From Flossing to Flooded: How To-Do Lists Became My Time-Sucking Monster

Can we even waste time?

Time is the bully that bullies the junior high school anti-bullying assembly speaker mid-presentation so severely that the crowd chimes in with the bully.

If time is a ghost, it haunts you by simply messing up your calendar. It would make you late to meetings, forgetful of events, and double-book you for activities you don’t want to do while spamming you with todos that you need to do. Whenever you confront time, it vanishes like a phantom of the mind.

Time will do what time will do, even if it’s a human construct. Words or physical actions cannot stop time, so why do we think we can?

Knowing this, we struggle with the futile task of trying to control time. Those who can are “productive.” But what does that mean?

Disclaimer: I may not be a productive person. Therefore, writing about productivity is like a philosophy major writing about how it feels to become an EGOT winner. Anyway, I will word-vomit my thoughts and call it “writing.”

Surfing the Time Tsunami

I imagine time as an endless sea where, at times, you can see everything in front of you as the view behind dims. Sometimes, the sea sends massive waves towards you from all directions. On the other hand, the ocean calms to a gentle ripple where you can look out and embrace its vastness. In these quiet moments, we tell ourselves that we can manipulate time and create waves if we splash as hard as possible. As we see our ripples throughout time, we create a false reality that we control our time.

We don’t.

Lately, time is definitely in the driver’s seat. As I age and navigate through adulthood with a wife and two toddlers, time feels more like a tidal wave that constantly has my head underwater. Each time I’m sent spiraling, I magically forget how to swim and realize that I’m not too fond of the water, and I’m not sure why I’m even in the ocean.

Since I cannot control time, I at least like to surf and pretend I’m riding the wave before drowning.

Speaking of morality, I know I am going to die. My acceptance of mortality keeps me grounded in the present. Each day we live is a gift. We should enjoy today’s gift before it becomes tomorrow’s.

The latter sounds great in theory but results in an obsession with time.

I could have longer days if I carve out more time in the day. As some squeeze a penny into a dollar, I want to squeeze 24 hours into a lifetime. I want to enjoy every ounce of time and use each atom efficiently. I want to stop, appreciate, and gather every rosebud I encounter, even if I’m obnoxiously allergic. Then, I’d genuinely seize the day.

Yet, time moves on too quickly. If I want to take advantage of my time, I have to figure out how I am using my time. I have to be productive.

Todoist Don’ts

I thought reading Atomic Habits by James Clear would help give me more time. I loved the book. It gave me great tools, such as Todoist, with which I have developed great habits. I created a flossing routine. I archived emails every day to reach inbox zero. Most importantly, I credit the book for helping me build a habit that led me to read every word in the Bible.

However, I never felt productive. I wasn’t seizing the day. I only documented my steps like a personal documentary version of “Chasing Bigfoot,” where I admit to the audience that I did not find Bigfoot at the season finale. Creating simple tasks for the sole purpose of being “productive” does not make one productive.

I’ve donated $4.99 monthly to Todoist for 3 years and have not done anything “productive.” Every night, prompted by a to-do, I would plan for the next day. I’d give myself minor tasks that I could check off my list and treat myself to the satisfaction of marking that I’ve done something.

Flash forward to now. I have 30-plus snoozed Todoist notifications for tasks that I keep ignoring. My phone would buzz in the morning to floss, then for me to check my emails and work out. At work, Todoist would remind me to drink water. At home, I set reminders to wash the dishes, do laundry, and cut the grass. I had weekly notifications to check finances, write, take pictures, and be social on social media. I had notifications to budget with my wife and replace my contacts each month. I would then add more tasks to be productive with my time, yet the more I added, the less productive I became. I still felt as if time was fleeting.

Conflating habits with tasks and productivity only makes you productive if you produce something.

If you have to use a to-do app to make time to smell the roses, you’re missing the trees for the forest. In this case, the roses for the garden.

I hoped productivity apps would make me realize what was wasting my time, and in a way, they did.

How am I wasting my time?

I spend all of my productive time with my kids. At 5 and 3 years old, I don’t have time or energy for anything else but my kids. The lack of time to write, play guitar, and become an artist flies out the window. Instead, I read children’s books, race, and wrestle little monsters into submission before bedtime. Once the kids are asleep, I trick myself into thinking I’ll get a second wind and pull an all-nighter to find myself waking up the next morning, repeating my day.

I tell myself if I only had more time, I’d be the greatest writer, guitarist, and musician the world has ever seen. I could even write the next Harry Potter and heal the world one word at a time.

But I can’t find the time.

The time I do have is devoted to my kids. As much as it frustrates me as a young parent to grapple with losing personal time, there will be nothing more significant than spending time with my family. All I do is for them, and when I lose sight of that, I hurt not only myself but also their future.

If I spend each day with my family, and it takes 50 years to complete one personal project, my time is well spent.

If time is like the sea, I want to be in a giant inflatable that I can link up with my family. We may drift apart sometimes, but I hope I will always be there with them as we float through time. I can’t waste time when I’m with them.

We can’t waste time. Time is a gift card with an undisclosed amount sent from an anonymous source. Whether you forget about it or spend it on what you want or need, time is already purchased. We may wait and save for a big ticket item to find out our gift card isn’t enough in this lifetime. So spend your time on what you can afford and make the best of what has been given.

If you’re bored, read my writings. I think I write cool stuff. Hopefully, my words will create a better tomorrow, one story at a time.