Five Months Alcohol-Free — Here’s How It’s Going

Hiking, cravings and a trip to the pub.

Has it been five months already? This month flew by and I overcame a few obstacles I had been facing before.

I went away for two weeks and didn’t miss alcohol

Granted the trip was mostly hiking in the Scottish Highlands, but my default after a long hike is to reward myself with a glass of wine over dinner.

Because that has been my routine in the past, my brain associates getting to the end of a hike with wine. These cravings haven’t gone.

What made it easier though, were the long days of walking where drinking wasn’t an option. There was only a small portion of the day, right at the end, where alcohol would have been nice.

Most of our days were spent in the mountains where we had to focus on walking, setting up our camping spots or stopping to rest and eat.

The thing that has surprised me the most

The absence of anxiety was surprising. This is a bit of an exaggeration, as I still have my moments most days, but eating out has been a pain point in the first few months of quitting drinking.

If you’ve read my previous articles you’ll know that I’ve had to leave restaurants halfway through a meal because my anxiety got so bad. I love eating out, so I felt disappointed that this was how my body was reacting without being able to reach for a drink to calm my nerves.

On my two-week trip, we ate out most days.

I purposely booked nice fish restaurants when we could, with huge wine lists. I would usually have loved to look through the wine list and choose us a nice bottle to have with our meal.

Meals out are different now.

We don’t spend as long as we used to in restaurants anymore because we’re not sharing a bottle of wine — once we finish eating we go and walk it off instead of ordering another glass. But there were many instances where I wanted to stay a bit longer, just to enjoy the feeling of calm that I wasn’t used to having when eating out sober.

I couldn’t believe how good I was feeling.

Practicing going to restaurants without drinking alcohol has given me more confidence that I’m able to better deal with these situations.

This shows how far I’ve come since months one and two of being sober, when the anxiety would rear its silly head at the most inconvenient of times.

The office day that ended at the pub

Like with restaurants, I used to need wine to allow me to feel relaxed in busy pubs.

On a rare office day, I would go into London knowing that I would have a drink in my hand by 4.30 pm and then I would feel alright again. This has made going into the office this year much more challenging. I have avoided it as much as possible.

In May, I went into London. I was having a particularly calm day and so when the team went to the pub afterwards, instead of leaving to go home I joined them.

I enjoyed it.

I surprised myself with how good I felt. I wanted to stay for longer to prove to myself that I could do these things now without feeling anxious.

The next office day didn’t go so smoothly and anxiety took hold of me for the whole day, but knowing that there are days when I’m absolutely fine, even at the pub, makes me feel confident.

Having a wine would have made me stay out longer, but hearing the next day of the arguments that people had long after I left when the alcohol took over made me realise I hadn’t missed out on anything.

I had enjoyed socialising with a clear mind and missed out on all the messy bits afterwards.

The next day I had no hangover, no anxiety and no fear of what I said the night before. I also felt as though I was just as chatty with or without the alcohol, something I had been worried about.

This has made me feel confident about the summer, knowing that I’ll be able to attend events sober and enjoy myself without drinking.

A colleague gave me a different type of questioning

While I was at work, I started to be questioned by a colleague.

Instead of the usual tone of judgement, disappointment or confusion, I could tell this person was genuinely interested.

When I told them how much I drank before — almost every day but rarely enough to get very drunk — they mirrored that they drink in a similar way now.

Wow, that’s impressive. I would love to be able to do what you’re doing — but I never could.

They voiced that they couldn’t give up alcohol, it just wasn’t something they could ever see themselves doing even though it interested them and they clearly thought they needed to.

It made me think about my old mindset.

I used to say the same thing. I didn’t think I could ever give up drinking. I thought alcohol had to be a part of my life for my life to be anything worthwhile — but I now know that isn’t the case.

I felt bad that they thought they couldn’t do it. Maybe one day they will.

Final thoughts

The successes of this past month have encouraged me to keep going.

I’m looking forward to more evenings out, dinners out and fun days in the summer without alcohol clouding my mind and making me feel low.

I’m more confident than I ever have been that I can enjoy being sober and that anxiety won’t ruin my experiences for me.

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