Why Do You Fail at Solving Your Life Problems

The key to solving life’s problems is to simplify them and take deliberate actions

Problems, problems, problems. We have plenty of them, but how good are we at solving them? Most people struggle with solving their life problems because they overcomplicate them when they have to simplify them and make their solutions more specific and deliberate.

Throughout my work experience as a business consultant and sometimes a personal development coach, I found that most people take problem-solving as a dogfight — either kill now or die forever.

They either feel they have to solve it immediately without understanding the nature of the problem, or they consider it the sole purpose of ruining their entire existence. As a result, they keep pressing on and amplifying the problem until they burn everything, including themselves and all the possibilities of simple yet practical solutions.

Another reason people fail at solving their life problems is due to ignorance and overconfidence. According to my experience, many people believe that because they have had certain life experiences or have solved certain problems in a certain way, they can apply the same problem-solving trick to all future problems. However, the reality is it doesn’t work like that, so many times, they end up frustrated and disappointed.

Problem-solving isn’t a skill you can acquire by going through more problems; it’s not a game of quantity and experience but rather a skill of seeking mental clarity, thought articulation, and taking accurate and effective actions toward a specific situation. It’s a matter of approach, not a matter of fixed trick or general intelligence.

There is no specific way to solve all problems, and there is no such person as the “all-problems fixer.” When I tell my friends I’m having pain, they ask me to take Paracetamol. Yes, It can reduce fever by blocking the chemical signals in the brain that indicate pain in the body, but can it cure stomach aches or depression? The same applies to work, relationships, or business problems. Each comes with specific conditions and patterns, requiring a different approach (mental model) to overcome.

So, how do you fix a problem effectively? Identify it clearly and build a clear argument about why you think it’s a problem.

There are different mental tools to identify a problem, but one of the best ways to identify a problem is to start by asking yourself, “Why is this happening?” It’s the nature of the mind to rush to an answer, and at that moment, you have to pause and ask yourself, “Is that so? Or why do I think so?” Listen to your internal justification and question it again. “Why do I think so?”

Let’s take the example of my friend Joe. Last time, he said to me:

“I think my job loss has caused me a massive problem. Now, I’m a single father of two kids with no income. In three months, I won’t be able to pay for the rent and the bills, and we will run out of food and shelter. I think my biggest problem is that my skills aren’t up to date and I won’t find a job. My biggest fear is that we will end up on the street.”

Did you see that Joe’s situation highlights the importance of identifying and clarifying the problem?

Clarifying your problem makes it concrete and sharpens your focus. Without clarification, you might end up in a loop where you think you have a problem when you have a mental block or are under the pressure of a bad decision and process made by someone else. Let me explain!

“If I had an hour to solve a problem I’d spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem and five minutes thinking about solutions” — Albert Einstein

A mental block vs a bad decision vs a problem

A mental block is an unknown idea beyond your awareness and one you are unfamiliar with. It’s either a concept you don’t know or a situation you don’t know that you don’t know.

Not being confident about your programming skills isn’t the real problem when building your software; rather, it is a mental block. With the right knowledge and guidance, you can gain more clarity, experience, and confidence in your skills and overcome that mental hurdle. Or you could find someone decent at programming and share with them a portion of your app’s future earnings. Building your app is separate from your self-confidence, and each requires different approaches to overcome.

A bad decision or design, on the other hand, results from circumstances created by someone else because they didn’t follow an effective process. As a result, they create inconvenience for someone else.

Your boss might announce a new sales rule for the company without fully understanding the culture of the company or the nature of the market, which might lead to fewer sales. As a result, it might create a struggle to reach your sales goals and bonuses.

What you are experiencing isn’t a problem but the result of a bad decision process. You can’t do much about it but suggest a different process or leave the job altogether. It’s not your problem but someone else’s mistake and bad judgment.

A problem requires a solution to overcome or will cause consistent pain to yourself or someone else. What makes it a problem is that, in many cases, gaining more clarity doesn’t solve the problem but rather takes certain actions toward dissolving it. Gaining more awareness about your debt issue doesn’t automatically or magically add money to your bank account. You must take certain actions to make the money and pay your debt.

How to solve most of your life problems

Once you have identified the problem, you have done 60% of the hard work. Then, 20% is for finding which mental model you need to solve the problem, and the remaining 20% is for taking action.

A mental model is understanding how certain things work practically and harmoniously. For example, overcoming a relationship and emotional challenge might require someone to be more diplomatic and sensitive to people’s feelings. Throwing a line of logic at your partner in a fight might not always be the right solution. Sometimes, a simple hug resolves the issue in a matter of seconds.

On the other hand, hugging your boss at work might not be as effective as developing a sales plan with figures projection that gives them the feeling you are doing your job. And for the sales plan, you follow the process of generating new leads and closing sales. If you overthink or complicate it beyond that point, you are thinking too much and setting yourself up for failure.

Most daily life problems have simple and obvious solutions. However, most people don’t choose those solutions because they get picky and want to solve problems with the most favorable outcomes.

When solving a problem, you have to focus your energy on the problem and not the most ideal outcome. If it’s a debt problem, it’s a problem of making enough money to pay off your debt. It’s not a circumstance in which you must shoot to be the next millionaire. Overcomplicating the problem freezes people or makes them go in directions that fail to solve their “main” challenge.

The last 20% is the most practical step. The problem isn’t solved in the mind or on paper. It’s only solved when the result of your actions resolves the frustration.

If your relationship with your kids is at risk, maybe it’s time to devote some time to them. If your bank account is shrinking and heading toward the red, maybe it’s a danger alert to put your CV together and send it out.

Nothing beats action, but proper action! That’s why you spend 80% of your mental effort, ensuring that the 20% of your physical effort will be spot on!

It’s okay if you can’t solve all problems; it’s wise to understand that not all problems are solvable on a personal or family scale. For example, my mom died of breast cancer, and we couldn’t do anything about it despite how badly we wanted to overcome that challenge. Despite all our efforts, life took its own course. Sometimes, life has to go its way, and that’s how it is. At the end of the day, you give your most calculated shot, but the rest might not be in your control.

So, go on, look for a problem, or make one. Take your time to clarify it, take action, and at the end of the day, mark it as a problem solved. Cheers!

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— © Nour Boustani 2024