avatarElle Beau ❇︎

Summary

Emily Post advises Henry Cavill on modern social etiquette, emphasizing respect, consideration, and clear communication to avoid harassment allegations while pursuing romantic relationships.

Abstract

In an imagined correspondence with Henry Cavill, Emily Post addresses concerns about navigating romantic pursuits in the context of sexual harassment allegations. Post clarifies that the core principles of etiquette, including respect, thoughtfulness, and consideration for others' feelings, have remained constant. She encourages genuine interest and mutual exchange of ideas as the foundation for getting to know someone, stressing the importance of observing and respecting the other person's responses. Post also points to the BDSM community's practices around consent as an exemplary model for clear and respectful communication. She concludes by reassuring Cavill that adhering to these principles will not only safeguard against potential harassment claims but also enhance social interactions.

Opinions

  • Emily Post maintains that the fundamental rules of etiquette have not changed, despite perceptions that they have.
  • She suggests that the key to pursuing a romantic relationship is to focus on the relationship rather than viewing the pursuit as a chase, which can objectify the person being pursued.
  • Post emphasizes the importance of never doing anything that is unpleasant to others, which is the first rule of etiquette.
  • She advises that sexual harassment often stems from aggression rather than misunderstood flirting and is therefore a matter of rudeness.
  • Post acknowledges that the BDSM community's approach to consent can teach broader society about respectful and clear communication in relationships.
  • She believes that by following these guidelines, individuals can engage in more enjoyable and comfortable social interactions, free from the fear of harassment allegations.

Emily Post’s Guide to Avoiding Harassment Allegations

An Imagined Correspondence with Henry Cavill

Image: Pixabay

“Etiquette is the science of living. It embraces everything. It is the code of sportsmanship and of honor. It is ethics.” ~Emily Post

Dear Emily Post,

I long for the good old days when a man could chase a woman without fear of being slapped with harassment allegations. There was just something wonderful about that. Now that the rules seem to have changed, I don’t know how to proceed. I feel like perhaps I should just avoid women altogether, but since I’m super-handsome and charming, that’s probably not a viable option. Please help.

Sincerely,

Henry Cavill

My dear Mr. Cavill,

Thank you for your inquiry although I feel that I must point out to you that the rules of etiquette have not changed, at least not as relates to the situation you have described. We never lost the requirement for being friendly, thoughtful, considerate, sincere, or respectful, although it seems that in some instances lapses of these are no longer met with raised eyebrows or being discreetly taken aside and reminded, as they once were.

As I said in my book, Etiquette in Society, In Business, In Politics and at Home (first published in 1922), “Consideration for the rights and feelings of others is not merely a rule for behavior in public but the very foundation upon which social life is built. Rule of etiquette the first — which hundreds of others merely paraphrase or explain or elaborate — is: Never do anything that is unpleasant to others.”

If you wish to pursue a romantic relationship with a woman, you are free to do so as long as you keep that in mind. I would, however, advise you to refrain from imagining that you are pursuing the woman (rather than a relationship with her) since it tends to give off the impression that you consider her to be prey, rather than an equal whose company you would like to enjoy.

If you would like to get to know her better, then take actions which will facilitate just that. Ask her about her thoughts and feelings, her interests and areas of expertise. Ask her about what she finds most interesting, what books she reads and what kind of theater she attends and tell her about your preferences as well. Ask her to advise you about a problem that you are having. This is how you get to know somebody.

At each step along the way, take notice of how she is responding to you. Does she seem open and engaged, or does she seem uneasy and stand-offish? If you perceive that she is finding what you are saying unpleasant in any way, then you must desist at once. Most sexual harassment is not flirting that has gone awry, but is a form of aggression, which is also rude. It’s your job as member of polite society to make all attempts to avoid making someone else uncomfortable and most definitely not to relate to them aggressively.

Interestingly, BDSM and other kink communities have an excellent track record around consent and clear communication and there is a lot we could learn from them. “Consent isn’t about just avoiding negative situations, it’s not about getting permission to do something, it’s an active process and collaboration between two people who respect each other to create the best experience for everyone involved.” Etiquette at it’s finest!

So, keeping all of this in mind, I think you can feel quite safe from potential sexual harassment allegations and will no doubt enjoy even more pleasurable social interactions, with both women and men. After all, the purpose of etiquette is to have everyone feel comfortable.

I wish you all of the best,

Sincerely,

Emily Post

© Copyright Elle Beau 2020 Elle Beau writes on Medium about sex, life, relationships, society, anthropology, spirituality, and love. If this story is appearing anywhere other than Medium.com, it appears without my consent and has been stolen.

Sexual Harassment
Humor
Women
Society
Satire
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