Do It Like The Swedes

The fine art of death cleaning

Döstädning.

No, this is not a new IKEA offering, car, or music app. This term, translated to English, is Death Cleaning.

If you’ve ever been tasked with clearing the house following the death of a parent or a grandparent, you know what I mean. We’re often astonished about what is kept, especially those family members who lived through the world wars.

They kept everything!

Let’s not be like them.

You know the stuff you love? The Swedes, bless them, know that the time to get rid of the stuff you love and your adult kids don’t, is before you die. The Swedes begin this in their 50s.

If you haven’t heard, most adult kids don’t want your carefully purchased treasures or family heirlooms. From the china, silverware, and crystal you’ve kept to the artwork and antique items you’ve collected. The time of passing down cherished family relics is gone.

Knowing that fact means you can start to plan what should be done with those items before you die.

The first step is to have a conversation with your children, to ensure you know what they want or don’t want. It’s possible that there’s one item from those things they’ll want as a keepsake. And you might be surprised what that item is.

When I had the conversation with my kids, my adult son expressed wanting the cookie jar that sits atop the fridge. More decoration than an active, cookie-holding jar these days, it has a meaning for him I wouldn’t have guessed. It might not be bringing me Marie Kondo-style joy, but it does for him. So, it stays.

Once you’ve had those conversations, consider putting a sticker on the items or creating a written record to be stowed with your will. That way, there’s no confusion when the time comes.

Next, consider if there’s a way to continue the pleasure of those items by gifting them to non-family members. Just because family members don’t want them doesn’t mean they are without value elsewhere.

Do you have a charity that might want your items? Art to grace their walls or as an item to sell that would help them continue to thrive?

And what about those dining items you love?

Well, how about considering organizations that help people who are trying to get back on their feet? From women’s shelters to people impacted by disasters. Instead of your china and silverware locked away and never used, or dropped off at a donation centre, how about choosing who you’d like to use your items?

Imagine a woman trying to put her life together after leaving an unsafe environment. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if your dishes helped her feel like she was a part of something bigger? Cared for, just because your beautiful dishes remind her that someone “out there” thinks she’s worthy of having them?

Or the family who loses everything because of a disaster. Wouldn’t that be something if your no longer needed items, not just the necessities, but the beautiful, helped them re-build?

Taking stock of what you own and mindfully choosing what is ready to be released creates a surprising mental lightness.

I’ve moved several times in the last 10 years and each time there were choices about what to keep and what not to. Each time, with a little forethought, I choose what else is ready to be released and delight in the process.

Even if you’re not moving, you can look with new eyes at your belongings. The point isn’t about freeing up space to acquire more, but instead, lessen the burden for those you love.

Whether it’s the hobby items you’ve got stored in boxes that you haven’t touched in ten years or the 15 vases of varying sizes, this is your work. Not your family members or friends.

Consider this an act of love.

You’re taking charge of your life’s acquisitions, and deciding how best to send them out into the world. Whether they stay with you for the duration of your life, will later be claimed by your loved ones, or thoughtfully re-distributed into the hands of those who truly want them, you’re making a difference.

Döstädning. Death cleaning, because you really can’t take it with you.

But you can choose how the inevitable tasks after your passing are done with less pain and in less time because you’ve thoughtfully made the hard choices already.

So go ahead and do it like a Swede and feel better as you do!