Forgiveness -The Vulnerability That Pays Us Back In More Ways Than One
Why should you practice forgiveness?
There are times during our lifetime that someone or a group of people have caused us pain. Sometimes our strong emotions bring us to hate the other person and at times our misery is compounded by constantly dwelling on the other person’s misdeeds.
How many times have we been affected by a friend’s actions which we then return by avoiding them and not returning their calls? Sometimes, we don’t always forgive and some may allow the memory of the situation to fester in us, and cause us to stress over the situation.
Forgiveness allows us to get closure from a difficult experience, and close the chapter on a period in our life that we would soon forget.
Yes, forgiving someone is difficult, but it may be a necessary part of the healing process. How do I know this? I went through a few situations in my life in which people took advantage of me mentally and physically. This person proceeded to waste my time and after ending the relationship, he went ahead and pursued the affections of my other friend. In time, instead of hate, I offered him my silent nod of forgiveness. It allowed me to release any pent-up emotions and then I was able to move on and even forget about him.
Some key thing to note is that forgiveness allows us to move forward into the future, and let go of all the negative emotions and baggage that affected our situation. It’s like a new skin. Forgiveness may help you move on with your life.
Everyday Situations Call For Calm And Forgiveness
Recall some moments that happened recently:
- Have you ever been cut off by a driver?
- Have you ever been treated rudely by a coworker or manager?
- Have you ever been given shoddy treatment by a server or retail clerk?
- Have you ever been treated unfairly by a family member?
There are countless everyday situations that may get under your skin and you may become irritable, angry, upset, and ready to lash out with angry words and other unmentionables.
Practicing forgiveness is a process and one may not get it right the first time around.
“To understand everything is to forgive everything.” Buddha
This quote from the Buddha is powerful because it tells us that we are not all-knowing. We don’t know why some people are rude to us. We do not know their inner secrets but we can perhaps try to have some empathy. This allows us to see that other people may have inner conflicts that allow them to make poor choices, and act out badly towards others.
We don’t have to be like them and lash out, too. Doing so will only stir the pot and may create more problems.
To be kind, honest, and have positive thoughts; to forgive those who harm us and treat everyone as a friend; to help those who are suffering and never to consider ourselves superior to anyone else: even if this advice seems rather simplistic, make the effort of seeing whether by following it you can find greater happiness. Dalai Lama
The other day as I parked my car on the street, just outside my workplace, a woman came out and angrily told me that she would be far happier if she could park outside her own house. Fortunately, I was parked legally and I knew that I was in the right. I opened my mouth with words of calmness and told her I would only be parked there for a little while. There were no arguments afterward.
Talking without anger or hot emotions may be a good option in cases where the other person may be unreasonable and highly emotional.
Forgiving Someone May Be Good For Your Health
Some studies do show that practicing forgiveness may have health benefits. Studies suggest that forgiving someone is connected to reduced levels of depression, anxiety, and hostility; reduction in substance abuse, higher self-esteem, and greater happiness.
There are tons of viral videos online which show people acting out badly towards other people because of slow service or other reasons. We all need to calm down and accept that certain things cannot change — such as a late flight arrival, or a missed connection. It’s of no use to berate flight personnel since they only work there, and didn’t sign up to get verbally abused.
Forgiving The Flight Situation
One year, we missed our flight connection en route to Trinidad and Tobago. It was not a good situation and my husband was a bit upset and in an unforgiving mood. We hoped to meet up with a former coworker of his who lived in this exotic country but we had no address and no phone number. As we waited for the next flight, another passenger overheard us and this man even knew how to find our former friend! Current data shows the population of Trinidad and Tobago is over 1.4 million and to find someone who knew our friend was truly a miracle! Had we continued to have been upset over the flight delay, we may have missed out on being friendly with other passengers — one of whom helped us to locate our friend.
Forgiveness May Allow You To Enjoy Life More
Small acts of kindness can go a long way. Not too long ago, at the local restaurant, the waiter forgot my beverage order. Instead of being upset, I calmly reminded him about my missed drink order. He owned up to it and waived the $6 drink price. Not only did I feel good about the action of the waiter, but he also benefited by getting a bigger tip!
Forgiving allows us to stop worrying about things that have happened in the past or the present. When we let go, we are open to miracles and other events that seem to be of divine origin.
There’s a special providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now, ’tis not to come; if it be not to come, it will be now; if it be not now, yet it will come: the readiness is all.
– William Shakespeare
This quote may be about acceptance of the inevitability of things we cannot change. Doing this mindfully may give us peace of mind and happiness.
Lord, grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Life is difficult sometimes. We may be able to experience a smoother journey by practicing small acts of forgiveness and later acts of larger forgiveness, which may allow us to have total happiness.
“Happiness comes when your work and words are of benefit to yourself and others.” Buddha
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