MAKING SHIT UP

Friends of Medium … Gone Wild

Following FOM’s many friendly successes what else does Medium have planned?

Medium’s latest wild idea has the well-heeled writers among us paying three times as much for membership so four times more loot goes to those whose stories we read.

Seems reasonable, so of course I signed up.

Several others probably have as well.

The program is blessed with the friendly name of Friends of Medium and many have taken to referring to it as FOM.

This is not to be confused with FOMO, or fear of missing out, which some of the less well-heeled, or frankly just disgruntled, Medium members may be experiencing with the FOM program.

But fear not.

The mighty Medium has many new and exciting membership programs up its wizard’s sleeve and will be rolling them out shortly.

There’ll be plenty of opportunities for the FOMO crowd — who passed on the FOM program — to return to a gruntled state (after being disgruntled for a time) once again.

FOM IMAM

Friends of Medium — I Made A Mistake

Pay the same $50 a year fee but you get to decide — AFTER READING — if the writer gets any of your money.

We’ve all been here: 1 — the story’s kicker is to die for 2 — the title knocks your socks off 3 — even the subtitle generates frisson 4 — the lead image makes your eyes bug out of your head

5 — you step into the opening line and …

… can’t wipe it off your shoe off fast enough

6 — the story goes rapidly downhill after that

But, being the kind soul you are, you stay with the thing for 31 seconds before bolting like a politician leaving a house of ill repute when the cops show up.

And here’s where the value of your FOM IMAM membership pays dividends.

Just hit the IMAM button and — covertly — the writer gets not a freaking penny of your membership fee.

You, yes you, get to spend that precious coin elsewhere, on a more deserving writer.

HA! and double HA you bad writer you! How dare you seduce me with your alluring title block and sexy pic!

FOM X

Friends of Medium X/Twitter

Same fee and benefits of regular FOM, but when you read a story not only does the writer receive extra loot but their story gets automatically shared with the wonderful world of weirdos on X/Twitter.

AND

An AI-generated message of hate goes with the shared story to all the Xers/Twitterers.

And, you, yes you, get to choose the hate-filled message.

Love anti-semitism? We gotcha. More a fan of LGBTQ+ slurs? No problem! Racist? Kevin and Karen step right, and White, up.

AND, there’s more!

Your tweet will automatically go to Elon’s inbox so he can support your f̶r̶e̶e̶ hate speech.

Who knows, maybe you too will receive the coveted Musk message of support for your hateful message, “You have said the actual truth.”

F-BOMB

Friends Boosted On Medium Biatch

You paid your fucking money now YOU, YOU, and nobody but YOU, get to boost who you fucking please.

AND

You get to drop the fucking F-BOMB whenever you fucking please.

So fucking boost your fucking friends. I’ve heard it wouldn’t be the first time something like this has happened.

Not on Medium of course, but elsewhere, someplace crime-ridden and scuzzy, full of secret societies and privileged castes, like an Ivy League University or some other dark and dank corner of the planet.

F² OM

Maybe it’ll be called Son of the Friends Of Medium

or Escape From the Planet of the Friends Of Medium

or Friends Of Medium — Part Deux

or Friends Of Medium Returns

This franchise could have more sequels than Rocky.

Let’s let the gold dust settle on the original FOM and see what happens next.

Maybe it’ll be Silver, Gold and Platinum FOM levels, who knows?

I heard that with the Platinum level FOM membership the help desk answers your questions in a timely, helpful and understandable manner. But this is rumor-stage stuff being whispered about at this point.

And, you know what they say.

All bad rumors are true. All good rumors are false.

And speaking of good and bad:

A MMBA (Make Medium Boost Again) prize contender.