From the Trump Family Playbook

Eric Trump Learns He Should Keep a Stiff Upper Lip

Well, not sooo stiff . . . An imagined conversation — bro on bro

Eric Trump was actually whistling a happy tune when his big brother Don Jr. caught up with him earlier this week.

“Bro,” Don Jr. said to him. “You seem happy. What’s up?

“Didn’t you hear?” Eric responded. “All the TV writers are on strike. All the shows have been cancelled. The late night ones. Fallon, Kimmel, Meyers, and you know who. They’re all too stupid to make up their own jokes, they need the writers. But they’re out walking the picket lines.”

“Fallon, Kimmel, Meyers, and I know who? I know who? You can’t even say his name, can you?”

“Well . . .”

“Listen bro. You are never going to get over this if you can’t even say the dude’s name. It’s Colbert! Colbert Colbert Colbert! Say it!”

“But I can’t . . .”

“Colbert! Say it!!!”

“Col . . . Please don’t make me say it.”

“Listen. You let this guy get in your head. And why? Just because he does an impression of you like nobody else. He’s got you dead on. He makes himself look like you. Right? Am I right?”

“Yes . . . I guess so.”

“Listen bro, the one thing you better never forget is you are a Trump. That’s your last name, isn’t it? Trump?”

“Yes, that’s my last name.”

“And what does a Trump do when things aren’t going our way? What do we do? What do we always do. Come on, you know this.”

“We sue.”

“We sue. That’s right. We sue their asses off. Look. You said you were going to sue Rachel Maddow for something she said. What’s the big deal? Colbert slanders you with his impressions of you, even if it’s spot on, sue his ass off.”

“You’re right. That’s what I should do. Sue his ass off. I’m going to call . . . Hey. Which one of our lawyers should I use?”

“I don’t know, man. Ask Dad. He’s got like a catalogue he keeps of all the lawyers he’s used over the years. It’s like . . . thick. He’ll know.”

“Great idea. I’ll ask Dad.”

“There you go. You do that. And remember — keep a stiff upper lip. Well . . . not so stiff Colbert makes fun of it, but you get the picture. Hang in there.”

But will Eric hang in? This stuff just really pisses him off:

And I mean, is there any question for Don Jr., it’s like father like son?