Finding True Love in the Modern World

Is there hope for genuine connections with all the masks we wear, both masculinity and femininity?

Being a man means many things, and so does being a woman. Since time immemorial, men are expected to be strong. Strong at all times no matter what. They must never show weakness — woe unto them should they cry in public.

As a rite of passage into manhood, one community had boys hunt and kill a lion. That was centuries before the world’s lion population was on the brink of extinction. The Maasai tribe of Kenya would use this show of strength and courage to woo girls as the boys became men.

In the modern world, a man is not only expected to be strong; the identity of a ‘real man’ is almost not humanly achievable.

From a very young age, boys are taught to be tough. They must not show any signs of weakness, especially around girls. When young boys express sensitivities or vulnerabilities, they are often told to ‘man up’.

Should they express concerns about hardship or struggle with certain things or activities, they are simply told to tough it out.

Sometimes manning up may mean suppressing their suffering. They no longer talk about their difficulties, not necessarily because they dealt with them, but simply because there is no understanding or empathy.

The Ideal Man

Having grown up with these ideologies, boys grow up to become men who do not allow themselves to feel. They hide their emotions behind masks of masculinity. They do whatever they can to live up to the social expectations and norms.

As grown-up men, they must appear indifferent in the face of danger, they must be, or appear to be highly successful, powerful, influential, and must never back down lest they appear weak; they must always be in control.

The Masks They Wear

Not every man is going to live up to these expectations. Hard as they work, disciplined as they may be, as a rule of nature, no one gets to have it all. Man or woman, you can’t have it all.

But we wear masks.

We don’t want to appear weak, so we act strong when we’re falling apart inside. We pretend to be in control when we’re losing our grip on things.

We keep our masks firmly on.

We go dating with our masks on. We want to connect with a man, an emotionally available man.

Vulnerability is sexy, I don’t know about you but I find vulnerability in men quite attractive. It is the key to creating a healthy, loving and honest relationship.

Vulnerability is sexy,

But you don’t see it when the masks are on.

Many women complain about their partners not opening up about their true feelings, most see this as an obstacle to deepening into intimacy with their partner.

Sharing Vulnerably

Being vulnerable with your partner or sharing vulnerably with your partner, your wife or girlfriend has many benefits.

Firstly, it relieves stress; it unburdens the soul and can be a key to personal growth.

Secondly and more importantly, it is a turn-on for women.

Women respond to intimacy and connection which is created through openness and deep sharing.

Vulnerable sharing is one of the things a woman craves most from a man, but it can also be one of the most difficult things for a man to do for the fear of being seen as weak.

Authenticity

When a man expresses their thoughts and emotions, women perceive them as authentic and it creates a deep connection. On the other hand, women know when a man is constantly hiding something.

It may not be anything significant, but it works in reverse. It breaks trust.

In authentic vulnerability, people become more trustworthy, and this is the foundation for a deep, intimate relationship which every woman longs for.

If men are not allowed to be vulnerable, they are not allowed to be fully human.

The reality of the matter is that men do have emotions. They have emotional needs as well.

They feel insecure, but they often struggle with shame especially when they show these emotions.

These men we so love fear being called a ‘sissy’ when they act less than strong.

They do not always have to be strong. They are human.

If we want meaningful relations that are genuine and authentic, we must let men be human. We must allow them to take off their masks still be men.

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