Summary

The text is a personal reflection on coping with anxiety and complex PTSD, likening the experience to caring for a child.

Abstract

The poem "Ghosts" by Jenny Justice delves into the author's struggle with anxiety and complex PTSD, which she personifies as a child within her that requires constant attention and reassurance. Throughout the night, she is awakened by her anxiety, reminiscent of a parent tending to a newborn. She attempts to manage her feelings by not judging her anxiety and by engaging with therapeutic content such as meditation and Buddhism. The poem conveys the exhaustive process of self-soothing and the challenge of maintaining a sense of safety and stability in the present moment amidst the "rehearsals of trauma." Despite the repetitive and sometimes monotonous nature of this self-care, there is a glimmer of hope for moments of peace and the possibility of waking up without the weight of dread or abandonment.

Opinions

The author views anxiety as a separate entity that needs to be nurtured and reassured, similar to a child.
There is a sense of self-doubt regarding the ability to manage anxiety effectively, with the author questioning her own qualifications to handle it.
The author acknowledges the constant effort required to keep anxiety at bay, involving a routine of self-help strategies.
The poem suggests that the process of managing anxiety can feel temporary and insufficient, despite the attempt to stay present and peaceful.
There is an underlying hope that with time and repeated effort, a more enduring sense of calm can be achieved.

Ghosts

A Poem

She wakes me up like a newborn three or four times a night,

I do what I can to quiet her, to calm her,

I read that I should be aware of my anxiety not judge it, not give in to it, not let it control my life

that I should think of it as a child inside of me one that needs to be seen and told it is okay

I wonder if any child has ever needed to be told that it is okay 24 hours a day,

I wonder how many times I have to talk to this anxiety my anxiety, my feelings of dread, of worry, of not

being enough — not being good enough, not being enough for those in my life, waiting for shoes to drop, people to leave me

again, and again, I am supposed to calm down and talk to my anxiety and show her that she has support and

that somehow, this help is me and that somehow I am qualified

and will do the right thing, somehow I won’t let the bad things - and apparently the list is long and painful, the rehearsals of trauma as

they say — I won’t let them happen, but then I say to myself so she can’t hear me (she can always hear me):

how am I supposed to do that? As I put her back to sleep for the third time, fourth time,

fill her with YouTube videos about meditation, about Buddhism about recovering from complex PTSD, the works

and wait to see what it might feel like to wake up without a feeling of dread or abandonment

we cannot both be like children like babies in this — how irresponsible! — and yet

here we are, not one of us is grown we take turns and learn to share

but it feels placating, temporary, boring almost - and then I try to remember what I read, what I heard

about the moment and trying to show myself her, we, us, this, that nothing is bad is happening right now,

it helps a bit, we float outside of the children, the us, the anxious ghosts —

and strive for sleep and a staying and sticking, longer lasting peace,

and we wait to start the process all over again fresh in the morning, clinging to each other.

Jenny Justice is a poet mom who longs to bring poetry to life in ways that spark empathy, connection, joy, and feeling. You can follow her on Medium and at Jenny Justice, Writer. You can follow her poetry at Justice Poetic.

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