HANNAH #13

Goals Can Be Complicated

And explaining them is a whole other matter

Just as I was thinking about how I could engineer a “take-two” in my relationship with Lucy, my dad’s girlfriend, and maybe even master the ability to apply it elsewhere, I got a big surprise. I suspect God was reminding me how important take-twos are.

“Reminding” because I knew from Alfred what take-twos can achieve. Alfred called them “keeping an open mind” as he remade his world in which I now had a prominent place.

Alfred’s newly found wisdom, enabled by Coach, culminated in these parting words to me, which I will never forget:

“Hannah, I know that you are unhappy about heading to Terre Haute, but just remember that an open mind is a wonderful thing. It will reshape your world if you let it.”

I was getting ready to email Alfred about my take-two with Lucy when my dad suddenly comes barreling in from work and has a question — and not just any question — nope, it’s a big one.

“Hannah, I’m just curious, what are your goals?” As anyone in my shoes would feel, this was a surprise. Why this question and why now? A conversation ensued (yes, I love the word “ensued” because it suggests an adult-like conversation), which I will definitely share with Ben.

Me: Dad, why are you asking this? Usually, when people come in from a day of work, they say, “How was your day?” Or maybe, “Anything interesting to report?” But not, “Hi Hannah. What are your goals?”

Dad: Yes, I can see your point. It’s just that the topic of goals came up at work today. I was told that if my group sets some goals, we are ten times more likely to hit them. They know this from a recent study conducted at an ivy league school — the kind you might attend someday. So, goals were on my mind, and the thought took me to personal goals. Why not up those odds too?

Me: OK, now I understand where the question came from. Do I need to answer your question this minute, or can I think some?

Dad: You can definitely think some, though I would have thought you’d have an immediate answer.

Me: Dad, do you have a personal goal to share?

Dad: Yes, and I’m glad you asked. I want to understand — really understand — you and Ben better. Since I’ve had the chance to spend time with you this summer, I realize how much I’ve missed. I’ve reminded myself, though, that it’s not too late. We have decades ahead which makes me feel better.

Me: Wow!

Dad: You seem surprised.

Me: Yes

Dad: And just to confirm, you’re not surprised that I talk to myself — as in how I made myself feel better. You’re only surprised about the goal itself.

Ok, this made me laugh. I think we all talk to ourselves. The surprise was that Ben and I were so much on my dad’s mind. I was seriously touched, which my dad must have realized because suddenly he held out his arms for a big hug. I walked right into it, and I honestly don’t remember a hug ever feeling that good. And then I knew I could answer his question.

Me: Ok, I’m ready to share a personal goal with you. It’s very recent — as in two days old. I want to be good at “take-twos.” Lucy calls them “do-overs.” Sometimes I come to a conclusion too quickly, and I need to rethink my impression. Alfred calls it “keeping an open mind.” You can choose how you refer to it: take two, do-over, or keeping an open mind. It’s all the same.

Dad: I love the idea, and I think we’re having our own take-two. I like “take two” best and not because it was your expression. It reminds us that we often have a “take” on our world that should be reexamined. “Do-over” sounds like we made a mistake, and that’s not always the case. “Open mind” is accurate but a bit boring, and nothing about you is boring.

Me: Thank you. I think you’re right that we may be having our own little take-two.

Dad: But not “little” because we are talking about a father-daughter relationship. I am curious how you and Lucy landed on take-twos. I mean, I love Lucy, but she is not a deep thinker and wouldn’t just volunteer this idea out of the blue.

Me: It started when we went shopping for groceries, and I began asking her about herself. I was trying to avoid the awkward silence we frequently have. My questions opened a door I guess.

Dad: Wow, I had no idea.

Me: Yep, I learned about her divorced parents and her brother, who she barely sees. I learned that she is a bit jealous of how Ben and I relate and also how “invested” — her word —you are in us. So, after we talked, Lucy suggested we give each other another shot, and here I will quote her exactly: “There are five weeks left for us to have a do-over. Maybe we can change our impressions and restart our relationship.”

Dad: You’re not embellishing Lucy’s words, are you?

Me: Not one bit. You shouldn’t hold Lucy in such low regard.

Dad: Heard. And to think that the question at work led to a discussion between me and my daughter where I learned about a discussion between my daughter and my girlfriend — well, there is just no accounting for where life and conversation can take you.

Just as my dad and I had finished our conversation, Lucy walked in. My dad was clearly not expecting her. “Lucy,” he said, “What a nice surprise! It seems like your day ended early.”

Lucy: It did, but I actually came to ask Hannah a question.

Dad: Hannah?

Me: I count too, don’t I, Dad?

After we got our bearings — which meant that we stared at each other with curiosity for a bit — Lucy shared that she wanted to read a book and hoped that she and I could discuss the book afterward. A client of hers suggested author Jodi Picoult. Her client said that teenage girls love Picoult’s work. “Otherwise, we could choose Marie Kondo which is more up my alley,” offered Lucy.

Now I was touched for the second time in the day. Here was a woman who only yesterday was reading People and Cosmopolitan and was now considering a book on account of me. I hardly knew how to answer Lucy’s question, but I chose honesty.

Me: Lucy, I am touched by your suggestion, and yes, let’s definitely read a book together. About the choice, though… I actually do not enjoy Jodi Picoult’s work though many of my friends do. In her novels, everything feels like a crisis, which of course, it often is, but I don’t want to read about it. I haven’t read Marie Kondo, but as I understand her work, it’s a lot about cleaning and organizing. I know I could use help here too, but again, probably not a good pick for us unless you really want to read it.

Lucy: I am going to read it anyway, now that I’ve decided books will be part of what I do. I want to pick a book that also sounds good to you.

Me: How about a classic like To Kill a Mockingbird or Huckleberry Finn?

We ended up choosing To Kill a Mockingbird. I never get tired of that book, and it will be my fifth time reading it.

My dad’s question about personal goals took us to some significant discoveries, made more real when Lucy walked through the door.

Atticus always tells his kids that they won’t understand someone until they climb in their skin and walk around in it. This comes up frequently in my conversations with Alfred. So now I am going to try and climb in Lucy’s skin — or as Alfred would say, “Walk in her shoes.” I’ll see what I learn.

This also means that if Alfred and I work on a play this fall about the wonder of discovery — Alfred’s suggestion — I will have something to say.

And that is always good news for a writer.

This is part of a series, “Hannah and Her Journey to Be Happy.” The previous is below: