Every Body is a Sexy Body: Life Lessons from Pole Dancing
It never hurts to have a few sexy tricks up your sleeves
I remember foolishly thinking 2020 would be my year. The previous year had been remarkable, and I was so sure that the year that followed would continue that incredible trajectory. But a few weeks into the year, everything went sideways.
So, when 2021 rolled around, I didn’t think that this would be my year. I hoped it would be better, but I had learned from 2020. I wouldn’t be the one going into the year declaring, Not even God himself could sink this ship.
In the first few months of the year, I fell into a depression. Work was going well. My children had been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder and were being treated. I had four published books out with two on the way, but I had run out of hope. I was grateful for the former and couldn’t account at all for the latter.
Our mental health often malfunctions without a direct reason. When we get the flu, we don’t assume we did something wrong. We don’t usually try to find a place to pin the blame. We just take it in stride. With anxiety and depression, we usually look around in vain for a cause — something to explain why we feel the way we do.
Therapy was an unexpected gift. While I intentionally made the appointment, the course of my treatment has been entirely unexpected. Not only am I doing trauma work with EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), but I’ve also explored different avenues of personal growth outside of therapy on the recommendation of my therapist.
I’m not shy about the fact that my therapist sent me to pole dancing class as a way to explore my sexuality without the need for a partner. I’ve had a lot of fun in class, and it’s been a hell of a workout. What has been surprising have been the life lessons I’ve picked up along the way.
It never hurts to have a few sexy tricks up your sleeve.
Wearing sexy underwear can come with a significant confidence boost — even if we know no one else will be seeing it. It’s an often-recommend trick that often comes with a noticeable improvement to how we see ourselves. Taking a pole dancing class might feel the same way. After all, it never hurts to have a few sexy tricks up our sleeves.
It may surprise you to know that most of the people attending vertical pole classes aren’t doing it for outward approval. While a few might show up to brush up on some skills to enhance their sex lives with their partners, most participants seem to sign up for pole dancing to try a fitness activity that is fun, sexy, and anything but boring. Rather than lifting weights or going nowhere on a treadmill, we’re dancing, spinning, and having a great time doing it.
Knowing that we have a fun and sexy new skill is a confidence booster — even if no one else knows we’re doing it. It’s the sexy underwear under our business casual or the coat of lipstick even if we don’t leave the house. It can make us feel pretty amazing even if no one else knows about it.
Deep inner work is the new sexy.
I don’t know who to credit for the expression deep inner work is the new sexy, but I came across it online and felt it resonate with me. Pole dancing classes are both fun and athletic, but they’re also sexy. What’s even sexier is doing the deep inner work and growing through our struggles.
This probably seems like more of a therapy lesson than a vertical pole lesson. Still, when I step up to the pole, I am not my problems. I am not my mistakes. I am empowered to take up space, to exist inside my body, and to own the sensual experience of being human.
On the one hand, these classes are challenging and require both strength and endurance. On the other, they challenge us to get out of our own heads and into our bodies. They challenge us to believe that we are worthy already and only need to own it.
If I just went to class, went through the motions, and went home, I probably wouldn’t get much of a benefit from them. Instead, I go to class, intentionally practice from a place of empowerment, and leave with a sense of confidence in myself and pride in my own efforts. It’s easy to let the things we do just touch the surface of our lives, but it’s incredibly impactful when we allow the lessons learned to penetrate deeper.
Every body is a sexy body.
No one weighs in or measures up in a pole dancing class. It’s just accepted that every kind of body is a sexy body. There isn’t one ideal body type or one approved uniform for doing it. There are women in platform shoes and women in no shoes at all. Women with angles and women with curves. It’s a beautiful mix of every form, and we are reminded through it that every single body is capable of being sexy.
In fact, I didn’t see any outward measures of approval. Every effort was applauded, and when someone struggled to get a move down, someone else usually stepped in to explain it in a different way or offer a helpful suggestion without condescension or judgment or shame. Understanding our intrinsic worthiness is a life lesson we should all learn, and pole dancing class has the unique alchemy present to teach it.
Creating an inclusive environment has a powerful impact.
The world acts like being inclusive is difficult, but it’s not. Because the studio’s paradigm is open and accepting, the women who attend the program are, too. Watching strangers lift each other up in support has been life affirming. There’s no sense of competition. Rather, we’re all in this together — learning from wherever we find ourselves in life. This type of environment feels empowering, even though there’s no way to be sure how it extends outside of the walls of the studio.
The world we live in doesn’t feel like an inclusive environment, but the spaces we create can be. We can create that environment in our homes, in our workplaces, and anywhere else where we find ourselves by contributing an attitude of openness and inclusion to those who are different from us. Our experiences may be different, but we all have much to offer each other if only we’re open enough to listen.
Practice makes progress.
No matter where we are in terms of fitness or growth, practice continues to make progress — not perfection. The goal of pole dancing isn’t to become a perfect dancer or to perfect a particular set of moves. Most of us show up to class to have fun while participating in a healthy fitness activity. The measure of our success is effort and progress, not perfection.
It’s freeing to know that we aren’t being tested for our skills. No one is judging where we are. We are all learning at our own pace, and it’s a beautiful thing to see.
Slowing down to savor life is a sexy thing to do.
The trick to pole dancing — as well as the chair and floor work classes — is to slow down. It’s the trick to life, too. In class, slowing down every movement adds sensuality to the dance. Each move is intentional. In life, when we slow down, we can take the time to appreciate our lives as we live them. We can be intentional with life as well as with dance — savoring as we go rather than rushing through to the next activity and the next one.
I didn’t expect to get life lessons from pole dancing, but I’m not surprised that I did either. Everything we do in our lives is an opportunity to learn and grow. Pole dancing fitness classes can be great for fun, a great workout, and sexual empowerment, but there are a few life lessons tucked inside it, too.
