Downsizing? Moving? Here’s How to Emotionally Deal with Letting Go of Your Belongings

Prepare yourself for a journey of story, choice, and control

A cut lead crystal candy dish. At Christmas and Easter, my mother brought it out and filled it with special treats. When I had a family, I did the same. I had no idea that those memories would make letting that item go, so difficult.

Whether you’re moving away for your first job and must deal with your childhood belongings, or it’s mid-life downsizing, there comes a time when you must take charge of your possessions. When you do, prepare for the unexpected emotional journey that comes with some of those items.

The Swedish have a downsizing method called döstädning, which translated means — death cleaning. Or more precisely, pre-death cleaning. I knew about it from a Swedish friend and after discussing it with her, mistakenly thought I understood what it entailed.

The candy dish taught me otherwise.

You see, there’s more than just knowing about something. There’s the reality of action. And within the action…emotion.

When you embark upon a personal item cleanse, you realize it’s so much more than choosing and sending items out the door.

It becomes a journey of story, choice, and control

If you’re readying yourself to downsize your belongings, here’s what you need to know.

The Journey of Story

The crystal candy dish was just the first of many items that came under the “to go” list. And similarly, the first of many items that sparked a trip down memory lane.

To an observer, just a beautiful candy dish, to me a storehouse of memories.

Regardless of age, when an item becomes more than the function you use it for, a trip down memory lane is likely to ensue. It becomes a container that holds happiness, laughter, tenderness, love, and of course memories of special family, and friends.

Those stories are what make the cherished item difficult to let go of, because it’s more than just a thing, it’s a link to those memories and emotions.

How then, do you manage those stories, so that you’re able to release them?

Honor them. Tell the stories, and share the memories. Whether that’s in your journal or with a friend or family member. Maybe, take a picture, if that helps.

By acknowledging those feelings, you transfer them into a different container. Then, you can release the item and still have everything it symbolized.

Which leads to the next step of the journey, choice.

The Journey of Choice

Once you’ve made your list of things that must go, you discovered some items carry more memories and more emotions than others. You dealt with those and now it’s time for choice.

The belongings with no special feelings attached are easily disposed of. Whether you sell or donate them, once gone you may find a surprising lightness. Fewer things represent less to look after, giving you more time to enjoy what you have.

But what of those cherished items, what will you do with them?

The first option is to consider who in your circle might want the item. In the case of the candy dish, I spoke to my daughter and shared what it meant to me and why I’d like to give it to her if she was interested. Her interest wasn’t a guarantee. In part because of differences in decorating, but also knowing that adult children are generally less interested in their parents’ items.

To my delight, she too had fond memories of the dish and was happy to take it.

Not every item will go to a family member or friend, so then what?

Time to go outside of the box and exercise choice; consider who else could make use of your items and enjoy them in their own way.

A decade ago, I worked at a women’s shelter and witnessed women who were starting over, often with little furniture or household goods. That knowledge inspired an email to the local shelter, inquiring about any potential interest in items I wanted to give away. When the reply came back with an appreciative yes, the complexity of emotions arose once again.

What did those items — the dining table and chairs, the antique desk, the love seat — what did they symbolize and how was it possible to make peace with releasing them to someone else?

Taking time to reflect on the emotions and the items, inspired an extension of the shared story effort. Here was an opportunity to find peace by sharing the stories behind the items. A choice to try and bring hope and make a difference to this unknown woman.

You have a choice for your belongings to give inspiration and hope

It’s not often that you can directly impact someone else’s life. Knowing that these story-rich, cherished items had the potential to make a difference to someone else seemed the best kind of way to honor all that they symbolized.

Exercising that kind of choice is liberating.

And, there was a mutual and unexpected benefit. Yes, she needed tangible items, but she also needed a dose of inspiration and hope. I realized I could give her both and find my own peace, by making a difference to someone in the next chapter of her life.

As I prepared for her to pick up the items, I wrote her a card, tucked into a small gift bag of other items I thought might be helpful. In the card, were the stories outlining the lineage of women who’d owned these items. I wanted her to feel connected and part of something bigger.

Here’s what I shared:

The dining room table had been my mother’s. She’d been a community activist, begun many long-lasting initiatives and created countless large, happy family meals around that table.

The dining room chairs had been my grandmother’s. Widowed with 3 boys still at home and my mother just 21, she had to learn how to support herself when there were no social programs. She opened a boarding house and upon those chairs sat many a traveler, enjoying her good humour, warm countenance, and delicious meals.

The antique desk had been an aunt’s. A woman who never married and despite the limited opportunities for her intellect within our small town found a way to create a life of meaning, purpose, and happiness.

The loveseat. Purchased by me, after the end of my marriage. It represented new choices, growth, and more happiness than I’d believed possible.

Sharing those stories felt like sharing strength and courage. Something I knew she’d need repeatedly as she rebuilt her life.

The Journey of Control

Choice and control are closely linked to each other. When you feel as if you don’t have a choice, your sense of control can be lost. Your happiness and hope may dwindle, to be replaced by fear and anxiety.

In the case of your belongings what stories have been attached that make you feel you’re giving up some sort of control? Have they taken on a meaning beyond what is useful in your life now?

What is the reason for your letting go of those items and is there an opportunity to grow into a new and bigger version of your life?

Experience teaches that when you let go of a belief or an object, there’s room for new and more expansive things to take their place.

What if that expansiveness includes deeper and more meaningful relationships because you’re willing to let go of your rigid control about what’s in your environment?

What if by allowing that crystal candy dish to leave your possession, you discover that the memory lives on with someone else and in its place, new conversations with the owner occur. Maybe it becomes an entry point to a deeper relationship or new ideas about the importance of family?

When you cling to control, especially of how things were, of what you own, or even the stories about how things should be, you might miss new chances for a vision you can’t even conceive.

Final thoughts

Are you preparing to downsize, minimize or even embrace döstädning?

Remember the link between emotion and action, and gift yourself with the knowledge that you’re embarking on a special journey. One of story, choice , and control. Knowledge is power, and you do have the power to do remarkable things, even when faced with letting go of some of your favourite belongings.

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