From Rice Krispy Treats to Road Trips

Forging relationships with adult children

“Do you have any Rice Krispy treats?” I asked the hip dude behind the counter. He laughed as my son and I exchanged familiar and nervous glances.

“She’s referring to an incident that I got in trouble for at school,” my son explained to our customer service assistant.

“Right on,” hip dude replied, nodding vigorously. He knew the story without being told.

“Ya, it was a big deal in high school,” my son continued, “And now here we are.” He swept his arm across the counter of the marijuana outlet, signifying that what was once illegal and nearly got him expelled from school was now being offered at a trendy pot shop in Boulder, Colorado. Perhaps more significant was the both of us standing shoulder to shoulder at the pot shop instead of embroiled in a power struggle over if marijuana was a gateway drug and would ruin his life.

Indeed, here we were.

Let me back up a moment and explain.

As a sophomore in high school, my son got himself in a bit of trouble. A creative entrepreneur at school was selling Rice Krispy treats with a special ingredient. My son purchased a portion of one of those treats and was busted in the Great Rice Krispy Sting of 10th grade.

I don’t mean to make light of the situation because he was a minor and, of course, selling, buying, or distributing marijuana in any form, was against school rules, but the school did not handle this well.

My son was an A-student, taking honors and advanced placement classes. He had never been in trouble in his entire school career. He was dabbling but he was not the kid that spelled T-R-O-U-B-L-E walking down the hall. Some discipline, perhaps counseling at the school level, and wrap around support would have been sufficient. Instead, the school leadership decided to make an example of him.

Long story short, we went to bat for him and let the school leaders know what we thought of their heavy-handed discipline strategy. We pulled him off campus and he finished his high school career enrolled in community college as a post-secondary student. And the district paid for those courses. My son, despite our disapproval at his poor choices, knew we believed in him and supported him. It was a pivotal moment in his teenage years.

Part of our “rehabilitation plan” included family counseling for drug and alcohol awareness and several counseling sessions with an adolescent drug counselor. I suppose it was all good but I felt a bit foolish when the counselor’s lips could barely keep from smiling and his eyes from rolling as he assured me my son was not a drug addict and that marijuana was no longer considered a gateway drug. Well, so much for that D.A.R.E program!

My son and I fought about using marijuana — I thought it was stupid on all accounts and he thought I was overreacting. I worried he’d get in trouble again and he assured me he was “smarter than that.” We worked on keeping the lines of communication open, but it was hard! During that time frame, I learned a lot about how not to worry about those you love!

The path from worried parent and rebellious teen to where we found ourselves in Boulder Colorado perusing THC laced gummy bears and peanut butter cups is a love story.

It’s the story of hanging onto relationship as the prized possession in life when fear wants us to establish rules and order. It’s the story of knowing that “this too shall pass” but wounds and discord may linger for a lifetime. It’s choosing to see the end of the story while in the throes of the messy middle.

I did not want a broken relationship

Whenever I struggled with the behavior of one of my sons, or we seemed to butt heads in a battle that I knew could have no winner, I tried to remember that preserving a relationship with my children was more important than who was right. Ultimately, I knew I did not want a broken relationship. This realization always grounded me when I was angry or worried that I needed to put my foot down harder. This thought became the filter through which I poured every disciplinary idea and rule my control-oriented mind came up with during the wobbly teen years.

The Rice Krispy Treat episode is now a family joke and we can laugh about it. My son stopped using illegal marijuana but was quite fascinated with the idea of walking into a store and buying it to “elevate” one’s mood. I still think it’s kind of silly but I am glad that it’s legally available for those who find relief from depression, anxiety, and pain by using it in a responsible and safe manner.

A road trip means so much

So here we were just five years from the summer of “You don’t understand me,” groundings, school meetings, and tentative moments that could have rocked our relationship, to taking a road trip together from Austin, Texas to Colorado and checking out a pot shop together. I think it’s safe to say we made it through the teen years and came out on the other end with a stronger relationship.

Can I just tell you how thrilled I am that my son wanted to take a road trip with his mom? Can I tell you how relieved I am that those teenage years didn’t break our relationship? And you know what else is really cool? I have an adult son who’s a friend. Can you get from Rice Krispy Treats to road trips? Right on, man, you can!