Even More About Me — Doreen Barker

Yes, I’m a writer… but my main profession is a farmer and mentor

My evolution into farming came out of mental illness. While many farmers are running a risk of suicide due to the stresses of farming, I started a farm for my own inner peace. To say I’ve done this all backwards is an understatement.

I’ve written before about how a calf saved me from suicide. What I haven’t discussed is the raw truth behind it all. Farming is the by far the hardest profession I’ve ever done. I’ve working in sales and marketing, as a painter, a journalist, photographer, and even a mentor. Farming takes everything that I am and then some.

Some days, during the hottest of summer days, you’ll find me sitting on a tractor in the blazing sun to make hay for our harsh NY winter days. Life is all about planning six months to a year in advance, only to have those plans ruined in a single day by some fluke accident. I spend days pushing papers to get taxes updated. Hours updating record books. The to-do list seems never ending.

Sometimes, it gets extremely overwhelming. Things go wrong. Animals get sick, there’s difficult births, and sometimes we have to say goodbye to a beloved cow long before we are ready to say goodbye. This life isn’t for everyone. It’s really damn hard. It’s also very rewarding in many ways. I think coming from a broken heart and spirit helped me find more positivity in all this cycle of life.

Many think that farmers are just in it for the money. Some are but most of us have very little in our bank accounts, if anything really. What we do have is a sense of pride knowing that we saved a rescued cow or horse, that we nursed an animal back to health, or watched as calves developed into cows and began their own lineage. The best farmers are the ones that lead with their heart.

I’m a female farmer. My main priority is animal welfare. Every single animal born here on my farm is loved, cared for, and given the utmost respect that one can give an animal. I lead with my heart. Sometimes, I will lose one and my heart will ache for years. One in particular has left a gapping whole in my heart for nearly a decade. She was a very special cow to me. She helped me find myself when no human could. I miss her every single day.

I literally know 1,000’s of other women, and men too, that are just like me. They give their all, at their own peril, to be able to live this life. I know some that are struggling so much that they are on welfare just to get by while still working 70–80 hours a week to take care of their farm. Many are at the mercy of commodity markets, which fluxes more than the stock market. Many rarely make enough to pay all their bills and don’t have nice shiny new vehicles or tractors to drive. I’m one of them. I have old tractors and equipment. I’m new and all that is a huge investment to spend.

I’ve gone without. I’ve struggled to have nice things, like new bras and underwear. I’ve sacrificed so the farm could get established and grow. I’ve made friends and lost others. I’ve lost intimate relationships. Some question why I bother. All I can say is because this is the one thing I’ve done with my life that brings me pure peace, joy, and happiness in this life. It’s therapy for me. It’s never been about the money. It’s been about the dream.

So what’s my dream? My dream is to work with abused kids and battered women. To give them the same as I have managed to find. Not everyone has access to land and someone willing to teach them how to garden, raise a goat/cow, or how to make hay. There are very few organizations that can offer basic life skills based on food, all while providing a sanctuary type environment. It’s proven medically that gardening alone is good for depression and many other mental illnesses.

Someday, I want to establish a foundation to fund programs with education, licensed professionals, and all done on the farm. A therapy farm for healing, hope, and self sufficiency. A place where maybe, just maybe, I can help others heal from the traumas of life and provide a sense of self worth and independence.

Unfortunately, that all takes time and funding. Right now, I’m the only one pushing toward this dream. I’m doing everything within my powers to do what I can now. I mentor local youths, ages 8–19, who have unfortunately been abused in one way or another. I work with them on a regular basis to help them grow and develop, allowing them to explore farming in ways that’s up to them to decide if they wish to participate or not. I’m currently mentoring 5 children in that age bracket.

I volunteer that time. I invest in fuel to get them. Time to teach them. I don’t get paid a dime to do this. I’m not part of a program, yet. This kids have all come from friends, referrals, or friends of friends. There is a huge need for programs like this. Someday, I hope I can get this more formalized. With better resources, I could make a huge difference. Unfortunately, it’s a slow going process.

It all costs. When a brand new tractor needed costs $49,000 it gets complex and complicated very quickly. That tractor would provide a safe space in an enclosed cab to teach tractor operation. Unfortunately, I just can’t afford to do that without a lot of assistance. Loans aren’t an option thanks to the limited availability of funds to repay that loan.

I’m a farmer, with a dream. One that I don’t know will ever be able to come to full potential. I’m still out here working my tail off to get there. It’s my one singular focus in this life. I know right down to my very fiber this is needed. Teen suicide is ridiculously high and if I can make a difference to save one kid, then another, and another, I’m going to do what needs doing.

There’s my secret story. I’ve been saved by a calf and I’m sacrificing my life for a dream of saving someone else’s along the way.