Emotional Limiters
Boys Don’t Cry
Boys are taught to hold back their tears, in fear of being seen as weak.. To feel or express sadness is a “feminine” quality, many believe.. or any emotion for that matter,
The understanding of what a man is suppose to be: A soldier, not swayed by his emotion, Because these feelings will blind you from what matters most, despite your eyes being wide open..
Though “lust” plays its part in destroying trust, “Love” becomes a second thought to anger, The cycle continues, Hurt people hurt people, one of many reasons why we’re afraid to open up, The stereotypical man…
How do you control what makes you human if you do not consistently practice? How can you lead with Love if you have no experience with being gentle? How do you live life in its entirety as you water down the senses? Limiting your brain’s capacity to feel.. while desiring healthy relationships that require things that you cannot give,
I thought of why we, men, tend to glorify our hardships rather than peace.. I believe it is to be remembered, to be legends, As warriors would often tell stories of their fiercest battles... Though we do not always have to lead with our aggression,
Senseless violence over miniscule debates, Inability to show mercy, Exploding on others that are not to blame because the bottle just can’t be filled anymore, Consideration only for oneself, Fear of rejection, pride,
But it is possible to find balance in this, or a better way to live, We can be those well respected warriors while exercising empathy and vulnerability, Providing physical, mental, and emotional protection to our Loved ones, Being open to criticism, Listening and learning to further develop our emotional intelligence, Choosing not to harm the people around us due to poor decision making..
We can break the expectation that “Boys will be boys”, and create a new standard for future generations to follow, Because “men don’t cry” has always been such a ridiculous idea to enforce,
Allow yourselves to feel, Prioritize Love and care over hate and war, The world would be a much better place as a result.
Commentary:
I’d grown up being influenced by media, and the people around me that a man should have a hard exterior. I was taught to never allow anyone that was bothering me to see me cry because they’d know that they had gotten to me. It gives them what they want.
I was told to stop saying “ouch” when I hurt myself. I was confronted with anger at times when I actually needed Love and support.
It took me a while to create a “hard exterior”. I had never liked to hurt people, and still don’t, whether intentional or unintentional. I always loved to laugh, to make people laugh, and to give them what they needed, even if it was my last.
You learn to become a little selfish at a point when you realize that no one else has your back. When surrounded by your peers that have built themselves on the principle that a man should be aggressive, you develop certain qualities to better survive in this environment. Anything that draws attention makes you a target.
When you become a target, you either prove yourself to be a bigger man than the one that targets you or succumb to the intimidation and be bullied during your time there. I chose the former back then, and it eventually became a larger part of who I am, though in a much healthier way than many others.
I wrote this because, being a man that is emotionally intelligent, I often think of other men that are still victims to the idea that men should not be expressive of their emotions. I think of the men that consistently choose to live harsh lives, and tell stories of those hardships because “survival mode” is all they know.
With these thoughts, I also wondered what they would accomplish by telling these stories, and where the idea came from that a harsh life, or overcoming harsh circumstances, was a story to glorify. Thinking of myself as a “gentle warrior”, I thought of how warriors were said to behave in the past, and noted that those that were most respected had stories of their greatest accomplishments, many being scenarios where they were faced with certain death and lived to see another day.
Although overcoming harsh circumstances is definitely something to glorify, consistently facing harsh circumstances due to conscious decision making is an issue. When we place ourselves in environments where we can rest, the idea of vulnerability seems more like a strength than a weakness.
