Easy Wood Chopping Axe Hacks for the Outdoor Impaired
I wanna axe you a question — do you know how to use that thing?
Chopping wood is a manly (or womanly) art that all outdoors enthusiasts should know how to do safely. Whether you are out camping, starting a bonfire in the backyard, or lighting a fire in the fireplace for a romantic evening, you will need to know how to chop wood. Here’s how to come out with your hands and feet intact!
Disclaimer: The author has been successfully chopping wood for over 40 years. But, although the wood got split, there were incidents along the way that resulted in screaming and spatter. Chopping wood is dangerous and you need to be careful.
This article in no way qualifies you to use an axe for any purpose, and is entirely for entertainment. Please be careful out there, and remember, anything you do is your responsibility, not mine!
I like My Axes Like I Like My Women: Sharp and Quick!
There are a multitude of chopping devices out there, from hatchets to machetes to axes to splitting mauls. Picking the right tool for the job can mean the difference between success and failure, and failure can mean loss of blood. Consider getting a new, sharp and well designed axe. The one I am using is a Fiskars Splitting Axe. You can find the exact same model of axe sold as a Gerber Bear Grylls survival axe.
I love my Fiskars axe. It is one of the best I’ve ever used.
Maybe you already have an axe. If so, check to make sure the head of it is firmly attached, and the handle isn’t ready to break. If the head flies off and strikes a bystander, or your car, or even an innocent pet, then you will feel really, really stupid and they might need medical attention. Or a body shop in the case of a vehicle.
Another result of axe breaking could be injury to yourself, of course. But that is to be expected when learning how to dismember arboreal timber corpses.
Make sure the axe isn’t too heavy for you. A giant old school splitting maul is going to take a lot more body strength to swing and aim accurately than a small, lightweight Fiskars with a hollow handle.
Choosing Your Victim, I mean, The Wood
All blocks of wood are not created equal. They need to be cut squarely so they will stand up and take their medicine like a block. If it won’t stand on it’s own, then you will be tempted to balance it, let go and swing fast! Oops, got your toes instead…
Even worse, you might decide to hold it with your other hand and swing one handed. Your plan might be to narrowly miss your fingers with a heavy cutting edge designed to smash hard blocks of wood into kindling. News flash: your fingers are soft and squishy compared to wood!
Another consideration is if the wood is dried or if it’s still green. Dry wood splits better but more importantly, burns much better. If this wood is for a fire in the near future, only pick dry wood. The wet stuff might not even burn if the water content is too high.
How do you tell if it’s wet? Weight is a simple way to tell a wet block from a dry one. Another hint is if it has green leaves or needles on it’s branches and is still alive, hence, still green. BACK AWAY, TREE MURDERER!
Another thing to look for is how many knots there are in it. The more branches this part of the tree had, the harder it will be to split. Instead of getting good results from each swing, plan on getting your axe stuck in a knotty block over, and over, and over and over. This is so not fun.
On The Chopping Block!
Now to pick a location to chop this wood. Here’s where not to swing an axe at a block.
Concrete pads are easy to ruin by missing and chopping them! And also, it’s hard on the axe. If you are at home, don’t destroy your driveway, step or backyard concrete or paving bricks. Use a chopping block to avoid hitting it.
Soft, wet areas absorb all the force and leave you with a hollow thud of ineffectuality. This means a block of wood placed on mushy ground is twice as hard to split, because every swing drives it a little into the dirt. It can make you seem like a sad little human that don’t axe good.
Uneven or sloped ground is hard to stand a block of wood on. Sure, you could just lay the wood on it’s side and whale on it like some sort of anti-lumberjack reject, but most of us prefer to stand the block on end and smash it into pieces like a constructive, civilized gentleman. Therefore, you need flat ground.
The ideal location is flat, dry, firm and located nowhere near small children, parked vehicles, or clueless dogs that might suddenly place their body parts in the danger zone.
It’s also great if you have a short block with a large diameter to use as a base, or chopping block. When you put your intended victim block on top, a good chopping block does several things. It provides a firm base to conduct all of the force right into the victim. It acts as a backstop for some of the missed swings. And, it keeps the axe away from the ground so if you miss, it doesn’t slam into the ground, or any rock or gravel or toes.
Swing To Split Wood, Not Shins!
Finally, we are ready to discuss technique. Safety first, kids!
You might want to consider eye protection, gloves and steel toed boots. This of course would be the best. But, we both know that isn’t how you are going into wood splitting. You are probably looking for a place to put down your beer while you get the campfire started and set up the tent. You don’t have any safety gear with you. Please, at least get rid of those flip flops and put on close toed shoes for Goram’s sake!
If you will be doing a lot of chopping and you aren’t used to it, gloves will keep you from getting blisters, or splinters from moving the split pieces. And if there are any flying bits, any sort of glasses would be better than naked, defenseless eyeballs. Steel toed boots and long pants would be ideal to protect your lower parts.
Holding The Block While Swinging at it is Risky!
I already talked about this, but let’s go over it again. An axe is sharp, hard and choppy. Your fingers are soft, delicate and easily chopped off. You do the math. Wait, maybe you’re not good at math, I better do it for you:
Axe + swing + fingers = negative fingers!
Don’t be that guy in the emergency room who chopped off his own digits. Be that guy who didn’t go to the emergency room but instead got to drink beer beside the fire and enjoy his lumberjack cred.
Wide Legged Stance Keeps Your Feet Clear
Don’t do what I did early on as a boy learning to split wood. I had my left foot in the lead since I’m left handed. I got ready for a mighty, block cleaving swing that would be legendary, even in hell. Confidently, I put everything into that one giant effort.
I swung and missed the block.
I scored a clean hit on my left foot, right between two toes. The rubber boot absorbed some of the impact. Fortunately, the soft material of the boot and my foot saved the axe and it sustained no damage at all. My foot, however, took heavy damage.
After the screaming stopped and the mess was cleaned up, someone else chopped wood for me. In getting out of work, I count that as a win.
Don’t lead with a foot, and don’t strike in line with your leg! If you miss, where is the axe going to go? Also think about glancing blows, which could end up sending that sharp tool of tree dismembering to your shin.
Ready? Now give it a try. Grab your first victim (piece of wood) and put it on the chopping block.
Strike For the Same Spot Over and Over
You’re doing it! You’re actually chopping wood! But wait, why isn’t the block splitting? Are you doing it wrong?
Yes.
Try hitting the block more than once in the exact same place. This will gradually cause the crack in the block to propagate all the way through and it will split into two pieces. Once you have it split in half, cutting each piece in half again is much easier now that the structural integrity of the wood grain is broken.
For really tough blocks with knots in them, you might need to flip the victim over and give the other end a few whacks. With the sharp part of your instrument of arboreal doom, of course.
Try to keep from missing the block and hitting with the handle instead of the axe head. This is hard on the hands, but it also damages the handle and can lead to the head falling off.
Take a Break!
If you are new to wood splitting, don’t do too much at once. As your muscles get tired, you can start making mistakes. Tiredness or overconfidence lead to swings that miss and go whistling (hopefully) right past your leg.
Don’t get cocky and think you’re now a genius wood splitter, and then make a rookie mistake like losing a pile of blood on the ground. Keep your mind on task while using sharp instruments of destruction and brute force. This is even more important if you’re camping in a remote location far from medical aid.
Time to Celebrate!
You‘ve dismembered your first arboreal timber corpse. Now you have a fresh pile of split wood and you’re ready to build your fire. That will be a topic for another day.
Don’t forget to store your axe in the right location. Make sure to place it where it’s safe from children and pets. But especially, do not leave it where a random passing axe murderer might see it and decide to go on a rampage.
Got any good wood splitting tips or stories? I’d love to hear them!
Here are a few of my other outdoor articles:
