Five First Date Best Practices I Wish I Knew In My 20s

Nerves are not the enemy when you plan for your exited bodily responses.

When on dates, I spent most of my time trying to avoid rejection.

I asked expected safe questions. I waited for the other person to suggest seeing each other again. Yup, I tried too hard. Only to get rejected.

When the thought of rejection consumed my mind, I manifested it. I wish someone had told me more than the vague claim — you don’t have to force a pleasant experience. So, I would not have had so many dates go sideways.

If you want a different outcome, refresh your dating approach.

Here are five first-date tips I wish I knew in my 20s.

Creative research

My first few dates were a disaster — my approach was to ask the obvious.

I would ask about work, life, and family. I thought it was the best way to get the person to open up. It made some dates guarded. After all, I am still a stranger.

Now? If I arrange the date, I choose a fascinating location. These places are simple to find, since most businesses invest in a unique brand differentiator. I then begin by discussing the unique brand factor to strike up a conversation.

How?

I ask a “did you know” question referencing the date location. The person replies with yes or no (it doesn’t matter). Then, I explain why I choose the place. My explanation is either because of a particular thing they said while we were texting. Or something they posted online.

This approach usually leads to them talking about that specific thing. And this strategy is my usual date ice breaker to get a conversation flowing.

This way, I make my first question more unexpected before asking the typical stuff.

Try to have light, trivial chats. If the date goes well, you will have plenty of time to learn more about the person. Dates are more than finding the one. Hangouts are also about the experience, laughs, and memories.

A reaction heightened by your nervousness

Nerves mean you care about the potential outcome.

Most people dislike when they are nervous. They think it is the worse thing to happen to them. It will cramp their style. Sometimes, I assume it makes me look like a dating rookie.

Nerves are a good thing. The effect is all about control.

It’s common to speak fast when you like someone. It’s like your mouth links to your racing heart. But when you talk fast, you say more filler words. And your speed makes it hard for the other person to understand you. The other person feels steamrolled. They get quiet.

Nobody likes one-sided conversations. Most people on dates want to feel alive and have their attention engaged.

The fundamentals to confidence even when nervous:

• Take a deep breath before you talk.
• Plan responses for common first date questions.
• Say a little first to create opportunities for questions & remarks.
• Be mindful of your pace.
• Pause mid-sentence if worked up. Make eye contact and smile while taking a deep breath before continuing.

Feeling nervous is natural. There’s no reason to beat yourself over your reaction to a woman or man you like. Acknowledge your emotions to control your body’s responses when excited.

Focus on slowing your breathing to reduce your talking speed.

Rein in your enthusiasm

Your romantic interest is not yet your friend.

Many people think of everyone as their friend and ruin new relationships fast. Nobody likes it when your laugh outweighs the joke. No one enjoys a story that needs background information for greater understanding.

Keep your storytelling simple.

Busy stories leave new people confused. We like when a story has a beginning, middle, and end. We even hope for a plot twist to have us falling out of our chairs.

I would not have bored my dates if I had kept my stories simple. In the middle of my busy narrative, men would turn their bodies away. Then say they need to use the bathroom.

This detail slips your mind fast when excited.

Remember to have a few stories ready. If not, ask questions and wait for your turn to speak. When you practice cutting the other person off, they will let you carry the conversation alone.

Watch game show hosts in action on GSN

Game show hosts aren’t monotonous. Nope. They excite, create intentional fun, and change their tone often.

You won’t hear Steve Harvey ask a question and make a statement in the same manner. He wants the difference to be noticeable.

You may not have an accent. And voice changes may not fit your personality.

That’s okay. Account for short attention spans by changing topics fast. Or giving a compliment when your date thought you would ask a question. Variety maintains interest.

Remember, long pauses can lead to awkward silence. Keep the vibe of the interaction engaging and fun.

Reduce “in the moment fear” to make the move

My advice may seem like a challenge. It’s not. Let me explain.

Most people look to others for guidance on how to ask for another date. Or when to kiss your partner. I did this too, but it is risky.

Yep.

Many times you don’t have their confidence, luck, or experience. Winging it adds pressure. Anxiety creates hesitancy. When you are unsure, you are more likely to disappoint your audience of one.

Remove the pressure. Create a scenario that makes you and your date comfortable. Then make your next move.

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