WHAT IS A SOM?
Friends of Medium (FoM) Appeared. Then Came PoM and SoM. What’s Next?
AoM?
PoM and SoM are courtesy of Carlo Zeno.
PoM is Peasants of Medium.
SoM is Suckers of Medium.
Read his piece and all will be explained. Well most.
Now, I’m going to stand on the shoulders of a giant and add some other oMs that deserve to exist.
In no particular order, except alphabetical, comes:
AoM
Assholes of Medium
Previously known as either Clappers-and-Dashers or Clappers-and-Runners, these are the newly-rebranded assholes who give your stories the clap then dash/run/slither off without reading.
FoM costs extra but one can join the AoM club for free. Priceless.
Just act the asshole and hurt a fellow writer’s read ratio and (vanishingly-slim) chance of success and happiness on the platform and BOOM! you’re an AoM charter member.
BoM
Buttholes of Medium
See AoM.
CoM
A different kind of c-word of Medium.
Since Friends of Medium is taken I thought that Chum of Medium could be like FoM-light, a synonym-esque word, but with 1/3 fewer calories, but still leaving everyone whose stories the Chum reads wondering where their cool extra money went.
But no.
This is chum as in chum the waters.
If you sign up to be a CoM, Medium pays you. That’s because your stories get used to attract readers to other, better, more tasty stories.
By publishing this piece and mentioning Carlo Zeno in it I’ve automatically been enrolled as an CoM member.
Hey Medium! Where’s my money!
Skipping ahead a few letters.
You can add suggestions about DoM (should be easy) and EoM in the comments. Or, write your own story referencing mine and join the cool CoM club.
F²oM
Foes of Medium
What would Friends be without Foes? Just like, how would you know sweet without knowing sour or pleasure without pain or Trump without simple human decency. I could go on but I’m sure my point has grabbed you, like the Tangerine Turd grabs … well you know.
To become a F²oM all one has to do is find something to complain about about Medium and write a story complaining about it. Best if you tag all Medium leadership and staffers in your story.
Then watch in amazement as your stats mysteriously tank for months even though there’s no way the Medium algos can be adjusted to single out an individual and punish them like an errant schoolchild.
Really skipping ahead now because I’m a sensitive empath who senses your disquietude and abject lack of interest in this story going on any longer than it absolutely has to.
Still, you can still add suggestions in the comments. Yes, still. Or, write your own story referencing mine and join the cool CoM club. Yes, enrollment is still open.
PoM
Pest of Medium
You know the type.
They leave serious, even scholarly, comments on your snide humor articles.
They leave links to weird WhatsApp stuff.
And they drone on and on in an only-semi-funny manner about Friends of Medium and its many variations.
PITAoM
Pain in the ass of Medium
The F²oM vegan version.
SoM
Yes, SoM stands for Suckers of Medium.
But the age old question of what constitutes a SoM remains, and niggles.
Perhaps it is neither:
Nor
Perhaps it is simply someone who has read to this point in this story.
You decide.
