First Month and a Half of Living on My Own…..sorta.

What I’ve learnt so far.

On March 30th I moved out of the home of a relative to live on my own with two roommates, who were complete strangers to me. Here’s how it’s going so far.

The Freedom Of Being Free:

I packed my bags that Thursday night after coming home from work. There was a sense of joy, happiness and anxiety all mixed into one. I woke up early that Friday, way before the scheduled time that I organized with my friend to pick me and my stuff up. I only had my two suitcases, a couple of bags and two plants that I had bought the week before. We were done in two trips.

Saying goodbye to my relative was an awkward experience. Through the entire process of me finding another place she was snarky, rude and generally apathetic even when she tried to help. So when she took back the keys to her house, gave me the second set of sheets I was using while I was there and loaded them into a shopping bag, the only thing I could do was give a small wobbly smile and walk out of the apartment building with an immediate sense of relief and lightness. I was tempted to flip the place the bird. That apartment had been a place of constant anxiety, fear and stress, and finally being able to leave it behind, to leave my relative behind if only temporarily was completely elating. I was so happy to finally be out and in my own space that I didn’t mind getting on my hands and knees and wiping the floors of my new apartment down with a rag and a small trash bucket.

Three girls, Three personalities, One apartment.

I have never lived with anyone outside of my family. Twenty one years with my nuclear family, 8 months with my relative and now 46 days with my two roommates. I didn’t know I would be living with two roommates until I was sitting on the couch and signing the lease transfer form but at that point, I was desperate. They are both from the Punjabi community and speak their mother tongue along with English and I didn’t know what to expect. I was prepared however for the worst. I’ve heard horror stories about how roommates may go through your stuff and may not respect your privacy. And coming from the situation I was in, where the relative didn’t trust me and continued to blame me for the unbelievable things, some of that may have rubbed off. Long story short, I couldn’t have been more blessed with two of the most chill, unassuming and unproblematic people to share a bill with. Funny enough, the three of us have similar experiences. Three international students that came to Canada with the belief that their relatives would be there to support while we found our footing in a strange land and in the end that didn’t work out. To be clear, I will always be grateful for the fact that my aunt decided that she would take me in so that I can continue my studies in Canada. She’s the reason why I have been able to get this far in the first place but in the end it makes me wonder if my mental health would have faired better coming here alone in the first place.

Back to my roommates, their experiences were very similar and many other international students that I have spoken have experienced or are experiencing the same issues with our relatives, who at one point where very excited to have us, in a couple months time change drastically. I wonder if the issue stems from us as international students having too high expectations from our relatives who in a sense barely know us and probably know us mostly through other family members, i.e. my parents or is that the relatives had no idea what to expect and what became the reality was too much to handle.

I believe that the answer lies somewhere in the middle. At the end of the day both parties need to learn how to handle their expectations. My godmother who has acted like my certified counselor / spiritual counsel for the majority of my young adult life said that unfortunately my situation was bound to happen. My relative was a someone who was used to living on their own and enjoyed being on their own. Inadvertently, I had intruded on her space, even though I was invited.

Now that I’m living on my own , I find that I am very protective of my space and so are my roommates of the their space. We share the kitchen but I have my own section and they have their own as well, so in the end I do see in a way where my aunt may have been feeling to some degree.

Where I am now.

So living on my own has been a enlightening and highly treasured experience. I love that I can come home to a space where I can relax and to people who, if not are happy to see me back safely ,are respectfully apathetic to my existence and will be mindful of their noise level while I settle in for the night. I’m happy to be in the area I am, right smack down in the middle of Edmonton, in many ways I miss the sleepy suburb with a bit more greenery and a little less sirens and construction but the library is a 2 minute stroll and my favorite trendy bar/ restaurant is a 5 walk. I learn a lot about my roommates cultures and they learn about mine and then after a enlightening conservation about cultural crossover, we all sit and collectively bitch about our crappy part time jobs we need to slave at survive.

Hello my name is Nerissa here on Medium and I hope you enjoyed my little tidbit on my little life. Consider looking at the rest of my work below and consider following me. Thank you all.