Toxic Workplaces, Like Crabs in a Bucket, Leaves You Fighting for Life Every Day
The sad truth is that you must show up.
To survive, we have to perform. We have to put in the effort. It’s a part of our jobs.
But sometimes, the job takes a toll on us.
Sometimes, the job consumes us.
We feel like we can’t escape.
Trapped in a cycle of exhaustion and overwork, we don’t know how to get ourselves out. The pressure is relentless.
We feel annoyed, unhinged, exhausted, overworked and under-appreciated.
We’re all in, but the reward; is seemingly futile. And every day, new rules, new responsibilities, new policies and procedures, new expectations, and new hoops to jump through.
We’ve all heard horror stories of office politics, backstabbing, and endless hours of nonstop and unproductive meetings. But we’re so desperate to fit in and be liked that we put up with it. We pretend to be okay, just to get by.
A Never-ending Cycle of Performance-based Hell
We feel like we’re being suffocated by the very thing we depend on to get through the day. We feel used and abused, and we can’t escape.
But instead of being physically trapped, we’re trapped in a mental prison — mental slavery. Unable to focus, unable to perform, unable to think, and escape.
We feel as if we’re slowly being strangled to death. The very life slowly snuffed out of us.
Dimming our shine.
I’ve been there. I’ve worked in toxic environments, and I’ve experienced the cycle of exhaustion and performance-based hell first-hand.
And I know that sometimes, you have to show up to work, no matter how much you feel like you can’t. You have to perform, even when you don’t want to. You have to pretend, grin, and bear.
Surviving Toxic Hell
And I’ve finally realized that the only way to escape is to fight back.
I’ve found a way to cope, and I want to help you do the same. I’m sharing the strategies that have helped me survive and thrive in the craziest, busiest, disorganized, dysfunctional, and most crabs-in-a-bucket workplaces.
Someone is always pulling you down. Someone is always trying to make you feel less than impressive or failing to give you the recognition and rewards you deserve.
And no matter how hard you try to escape, you can’t.
I still show up to work each day, no matter how much I feel like I can’t. I still perform, even when I don’t feel like I can take one more thing on. And most importantly, I’ve found a way to escape the cycle of performance-based hell.
When Push Come To Shove
Learn to identify the cycle of performance-based hell.
You don’t have to look far to see that the cycle of exhaustion and overwork is in play. It’s everywhere in the form of endless meetings, meetings that go on too long and too often, meetings that never end, meetings that are scheduled at the last minute.
It’s the office politics and the backstabbing. It’s the insane workload and the unrealistic expectations. It’s the constant pressure and the never-ending deadlines.
And no matter how hard you try to avoid conflicts, no matter how many times people come to you with problems, you find yourself having to deal with the same people and the same issues.
Recognizing Triggers
You know you have a problem when you’re feeling anxious and irritable. You know you need help when you get up and leave but can’t. You know you’re trapped when you start obsessing about work.
When you feel yourself spiraling into the cycle of exhaustion and overwork, it’s a good sign that your triggers are in play.
And the key is that your triggers can be different from person to person. You might be anxious after a long commute, or you might be tense after a stressful day at work.
Implement Coping Mechanisms
Here are some tips on coping with toxicity in the workplace. They’re in no particular order.
- Say no — “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that.” “I’m not going to be able to fit that in, I just can’t, and “I don’t have time.” Saying no doesn’t need an explanation.
- Delegate — Delegation is the key to success, and it allows you to set boundaries and focus on what matters most. I know it’s hard, but it will be worth it. It’s a skill, though a hard one, but it’s essential to managing the work that needs to get done.
- Take a break — Sometimes all you need is to step away from the situation for a bit. It might be the only way to get your head clear and take a fresh look at a difficult situation.
- Find a mentor — A mentor is someone who can help you cope with the craziest, busiest, and most dog-eat-dog workplaces. They’re not necessarily a coworker but a friend.
- Say what you mean and mean what you say — It can be hard at first. But the more you practice, the easier it gets.
- Talk to yourself — This may sound odd, but it’s imperative. It’s where you’ll find your voice. Talk to yourself like a friend. Use the first-person. Tell yourself why you’re feeling what you’re feeling. When you practice this, you’ll find that you can get in touch with your feelings and needs.
“On some dimension or other, every event in life can be causing only one of two things: either it is good for you, or it is bringing up what you need to look at in order to create good for you. Evolution is win-win…life is self-correcting.” — Deepak Chopra, The Book of Secrets: Unlocking the Hidden Dimensions of Your Life
- Step Away — Excuse yourself when you need to. It’s not a sign of weakness to take a break to cool down, and it’s actually healthy. So politely walk away. But make sure to return to the situation afterwards. Don’t leave things undone, or unsaid.
- Know what works for you — You may not be able to fix the company’s organizational problems overnight, but you can improve yourself. Make your own changes to your work style. And you can take a look at your own work habits. Then you can see if they’re holding you back.
- Set boundaries — Sometimes, it can be hard to say what you need. But when you do, you can feel a great sense of relief. It’s empowering to tell a boss that you need more time to do your work, and it’s empowering to say no to an impossible deadline.
- Take a stand — Sometimes it’s not the best choice to get in the way of what’s happening. That said, sometimes it’s not right to let someone who’s doing things wrong ruin your day. That’s when you need to step in. Learn to set an example. Be an example.
- Take responsibility for your own happiness — Don’t blame your work place for your unhappiness. If you feel unhappy at work, look at what you can do about it. Talk to your boss, colleagues, supervisor, and HR representative. Talk to yourself. And most importantly, let your life be about more than work. It’s about family, friends, and self. At the end of your work day, leave the work at work.
- Let go — Sometimes, you have to let go of a situation. Life is about learning to let go of people, places, and things. And sometimes, letting go leads to better things. Learn when to cut your losses and walk away from a toxic situation.
Stay Optimistic
If life at work is toxic, like crabs in a bucket, it doesn’t have to get the better of you.
You have the power to change your situation and circumstances.
If you can identify and change the ways your toxic workplace affects your outlook, mood and overall self-worth, you can make it work for you instead of against you. And that can help you make it through those tough times.
You may not change the job, but you can change yourself. And that’s what’s most important.
When you feel like giving up, look for the silver lining.
Only in the darkness, can you see the stars. — Martin Luther King JR
When you are struggling, you can find the things you’re good at and make you happy. You can be satisfied. Even in a toxic workplace, you can thrive where you are planted.
Remind yourself that you are working to live, not living to work.
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