Feeling Lost or Stuck in Life? Ask Yourself These 3 Questions

There’s a way to crawl out of this feeling, and the key is to find a direction to move in.

The worst feeling in the world?

It’s the feeling of being lost.

It’s when you know you need to make a change but you’re not sure where to start. You know you want to move your life in a different direction but you’re not sure how you’re going to get there. All you know is that what you’re doing with your life, isn’t what you truly want to do.

I felt lost many times in my life.

I felt lost after university. I felt lost while working at Google. I felt lost while backpacking through Central America. I felt lost after quitting my job to start my own business.

But there’s a way to crawl out of this feeling, and the key is to find a direction to move in. These three questions can guide you there.

Question #1: What experiences do I want in my life?

“Things” break. We buy things to make us happy, but they end up sitting in the corner of our rooms collecting dust only to be forgotten over time.

Experiences though, they live with us forever.

Through experiences, we grow, curate memories, build relationships and gain wisdom in life. That’s because experiences push us out of our comfort zone while giving us a chance to learn more about ourselves.

Reading a book is an experience. Solo travel is an experience. Blogging is an experience. Starting a company is an experience. Volunteering is an experience. Changing jobs is an experience. Moving to a new country is an experience. Learning a new language is an experience. Going with a friend to a painting class is an experience.

When you indulge in a new experience, you are destined to come out of it with a new insight — one that you wouldn’t have realized had you not participated in that experience. And it’s only through an experience that you can learn what you enjoy doing, what you like and dislike.

You’ll discover what’s important to you, what matters in your life, what your talents are, what you struggle with, what you’re truly passionate about and ultimately — who you are.

What all the above experiences have in common is this: they stretch us.

“A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions” — Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

After graduating from university with a business degree, I had no idea what to do with my life. So I opened my journal and asked myself:

“What experiences do I want in my 20's?”

I wanted to explore as much of the world as I can and experience living in as many countries as I could. So over the next few years, I alternated between working and studying in Canada, India, France, Hong Kong, and Ireland.

How did it stretch me? It exposed me to new cultures, made me a more adaptable person and gave me the gift of making friends worldwide.

A few years ago, while working, I felt lost and restless again. I knew I wasn’t in the right mind space, so I took out a sheet of paper and asked myself:

“What experiences do I want next in my life?”

Starting my own business was one. So at 29, I quit my job and got to work. And that experience has taught me a whole lot about myself.

→ My advice: If you’re lost, take some time to list the experience you crave in your life. Evaluate them, choose one and then go out and make it happen.

Question #2: What am I good at and what kind of work do I enjoy doing?

Too often, we get carried away with the idea that we need to find “what it is we love most in life” and do it. And too often we end up working a job we hate and think we’re “stuck” in it.

But the reality is you’re never really “stuck”. That’s just an illusion. It’s the story we tell ourselves over and over again until we believe it to be true.

The key is to find a field you enjoy.

Ask yourself what you’re good at and what kind of work do you enjoy doing. And then:

Find the intersection point.

If you’re good at presentations and enjoy the creative design thinking process, but you’re “stuck” behind a desk crunching number all day, find a way to move into a story-telling role within the creative industry.

If you’re good at organizing events and enjoy sports management, but you’re “stuck” in an advertising sales job that you hate, find a way to move into an events role within the sporting industry.

My first post-college job was at Kraft Foods. I hated it. And since I was a natural people-person and enjoyed the creative marketing field, I found a way to get into digital marketing at Google (this is how I did it).

→ My advice: Life is short, so you should never spend it doing something you hate. If you know what you’re good at and what you enjoy, then find a way to transform that into your job.

And if you don’t, well, you know what to do — go back to question one and list what experiences you want in life; they’ll help you learn more about yourself to ultimately answer question number two.

Question #3: What can I give back to the world?

I believe that fullness in life comes from following our calling.

You can call it a dream, or gift, or purpose. Whatever it is, you must chase it. Because it’s this calling that will give you a chance to give back to the world, and fulfillment happens when you give more in life that you take from it.

It took me years to understand what I want to give. Eventually, I used this exercise to help me surface the answer, and so I finally figured out that writing was my calling.

The goal is to find your calling — that “one thing” you love so much that you do it without any expectation to come out of it.

It could be writing, or painting, or public speaking, or running, or reaching dancing, or doing charity work. Whatever it is — it’s your contribution to the world.

So go ahead and ask yourself:

How do I want to contribute to our world? How can I give back to the world? What can I contribute to make an impact for the people around me?

If you still don’t know your one thing, you can leverage the pursuit of your experiences to give back to the world.

When you volunteer, you give your time to help someone in need. When you travel to a new country and chat with locals, you give them an opportunity to learn more about your culture. When you share your uplifting poems with the world, you give people the chance to feel something positive.

When I write an article, I use my words to give advice and inspire someone out there who needs to hear them.

→ My advice: Find your calling, and then use it to give more to the world. You will feel much more fulfilled in your life if you do.

→ One more thing: I write to help you become your best self and inspire you to live a life that’s true to you — join my weekly digest to stay in touch.