Toxic Workplaces | Productivity
Gas Lighting in a Toxic Workplace Is a Harsh Reality That Will Scare the Bejeebers out Of you
Sometimes it also forces you to question your sanity.
This morning started as a good one.
I woke up and got ready for work; the traffic was terrific, and my drive-time telephone conversation with my husband was jovial.
I got to work, parked, went inside — walked through the warehouse to rack up the steps on my Fitbit challenge, and said the usual morning greetings to everyone.
Cool. Everyone responded! Everyone seemed to be in a good mood.
People were even laughing!😁
And, someone was singing!
“God respects me when I work, but he loves me when I sing.” — Rabindranath Tagore.
Without warning, the day takes an unusual turn for the worst. And I find myself annoyed, unhinged, exhausted…and under-appreciated.
A good day might only last for one hour in a toxic workplace!
Simple things can trigger a White-house state of alert
I cleared off old notices, outdated policies, and an old calendar dated 2016 from the employee notice board in the lunch room to make room for the updated and new government and company policies.
Simple, right?
Nope!
About half an hour after my arrival, a colleague came to me with the old calendar in hand and raised overhead.
“Who tossed my picture in the bin?”
I recognized the calendar as it was being waved in the air, and I said, “I cleaned the notice board and threw out the 2016 calendar.”
I asked to see the calendar, thinking perhaps I’d missed seeing his picture on it. Or, perhaps I mistakenly overlooked an important company issued calendar.
He handed me the calendar, and I looked at it.
It is a group of little boys, one of which I’m informed is a 6-year-old him — I would insert a picture here, but that might be inappropriate. They were dressed to kill in their Sunday best, and I would’ve never known.
Oops — shoot me.
So, I apologized. “I’m terribly sorry; I didn’t know it was a sentimental calendar.”
So I took the calendar and wrote on a piece of post-it-note “do not discard,” drew an arrow, and wrote the person’s name. Then taped it onto the calendar.
That was possibly a bit of a “troll” move on my part in hindsight.
Anyhow, he seemed good with that. No biggie.
Enter gas-lighter, stage right
Another colleague who was with him said, “so sad.”
Huh! I’m in total disbelief.
“What’s so sad about that,” I asked. I was genuinely puzzled.
No answer.
So I called him out for doing it.
“Why are you doing that?” Why are you trying to make a bigger deal of it than it is?” “I’ve apologized — at least 2 times.” “Do you think I would knowingly and maliciously discard something sentimental had I known?”
Of course, again the 3rd party had no answer.
This behavior is called gaslighting — no one is immune to gaslighting
Gaslighting is the psychological manipulation of an individual. It is an attempt to sow seeds of doubt and discord in another person’s mind. It makes the person question reality, perception, and their own sanity.
This leads to feelings of intimidation, helplessness, and fear. It is the ultimate form of mind control.
The person in the above example is a gas-lighter.
They gaslight when their attempts to manipulate others through shame, guilt, and humiliation fail. They’ll do it again and again until their victim learns to be afraid to stand up for themselves.
Never let anyone gaslight you
When gaslighting occurs, your initial instinct should be to take steps to stop the gas-lighter and their behavior as soon as you can. You should feel free to protect yourself.
Call them out for their behavior and educate them on how they’re trying to manipulate the situation.
Hidden motives
I had to call out the gas-lighter in my case.
Because the gas-lighter tried to make me feel guilty and ashamed for having thrown away a 2016 calendar. Albeit, it had sentimental values — unbeknown to me. And no matter how many times I apologized, it was seemingly ineffective.
Perhaps, we should keep our sentimental properties off the public notice board to avoid stupid issues like this.
But you know what, I felt strong and empowered because I called it out.
Many people don’t understand the magnitude of gaslighting and its effects on the victim.
We need to speak out and be active in the fight against gaslighting.
It starts with you and me.
We must start speaking up. We must become involved. We must be loud.
Not just in our home. In our workplaces. In our social circles.
The effects are great
Gaslighting takes its toll on productivity, self-worth, social relationships, and mental health. It is a serious issue and needs to be taken seriously. We need to speak out and take action against gaslighting and gas-lighters.
It takes its toll on personal development as well. Studies have proven that the gas-lighter’s psychological manipulations lead to lower self-confidence, depression, and anxiety.
We can all agree that none of us are perfect, and we all make mistakes. We all tend to do things we do not intend to do. But does that mean that we should allow others to walk all over us?
I say NO!
That’s just my two cents.
It feeds insecurity. If you are a victim of gaslighting, ask yourself, “Am I being too sensitive? Am I being unreasonable? Is my reaction unwarranted?”
The gas-lighter will continue to gaslight you until you learn to be afraid that your reaction is unreasonable and unwarranted. This is called irrationality, so it is imperative to maintain rational responses.
It‘s’ essential to develop emotional self-control .
It is easy to feel powerless and give in to the gas-lighter’s manipulation. It is easy to be overly sensitive and emotional. But emotional intelligence is essential; it is one of the most important attributes that any person can have.
Gaslighting is bullying
Many people are afraid to speak up for fear of being shunned. This is a bad thing. Our goal should be to become our best selves and help our fellow humans reach their best selves.
We will accomplish this by speaking up for our best interests and speaking up for the well-being of others.
Speaking up has its rewards.
But you must become your own source of strength so that you can endure the shame and the rejection.
Love and discover yourself every day. The best way to do this is to step out of those chains you have made for yourself.
I felt empowered and strong because despite all my past insecurities, I was able to recognize the manipulation, control my emotions, and act appropriately by calling it out.
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