Satire and Humor

Earn Huge Amounts by Convincing New MuddyUm Writers That You Have the Information They Need to Succeed on MuddyUm

Get lots of views and long read times from newbies desperate to learn the end all be all to succeeding on M*d*um.*

*At least until you get caught by the MuddyUm staff

With the changes to the earnings algorithm MuddyUm’s writers are struggling to learn how best to maintain their earnings in the short term and increase them until they’re in the stratosphere. I have seen a lot of creative ways writers have established to do this.

For example, several writers have found some success unpublishing older articles, adding ten minutes of fluff to them which includes several promises of riches, fame, and/or success beyond their wildest dreams if the reader finishes reading the article, adding a click bait title then republishing them.

Others have established secret societies which have levels so those at the bottom have to read all of the articles written by those in levels above them for a minimum of two times the anticipated read time. This of course, leaves them no time for writing but as they move up the levels they have less and less to read. When they arrive at the highest level where everyone reads everything they’ve written but they don’t have to reciprocate, it’s all earnings all the time.

I found this method a bit complicated and requiring a significant amount of time before you reap the benefits but once you reach the upper levels it seems to really boost writers’ income.

I have another way to boost your income through ensuring that your articles will receive more than the expected read times, leading to more, sometimes two or three times more, the expected income for the story.

You can do this by taking advantage of a population that is always seeking help learning how to make a ton of money right away with no effort at all and no need to go through the learning curves like the rest of us did — Newbies. I don’t feel bad pulling one over on them since it doesn’t really cause any harm, and just ensures those of us who are deserving of a higher income receive it.

Here’s how you do it.

Set the Stage with an Article That Suggest New Writers Must Follow Your Dictates to Achieve Success

All you have to do is create an article that suggests within it new writers will find the secrets to earning money on M*d*um right away. It takes a bit of work at the outset but as it will continue to help you reap the rewards indefinitely (at least until MuddyUm officials shut you down) it’s well worth the effort.

Include at the outset, bogus statistics that supposedly prove that reading your article and performing the various exercises and quizzes that are included increases earnings ten fold, twenty fold, whatever you feel you can pull off.

For the bulk of the article, describe a series of requirements that supposedly will help the newbie further learn how to earn money but which is intended to increase your own read times and earnings. For this method to work best, it must somehow cause them to regularly read your content and engage with it. Adding activities to perform while reading an article can also increase the read times. For example add a quiz question that require them to write out lengthy answers about the material they just read. Include questions that have nothing to do with the material that are just aimed at keeping them on the page longer.

Add more statistics and fake testimonials from friends who write on the platform, attesting to how great the system worked for them (just remember, you will have to reciprocate when your friend writes a bogus article that pulls the wool over newbies eyes and absconds with some of their membership fees.)

Here’s an example of this technique that I’ve used to boost my reading times over 300% just since the beginning of the month.

Alert! New MuddyUm Writers! Read This to Learn All The Strategies to Help You Earn a Million Dollars on MuddyUm

New writers MUST read this article and follow the Instructions or else you’ll be immediately banned!

There are constantly new writers that are joining MuddyUm, having heard that it’s a great place to earn an income for their writing. I will definitely confirm that this is the case. Writer’s who are willing to follow the rules set out in this official set of guidelines for publishing on the platform, will be able to instantly start earning up to a thousand dollars a month and within six months to a year will easily be earning six figures. But to do so, you must read this, pass the quiz questions, and complete all the actions that are required.

MuddyUm has a very sophisticated IT system and well trained computer engineers who analyze all Newbie data regarding what activities they have been engaged in on the platform. If you break any rules you may hear from them and be required to provide an explanation.

Some rules however, like those in this article, are cause for being immediately banned without benefit of warning or the ability to plead your case. They are able to tell if you fail to read this article, very slowly to ensure you understand every word, or you don’t complete the required quiz questions and activities. In which case you will be banned.

Quiz Questions: Answer each question in complete sentences.

• What must you do to earn big bucks here on MuddyUm? Please list everything previously discussed in your own words.
• What will get you banned from MuddyUm? (List everything here, in complete sentences, even if you already mentioned it in your previous answer).
• Please explain the hypotenuse leg theorem in detail.

Requirements for Newbie MeddyUm Writers

The first crucial requirement for you to fulfill is to join MeddyUm as a paying member if you have not already done so. This is the only way the platform has the money to pay writers six figure salaries. If you do not have a paid membership do not expect to be trained and do not even think that it is okay to join the Partner Program to earn money from those who have paid. Try it and we’ll eat you alive! Trust me, we make the KGB look like Candy Stripers!

Quiz Questions (Please answer using complete sentences):

• What is the first step you will need to fulfill before you begin your training?
• Explain, in detail, why general relativity and quantum mechanics are incompatible.

Since I have accepted the role of mentoring you, your training and subsequent reviews will be conducted using my articles. For training, each morning you will read a minimum of five of my articles amounting to at least 50 minutes expected reading time.

If you fail to read all of your articles you will need to make them up the next day, along with your required reading for that day. You will also add one extra article written by me for each article that you didn’t complete the previous day.

For each article, begin by slowly read the content, making sure to scroll down at a consistent rate. Make sure you exceed the expected read time by at least fifty percent. So if it is a 10 minute article, the minimum time you should take to do a first read is 15 minutes.

One you’ve finished reading through an article once, go back to the beginning and slowly begin reading again. Find at least three things that you wish to highlight and do so, adding a comment about each highlight.

When you get to the bottom of the article, clap 50 times, and leave a lengthy positive comment about the content. It should take you at least twice as long as the expected read time to read an article the second time, and highlight, comment and clap. So a ten minute article should take you at least 35 minutes to read and engage with. Do not try to cut the time short. MuddyUm has a way to measure that as well.

Now comes the fun part. It’s time to share! Share the article on all of you social media accounts, making sure to add an enthusiastic note that will get people excited about reading the article.

Quiz Questions (Please answer using complete sentences):

• What are the rules regarding reading during your training period?
• What are the rules regarding article engagement during your training period?
• What happens if you don’t get through your required reading for a day?
• What are you expected to do in terms of sharing your mentors articles?
• Please explain, in detail, the Law of Relativity. In Swahili.

The community expects respect and proper appreciation among members. They expect that when someone is mentored by a long time member in good standing that the Newbie will give something back to the person mentoring them. Since I’m allowing you to use my content to train on, you will be expected to read only my content for the duration of the one month training period.

If I feel that you have successfully completed your training, you will thereafter be allowed to write and publish your own articles. However you will still be expected to read five articles of mine a day and carry out all of the activities explained in this article.

You will also be allowed to read other articles and promote your own articles provided you follow the rules governing these activities. These rules are:

1. You can only read four articles written by other writers each day or one less than the total number of articles that you read that were written by your mentor each day.
2. You can only read one article per writer other than your mentor each day.
3. You will always read and engage with your mentors articles first so that if something comes up you will not fall behind on her content.
4. If for any reason you cannot read and engage with the required number of required articles written by your mentor, you will make up the missed articles the next day adding two extra articles for each one that you missed. (Once you are no longer a trainee, you will be expected to be able to manage your time such that you won’t fall behind. If you do, the penalty is greater.)
5. While you are allowed to read other writers’ articles you may only spend half the expected read time doing so for each article.
6. You may clap up to five times for other writer’s articles.
7. You may provide (1) two to five word comment on one article a day not written by your mentor.
8. Regarding sharing your own articles, you may send them to your mother and one friend provided that neither of them use social media or work in the marketing field
9. Once a week you can add a link to one facebook group.

Quiz Questions (Please answer in complete sentences):

• After your training period, what are the rules regarding your daily required reading?
• After your training period, what are the rules regarding engagement with regard to your mentor’s articles?
• After your training period what are the rules regarding engagement with regard to other writer’s articles?
• What happens if you fail to get through all of your required daily number of your mentor’s articles?
• What are the rules about sharing your own work after the training period?
• Please answer the following question. Be sure to show your work, and explain all steps in detail: If for all real number b and c the product of c and 3 is b then what expression represents the sum of c and 3 in terms of b?

Why Is Such a Rigorous and Strict Training Program Necessary?

While all of these requirements may seem excessive, the reason behind them is to teach you how to create and market your own high quality articles. If you are attempting to do this while getting the hang of how the platform operates, you will develop bad habits and never be able to produce the types of stories that will bring you fame, fortune and success.

If you follow this program to the letter, however, by studying high quality content you will learn the skills to create such content yourself, and when your training period is complete you’ll be ready to hit the ground running. Also by getting in the habit of promoting my work, it will become second nature to you when it’s time to promote your own.

Continued engagement with your mentor’s content will keep your skills sharp and allow you to learn about any new developments that your mentor would most likely hear before you. So, these rules and requirements are all for your benefit not mine.

Association Between Compliance with The Mentoring Program and Future Income and Success

Research has shown a strong relationship between following this mentoring program and new writers later fame, fortune and success. Those who didn’t follow the program much made a maximum of twenty seven dollars a month on average from their work on MuddyUm. Their work didn’t have reach, and few people even within MuddyUm had ever heard of them. Most of these writers (98%) ended up leaving the platform and many (78%) quit writing altogether.

Those who followed the program to a moderate amount, averaged about a hundred dollars a month, about half of them left the program and a quarter of them quit writing . For the rest in this group, their earnings held steady at right around a hundred dollars but the didn’t really continue to grow as writers and thought of writing just as a way of generating the equivalent of pocket change.

All of the new MuddyUm writers who followed the mentoring program to the letter, quickly began improving their writing skills, building up their earnings, reach and name recognition and were quite happy with their progress. Within a month after concluding the training program they were all earning on average, two hundred dollars a month, by the end of six months they were averaging around a thousand dollars a month and within 12 to 18 months they were on track to make six figures for their yearly income.

If you are a new writer on MuddyUm, I hope you have found this information useful. The mentoring program is intended to help you become all the writer that you can be. Just follow the program and within the next couple of years everyone will be envying you your financial and professional success. Perhaps you’ll even become a mentor for a new crop of green MuddyUm writers!

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You can find links to my other work on the platform and follow me here. Thanks for reading!