#150 — DEAD OR ALIVE | FROM MY DREAMS | FROM MY LIFE

Dreams Are Little Messages Of The Subconscious

Those dreams I remember are special, no matter how weird they sometimes are

Writing about my dreams means I can make sense of them, but I also like when others who don’t know me at all, try to interpret it. Sometimes those interpretations can be enlightening, pointing me to something I haven’t thought of myself.

Today I want to share two dreams I had in the past month, and both of them involved my mom, who passed away in 2017.

A weird dream, but not disturbing

My mom and I were going to decorate a home together, and we needed curtains. For some or other reason, she and my father (he passed away in 2021) went to stand in the line in front of the store. I didn’t see their faces, but I knew it was them.

While they stood in the line — no idea for what — I went into the store. But, I felt insecure about making the choice, so went back to get my mom. I wanted to consult her on the fabrics I had found.

All the designs had the same ‘feeling’ — they were outdated, old-fashioned.

One had a golden ocher background with beautiful sparrows printed on it — their feathers incredibly detailed; their eyes bright and alert. Mom smiled when I saw her this design and pointed out a cheetah in the background.

Maybe the cheetah was on the next design I showed her, as here it was a prominent feature. Both these designs made me think of South Africa.

Then mom saw a different fabric she wanted to inspect closer. As it was in shops where you can buy large pieces of fabric, these were on rolls. Next to it was a stack of carpets. The light in the shop wasn’t bright at all. Mom sat down on the carpets and leaned forward to feel the structure of the fabric.

Suddenly, I saw a big fat spider, its body smooth and its legs prominent.

I jumped backwards — as afraid of spiders in my dream as in real life — an warned mom, but she didn’t seem to hear me. The spider crawled towards her face, and just as it reached her, she sat up and brushed over her cheek.

The spider bit her on the back of her hand. I didn’t see it happen, but knew it did. I was afraid it might be poisonous and wanted to call the emergency services, so reached for my phone. Now in The Netherlands, the number for the emergency service is 112.

I punched the numbers 1–1 and tried to punch the 2, but every time I miss. Either 110 or 113 appeared on the screen, and it took me about ten attempts before finally I connected to the emergency services.

In the meantime, my mom was somewhere on a bed with a large lump on her hand. It looked like she wanted to go to sleep, but I urged her to stay awake. I told the lady on the other side of the phone what happened and where we were.

Suddenly, a police officer spoke to me. He talked, but I understood nothing. He repeated his words, but again I didn’t get what he said. I tried to tell him to talk slower, so I can make sense of it.

Then someone mentioned that there was a white car somewhere on the street outside. It would help us until the emergency services arrived, as the latter could take some time.

Mom and I walked away, and I supported mom, but for some or other reason, my foot hurt and mom also supported me.

My dream flashed forward where we stood outside, talking to two men in uniform. They gave mom a pill, which was thin, light brown and almost two centimeters in diameter.

“So, that’s better,” the man said to mom in a voice that sounded as if he talked to a child. “Now look after yourself.”

Again, my dream flashed to a different scene.

Now mom and I were in a room. Mom sat on a chair and I stood to the side, half in front of her, looking down at her.

Once again, a spider approached from mom’s other side, but strangely, this one had bright, colorful wings.

I jumped backwards and warned mom, but before the spider reached her or mom could react, I woke up.

My daughter’s interpretation of the weird dream

When I had a dream, especially when I saw or sensed my mom, I always tell my daughter. The three of us were very close.

She always tries to find some logic in my dreams.

For this one, she said that the spider was a symbol of my mom’s cancer. That I couldn’t type the number into my phone shows how powerful I felt I couldn’t help my mom; that we couldn’t save her from the cancer.

Then there’s the pain I had in my foot — this, my daughter said, was because I shared her pain, and it’s a symbol of my pain for losing my mom.

I asked her what she thought of the cheetah in both those designs, and she didn’t see any other significance in it than that it was our link with South Africa.

Seeing my mom and aunt in the same dream

About three weeks after the dream above, I had another which I could remember.

Now I have to tell you this first: over many years, I had a recurring dream where I had to drive a car while sitting in the backseat. This was such a difficult feat, trying to reach the paddles, hold on to the steering wheel, and keep the car from crashing.

I now know that the dream recurred in those difficult times in my life, when it was all about my and my children’s survival.

This new dream made me think of the recurring one. In it, I drove a big camper, one with a big steering wheel and where you couldn’t get out on the driver’s side. It might have been more like a bus than a camper, actually.

As I pulled into a parking place, I saw my mom waiting for me. I saw her face — quite a youthful version of her, somewhere in her early thirties. She wore a shiny (silk?) olive green dress, which reached right to her ankles. Now anyone who knew my mom would know she never ever wore green!

Next to her stood either my son or my brother. Their faces melted together, and one moment I thought it was the one, the next the other. This didn’t alarm me in the dream. I just took it for granted.

As I stood up inside the camper to get off on the passenger side, my mom smiled at me, and I heard her say to my brother/son: “See, she looks like me.”

I had to walk around the vehicle to get to mom, and behind it, I saw my aunt, my mom’s oldest sister, who passed away three years before her. Her face is the same as it was in her last months; the same age. Curiously enough, she stood there writing a Valentine’s card, which she gave to her youngest daughter.

I saw all of this in passing, as I wanted to get to my mom, but when I came to the other side of the bus, my mom was gone and I woke up.

My daughter shared her thoughts on this dream too

When I told her about this dream, she said that she loves when she dreams and sees my mom and her sister together. It’s like a confirmation that they indeed are together wherever they are.

She had no clarification for me seeing my mom in a color who both knew she would never wear, but said: “Yes, mom. Grandma is proud of you being her daughter, and that’s why she said you look like her. She also meant you are a kind person, just the way she was.”

That brought tears to my eyes.

One thing I wondered is whether this dream has anything to do with an important decision I have recently made. Especially the part where my mom said I looked like her. My mom was a strong woman, and she determined the course of her life. It wasn’t always happy decisions, but she stood by them.

I have always been someone to ask for permission when I wanted something. Either permission from my parents, or from my husband. For many years, I have placed my husband in the ‘father role’, but through coaching, I have learned that I may make my own decisions. I can take care of myself, and I know what is good for me. And what is good for me, for my (mental) health, is not something I have to ask permission for.

It’s like in this dream my mom gave me a stamp of approval.

Dreams Are Little Messages Of The Subconscious

I believe — and I know I’m not the only one — that during the night we process our day. Some things we process don’t even have to be conscious thoughts we had, but are things that are lodged in our subconscious.

I miss my mom so much, but I don’t think about it every day. With my husband’s stroke and him having cancer, our lives have changed so much, but I don’t think about that every day either.

I just live my life, continue with my day-to-day business. That goes from working in the office to working from home, from spending time with my husband to time with my daughter. Or maybe even taking time for myself.

I don’t have deep thoughts every day, but they are there, in my subconscious. These dreams remind me I can take care of myself, that I am strong enough, that I am good enough.

These dreams are special gifts from the universe.

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