Earworming: The Good, The Bad, The Fugly
Some have season passes, others aren’t invited back — ever again
Earworm: A song or melody you can’t get out of your head.
I was challenged by Kirby Workes to come up with Casey Kasem-ish countdown — or list — of the best (or worst) earworm songs (I’ve linked Kirby’s cool list below).
Trigger warning: Some of these songs may become horrific, annoying long-lasting earworms in your ears — unable to be removed. You’ve been warned.
Let the countdown begin:
10. “Vacation” by the Go Gos.
Vacation, all I ever wanted Vacation, had to get away
Good intentions (I guess): This pops in my head every time I imagine my dream tropical or European vacation — which apparently I do quite often. Why the “I guess?” Is it good to be reminded how badly you need/want to go on vacation?
9. “Shake it off” by Taylor Swift
’Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake I shake it off, I shake it off
Bad: Sorry, Swifties, I’m a 55-year-old man. Having this bubble-gum pop stuck in my cranium? It’s not good.
8. “Cheers theme” by Gary Portnoy and Judy Hart-Angelo
Where everybody knows your name And they’re always glad you came
Good fuzzy feelings: Nostalgic. Comforting. A social time with friends that gives me warm fuzzy feelings and amazing memories from yesteryear.
7. “Here I Go Again” by Whitesnake
And here I go again on my own Goin’ down the only road I’ve ever known
Amazingly good: More like awesome, bruh. Awesomely amazing. Whitesnake you are invited to hang out at the Club Ear-ie with ear wax, dirt, eardrum, and whatever else is going on in there forever.
6. “Believe” by Cher
Do you believe in life after love? I can feel something inside me say I really don’t think you’re strong enough, no
Honestly dunno (undeclared): Just kinda there. I blame my wife for having this ditty as her wake-up song on her alarm clock radio for way-too-many months back in the day. I even had this dream playing during a dream. It’snot Cher’s best, but it’s not awful, has a fun beat, but after a while, I need a bouncer to kick its ass out.
5. “MMMBop” by Hansen
Mmmbop, ba duba dop Ba du bop, ba duba dop Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Fugly: Oh helllllllllllll, no! Get the f*ck out. Now. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Get. Out! This one might require ear surgery.
4. “Rock and Roll All Nite” by KISS
I wanna rock and roll all night and party every day I wanna rock and roll all night and party every day
Damn good! Kirby, my brother, I swear on a stack of Bibles I didn’t swindle this kick-ass, head-banging rocker from your most awesome earworm list. This high-voltage number is always welcome to get me cranking into an evening of sheer bliss and discover the vast beyond.
3. “Havana” by Camila Cabelo
Havana, ooh na-na (hey!) Half of my heart is in Havana, ooh na-na He took me back to East Atlanta, na-na-na
Bad: Aaaah! Bleck! Make it stop. Please! This one is like fingernails on a chalkboard. But, I do have a remedy to get rid of it ….
2. “Small World” by Disneyland’s Children’s Choir
It’s a world of laughter, it’s a world of tears,
It’s a world of hope and a world of fears.
Fugly: Yeah, I’m probably going to get blocked and get sacks of hate mail for this ear annoyer. I love Disneyland (besides the lines, outrageous prices…and Captain Hook used to scare the shit out of me), but this song is the queen bee of earworms. My wife once got pissed when I tried to sneak away from the Small World ride. Why? Because I didn’t want to hear it the same annoyng song 3,467 straight times!
- “Baby Shark” by Pinkfong
Baby shark, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Baby shark, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Baby shark, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Fugly: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Go away. Forever. This one will land me straight up in the cuckoo’s nest in a fancy straight jacket. Even worse? I had a buddy who would seriously play this prior to volleyball and soccer middle-school tournaments to “get the kids pumped up?” Are you freaking kidding me, Donny? Have you heard of, of I don’t know, Eminem, DJ Snake, AC/DC, Kanye West, or even Sugar Hill Gang?
Thanks for reading my story!
Show me your earworms… Ginger Cook, PJ Kaplan, Philip Ogley, Gerald Sturgill, Sally Prag, Sreese, Lu Skerdoo, Belcairn, Alex P., Susan Wheelock.
Great earworm reads from Kirby Workes and Daniella Montage:
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