From Emotional Pain to Emotional Resiliency
Physical pain while working out leads to a greater shape and stronger muscles. The same way: emotional pain leads to emotional resiliency.
Our pain makes us stronger, more resilient and more grounded. Ask anyone who survived a catastrophe in life. The more pain you endure, the more you become strong towards adversity (there may be some exceptions as in all matters).
Dabrowski argued that fear, anxiety and sadness are not necessarily always undesirable or unhelpful states of mind. Rather they are often representative of the necessary pain of psychological pain. When we deny or numb our pain we only numb or deny our own potential.
The same way one must suffer physical pain to build stronger muscles, one must suffer emotional pain to develop greater emotional resilience, a stronger sense of self, increased compassion and a generally more meaningful life.
As Mark Manson wrote:
It’s only when we feel intense pain that we’re willing to look at our values and question why they seem to be failing us. We need some sort of existential crisis to take an objective look at how we’ve been deriving meaning in our life, and then consider changing course.
Without pain there is no growth and if one is after growth, one must be prepared for some level of pain: could be physical could be emotional. Pain is part of the process.
Remembering that everything comes in a matter of seasons, all things on earth being impermanent and temporary.
Here 5 ways to develop emotional resilience by Wellness Expert Tchiki Davis, Ph.D.:
#1: Practice flexibility.
It is about “going with the flow”. Few things may prevent or make this hard, among others: obstinacy, ego, fixed beliefs, expectations, and habits.
In this practice, it can help to keep in mind that maybe your life is demanding a “course change.” You do not control the world; you only control yourself. The only way forward now is to adjust your attitude, shift your thoughts, and create new dreams by being flexible.
#2: Practice being OK with discomfort.
When we are navigating a situation in flux, most of us will feel at some level unsure of ourselves. This is normal says Tchiki. Accepting ourselves and our situation is a good place to begin. Calm the inner voices of fear, blame, or resentment, and resist the urge to create drama around the uncertainty. Appraise the situation from a balanced place, realising that it is OK to feel genuinely uncomfortable at times. You’ll build emotional resilience if you use this time to practice accepting yourself despite the discomfort you feel.
#3: Learn from your mistakes and successes.
Trial and error is how we learn. Once we adapt to being somewhat uncomfortable, we can apply ourselves to the challenge at hand, which often triggers a flood of new ideas. We could jump on the exploration of positive thoughts, emotions, and ideas while remaining aware of the reality. It is not about being in denial but setting the focus towards constructive perspectives.
#4: Practice self-compassion.
In difficult moments, it’s now than ever the best period to practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself to maintain your self-confidence. It’s OK to take some time to release your disappointment/s or take a break from your routine. A walk or run in nature may be helpful for processing your thoughts and releasing heavy emotions.
#5: Celebrate your successes.
After all the work you have done to wend your way through uncertain times and situations, once you have initiated a plan that is working or picked yourself back up after a tough experience, celebrate your success with those who helped you achieve positive results. Give yourself credit for a “win” that feels affirming, and let joy sweep into your heart. Congratulate yourself and commit to continuing your success. Practice being grateful for who you have been, as well as who you are becoming.
Emotional resilience is about more than recovering from challenges — it’s about thriving in the face of those challenges.
And finally, this one can also be of use whenever and as often as needed — the legendary serenity prayer:
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference
Until next time, thank you for your time, and take gorgeous care of yourself
One love 💜✨
Find me on IG for daily updates and book suggestions
Sources of inspiration: Mark Manson — The subtle art of not giving a f*ck + Psychology Today