos).

Some goannas are bred in captivity as exotic pets. And others have become celebrities.

In Australia, there’s a character called ‘Mr Lizard’ who appears in the children’s books Snugglepot and Cuddlepie written by May Gibbs’. He’s so beloved they erected a statue of him outside the State Library of Victoria.

And then there’s Disney’s The Rescuers animated movies, known for two things. First, a scene with a topless woman in the VHS release of the first film. And the much-less popular sequel (for obvious reasons) that included a bad guy called Percival C. McLeach. This Australian meany had a pet goanna unimaginatively named… Joanna.

Because we’re talking about Disney, I won’t upload an image of Percival or Joanna, lest I instantly receive a “cease and desist” letter from a dozen lawyers of the Mouse empire.

Instead, I’ll just re-post the photo of the wrasslin’ lizards. Enjoy!

You’ll notice I called them lizards and not goannas. That’s because the editors of the Spelling Bee saw goanna and said: “Gee, Not A Word”.

Check out my previous entry on words that g.n.a.w. at you: