FAQs About Mount Rushmore’s Enormous Underground Quadruple Penis
Q. How far underground is the sculpture, and how does one get to it?
A. The four phalluses are located 200 feet below ground, and you reach them by an elevator journey entitled “The Descent to Glory.” Going down into the rich silence of the “Chiefs’ Chamber” often casts a reverential hush over guests, and in this hush, many claim to hear the throbbing heartbeat of our nation.
Q. Why did the artist choose to work with granite?
A. Granite, a type of igneous rock, is extremely slow to erode, making it an excellent medium for representing the endurance and vitality of the United States of America.
Q. Can I touch it?
A. Visitors were permitted to touch the phalluses up until 1979, but since guests frequently etched or rubbed their names into the granite, or removed pieces for souvenirs, direct contact is no longer allowed. The sculpture is now guarded by a decorative moat: “The Little Reflecting Pool.” This pool is fed by a perpetual flow of drips, precisely one per second. The “tick-tock” of these drips serves as a haunting reminder to visitors that even for the greatest Americans, life’s potency passes quickly.
Q. President Roosevelt’s sculpture seems to point at the side of Lincoln’s, as if it’s an advisor, though shouldn’t it be the other way around, since Lincoln came first?
A. The phalluses are not in chronological order, but in order of national significance as understood by the sculptor, Gutzon Borglum. Borglum believed Washington and Lincoln to be appropriate bookends, or guardians, for the group. In fact, he referred to Washington’s and Lincoln’s members as “The Ample Shepherds.”
Q. Do you do anything special with the sculpture for Independence Day?
A. Absolutely. The phalluses’ urethral openings were designed by Gutzon Borglum to accommodate fireworks, and it was his dream that a dazzling display of “celebratory rockets” would be shot off in the Chiefs’ Chamber every Fourth of July for as long as the country endured. Thus far, we at the Mount Rushmore National Memorial have upheld Borglum’s beautiful dream.
Q. Washington’s, Jefferson’s, and Roosevelt’s are all really close together, but Lincoln’s is a little apart, like it’s thrusting in there to photobomb the group. Why?
A. This separation has been noted by many guests and is meant to reference President Lincoln’s main task: preserving the Union. The separation and the apparent movement, the “thrust,” are intentional and challenge our greatest minds to continually thrust themselves into the duty of keeping America the greatest nation on earth.
Q. Why is Lincoln’s in a chair?
A. The chair, named “Our Captain’s Rest,” was first crafted to imitate a large hand, the hand of “the people” in a pose of affectionate cupping, but this was thought to be too avant-garde for the time. Thus, the chair.
Q. Why is Lincoln’s uncircumcised?
A. This was a creative liberty taken by the artist. According to Borglum’s notes, the foreskin is meant to represent not only President Lincoln’s iconic top hat and his vast intellect, but also the heavily wrinkled and troubled brow of a man tasked with keeping an entire country from falling apart.
Q. Did Washington’s really come to a point like that, like the Washington Monument?
A. Correct. In fact, the Washington Monument, like Washington’s Rushmore sculpture, was fashioned after plaster molds taken of the first president’s body. President Washington’s unique anatomical trait, “the point,” became wildly popular in the early 19th century, and many Americans underwent novel surgeries to imitate the commanding apex of their chief.
Q. Why is Jefferson’s standing straight up in the air like that?
A. This stiff, vertical positioning references President Jefferson’s vast and rapid enlargement of the nation through the Louisiana Purchase, totaling an additional 828,000 square miles, stretching from the Mississippi River to the Rocky Mountains.
Q. When you stand in the presence of the four, do you feel small?
A. Yes. Indeed, people come all year round for this experience. And though it is humbling, it leaves you deeply proud to be an American.