Glimmer Questing
When You’re Triggered, Look to the Glowworm
Unfortunately, most of us are familiar with the meaning of the word “trigger.” Not in the sense of a literal gun trigger, but in the sense of a stimulus that’s caused something painful to come roaring back to a traumatized mind. Something like a slamming door that may be mildly irritating to most people can be a trigger to someone who is living with trauma lurking just below the surface. And that makes living a peaceful, happy life tricky.
Trigger sensitivity is just one of the ways that trauma insinuates itself into the brain, carving a groove of defensive alarm that’s really hard to override.
Think of it this way: our early ancestors had to spend the majority of their time warding off predators that were literally trying to kill and eat them. So, being tuned in to every little sign of possible danger served them well. So well, in fact, that you’re here today. Good for them!
However, the world we live in today is quite different than theirs. For some of us, a ringing phone can alert that same part of our brains that being chased by a tiger alerted in our deep history (not that long ago, in anthropological terms).
“Our brains have a natural tendency to look for the bad,” says Amy Morin, a licensed clinical social worker, speaking to USA Today.
“Being on the lookout for danger can help us stay physically safe,” she says. “But since we are no longer lurking in the forest hiding from hungry animals, we don’t need to focus on the negative quite so much to stay physically safe.”*
Easier said than done though, right?
What’s a Modern CavePerson to Do?
Much has been written (by people who are far more knowledgeable than I am) about how the brain that kept our ancestors alive is sometimes a hindrance to surviving today. And I’ve written about how our egos can act like untrained guard dogs in an effort to keep us safe, and about how our sympathetic nervous systems can become locked in a fight or flight / backward breathing loop that will keep us in a state of constant anxiety.
Call them tricks or hacks or whatever you like; these little bits of knowledge that I’ve found along my healing path have been vital for me in understanding how my own brain works and how to work with that sweet ol’ gray matter rather than against it.
Look for the Glimmers
I recently discovered the work of Deb Dana, a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in complex trauma.
In her work, she uses the word “glimmers” to refer to small moments when “our biology is in a place of connection or regulation, which cues our nervous system to feel safe or calm.”
Dana says, “We’re not talking great, big, expansive experiences of joy or safety or connection. These are micro-moments that begin to shape our system in very gentle ways.”
This was a revolutionary idea for me. I’m all for neurosculpting or brain training or anything that will help people live happier, more grounded and peaceful lives in which they’re not haunted by trauma. And this “glimmer” idea spoke to me. Loudly. In a voice that sounded like home.
What’s a Glimmer?
Even if it’s an unfamiliar term/concept. and even if you’re in the deepest of despairs (I’ve been there), you can still identify glimmers around you. Glimmers can be different for everyone, but there are some basic glimmers most people can relate to:
- a playful puppy
- a smiling baby
- a beautiful garden
- the scent of rain
- a shooting star
- the feel of a breeze
- the sound of a chime
A glimmer is a moment when, if even for an instant, things seem better. Maybe even better than fine. A moment when things feel golden and aligned and shimmering.
“You feel something happen inside,” Dana says. “There’s an energy that happens around a glimmer, and then your brain then marks it as well.”
Yes, But My Trauma…
Believe me, I get it. My trauma had me in its thrall for decades and I was virtually its slave. It dictated my every move, my every thought, and I clutched at it like both sword and shield. I resented the hell out of it yet somehow I counted on it to keep me safe.
This can be hard to hear, but your trauma, your addictions, your issues…they don’t want the best for you. They work to inflame your ego, lying to you and telling you that they’ll keep you safe, that they’ll keep pain at bay, but they won’t. They’ll keep you dependent and isolated from your true self and from people who truly want the best for you.
What will keep you safe is self-awareness and compassion and boundaries…things that don’t look that fun and sexy from the outside, but are really the truest, best work we can do for ourselves and the world.
So regarding those liars that are your traumas — it’s ok to let go of them. Learn from them, yes. Don’t squash them, but deal with them, then let go of them. It’s your birthright to feel good things and to be happy.
“Sometimes, people don’t want to feel (good feelings)because they know those emotions won’t last, or they might feel guilty for feeling good during a hard time in their lives,” Morin says. “But trust that it’s OK to allow yourself to experience them. Enjoy them while they last. And know that you’ll have more moments of joy in the future as well.”
More than “Positive Thinking”
Positive thinking is good. I’m not knocking it. But when you’re in a dark, trauma-ridden mindset, hearing “just think positive!” can feel like a slug in the gut. It’s like having someone walk into a filthy bathroom with a disgusting, overpowering stench only to say, “just spray a little air freshener!” Can they not see the reality of the situation? The bathroom is wrecked!
Yes, the situation may be dire. That means you have to get to work to figure out a way to change it. Think of glimmers as one tool among many that you can use to rewire your brain. Sort of like using a toy to distract a puppy who’s chewing a shoe. You remove the shoe from her mouth and give her a proper toy to reorient her toward positive action. You don’t just throw the toy at her and expect her to learn.
“The concept of glimmers is that recognizing small, positive moments over and over can begin to shape our system. This shift to recognizing the bright side can have a beneficial impact on our mind and health.” Morin says.
Get Your Glimmer On
In case you’re not sold, looking for and noticing glimmers around you can improve your life.
Morin says,
“It’s really good for us to have a break from our uncomfortable emotions sometimes. A little joy and some relaxation can reduce your emotional distress. That means you might be able to tackle a problem from a different angle because you see things a little differently. Or you might be able to talk yourself into doing something difficult, once your anxiety subsides a little. Less emotional distress can also help you take more positive action. And that positive action can help make your life better.”
So make each day a glimmer quest. Think of it as part of a daily gratitude routine that will enhance your life and rewire your brain.
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