Free Yourself From The Shackles of Fear
The justice system proved itself to me, and I am eternally grateful
The Shackles of Fear
Fear can be paralyzing. Sometimes, it is subconscious, and we self-sabotage out of self-limiting beliefs. I have had to do a lot of self-work to free myself from the shackles of fear. I feared my own independence. Would I be able to support myself financially after my divorce? Would I be okay alone? Of course, in hindsight, I know I am competent. But, when we set out on new ventures, it is scary. It takes great courage. And people throw curveballs our way, especially when we are empaths. Being empathetic can be seen as a weakness, but it is actually a great strength.
I made a lot of mistakes. I am not afraid to admit it. But this is the school of life. At least, I am willing to learn. Many people are too stubborn to do so and remain miserable as a result.
My Early Chapters
I experienced abuse in my marriage, both physical and verbal. I tried to forgive and accept the situation for what it was, mainly for the sake of our children. I also believed wholeheartedly in the promise of death do us part. But, as time went on, I realized the trust was too far breached, and the damage could not be repaired. I was no longer willing to live in fear financially, fear of the unknown, or fear of spending my life alone. It was time for a change.
The Second Phase of My Life
Oh geez, did I ever make a ton of mistakes? No one gives you a manual to re-enter the dating world post-divorce. Insert foot-in-mouth. I messed up about as bad as it gets. Did I mention how many lessons I learned? This is the reason I became a relationship expert and coach.
I fell for every toxic relationship because I was living in a scarcity mindset, and I was far from healed. Now that I look back in the rear view mirror, I can see it all so clearly. Unfortunately, it took about seven or eight years of my life, countless mistakes, and near death to wake up and look in the mirror one day and say, NO MORE. I am no longer willing to live in fear. I am ready to take a leap of courage. I am ready to vote for myself. I am ready to love myself.
It took my last boyfriend’s anger escalating to the point of him brutally beating me. Me looking in the mirror to see a mauled image in the mirror I barely recognized. My lip swollen and bleeding, my hip completely purple. I could barely move my neck as a result of the whiplash. And I was unaware at the time that the worst symptoms had yet to surface.
At first, I was in disbelief. Then I felt sadness. I felt distance because I barely knew myself at that point. So many emotions flooded me. Anger crept in at one point — how could he do this?
I finally closed my eyes, praying when I woke, it would all go away.
But it didn’t. It only got worse.
I took my puppy out at 4 AM, his usual routine. I did not feel well but just thought it was my emotions and adrenaline getting the best of me. So we went out, took a short stroll, and after he did his business, came back in locked up properly and laid on the couch in a complete funk.
The sun came up, and I would normally admire the sunrise on the bay with great delight. But that day was different. I was indifferent. Suddenly, I saw a shadow of my boyfriend, who had beaten me the night before, creeping by the sliding glass doors, searching for a door that may be open. He did not have coffee in hand, and he did not knock. He was eerily trying to sneak in on me.
Fear Over Came Me
Once again, fear overcame me. Just when I thought I had found my voice and became tough in life, I was absolutely paralyzed. I knew I should dial 911, but instead, I ran to the bathroom, which was the only room without doors and windows, and crouched down. I texted my friend, the owner of the home where I was staying, who was out of town. He told me he had surveillance cameras and to hang tight while he checked them. Then he called me immediately and asked if it was okay if he called the police on my behalf. I said yes, but at the same time, I was terrified to hang up. I knew my ex had come to kill me. I stayed crouched down with my puppy in the bathroom until the police arrived just moments later.
I agreed to file a report for arrest. I was not willing to live in fear any longer.
The man who beat me was one who first created the greatest security I thought I had known. His family all accepted me. Life had all been going toward my dreams until the night he knocked the lights out of me. You can imagine how upside down my life felt.
The Final Chapter
Two days ago, seven months after the attack, I was issued a permanent court order of protection by the state of Florida. This was almost unheard of as neither the defendant nor I live in Florida anymore, but because the evidence of the battery was clear and the deputy testified on my behalf with photos documenting everything, it was apparent my ex was guilty. I am grateful for our justice system. This is just the beginning. I hope the justice system also prevails in his criminal trials. He has three or four felony counts and a misdemeanor against him in the state of Florida.
Final Thoughts
My nervous system has been severely dysregulated in the last year, both negatively and recently positively. I have experienced PTSD all over again, years after my divorce. It has been a horrific experience, and yet I have never felt stronger. I am proud of myself for having the courage to press charges. Going through with the court hearings and procedures is not easy. It rattles my nerves every time. This is why many criminals get away with their crimes. The victims do not have the courage to testify against their defendant, but it is crucial. We must overcome our own fears in order to seek justice.
I connected with my ex’s exes, who thanked me for my strength in standing up to him because they had been too afraid. He abused them precisely the same way he did me, but they hid. Fear is powerful. But it only has power over us when we allow it. We take our power back when we have the courage to look fear in the eye and say “NO.” Fight for yourself because you are worth it. No one else is going to fight for you.
Abuse is never okay — verbal, sexual, financial, psychological, or physical. Protect yourself, stand up for yourself, set boundaries, and walk away when someone is not respecting you. 💜
Call the Domestic Violence Helpline if you need support: Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
This is written in response to Liberty Forrest, Author prompt:
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I appreciate you so much. Please comment. I hope this was not uncomfortable for you to read; that was never my intention. I do think it is essential to speak up about abuse and to break the barriers of fear in every regard.
Peace & Light,
Libby
Huzaifa Irfan 🦋 wrote a lovely story explaining how some people are not meant to stay in your life forever.
George J. Ziogas wrote an amazing story about thinking before reacting in relationships. I hope you will write for my Relationship Column in Dancing Elephants Press; this is a phenomenal story!
