avatarJohn Henry

Summarize

Don’t worry about ATTRACTING women!

As counterintuitive as it may be, the less you care, the more attractive you MIGHT become. There are no such guarantees in life. However, it may improve your odds. Either way, you should still be the best version of yourself, for yourself. There is nothing wrong with self improvement, obviously, just make sure that you do it for the right reasons and try to be the best that you can be physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, and, ultimately, SPIRITUALLY!

And if you’re ever feeling down, listen to this song to get pumped up and become the best around!

As far as mentally being the best, there is nothing wrong with going to therapy. It’s not like the old days when men were shamed for going to a therapists, what they used to call going to a shrink. Nowadays, women highly encourage men to get therapy, and for a good reason. Some women know that a lot of men are crazy as hell. In addition, it is said that male loneliness, even suicide as a result, has reached what might be an all-time high!

SOME PEOPLE DON’T HAVE COMPASSION FOR MEN THESE DAYS

In any case, as a man, you should focus on being mentally stronger, overcoming insecurities, overcoming being triggered, and figuring out not only what triggers you, but why, so that you can overcome those issues and not be too triggered by anything anymore. When you become grounded in such a way, perhaps then you’ll be able to “handle” any woman that so happens to come along, not because you’re worried about attracting them, but because they actually compliment your life (add to it) without you chasing them and simping for them so bad. Then you’ll be able to properly handle relationships with them because they won’t feel so “out of your league” anymore, and I’m not talking about superficially based on looks, finances, social status, etc.

Yes, I know it’s difficult and counter intuitive, especially if you, being a straight male, are strongly attracted to women and, therefore, would reasonably want them to be attracted to you. However, some people are simply not too keen on other people who appear to be desperate to be liked by them.

In fact, a wise man known as a Mark Manson in his great book “Models” says that neediness is one of the biggest turn offs to women. He ven went as far as to say it’s akin to having messed up teeth and bad breath (or whatever he said). Good book.

#ad

Whether or not it’s really that deep, who knows, but for whatever reason, some women seem to simply not be attracted to guys who are desperate to be liked and desperate for love. Which is a conundrum because, like I said, it makes sense to want to be liked by those you like and are attracted to, but the ironic and counterintuitive wisdom may be that the less you are in need of their validation, the more likely said validation may come, at least if other things (such as being an actually decent human being) are in order.

Photo by Elizeu Dias on Unsplash

Of course to address the elephant in the room, you may still have… needs. Not only sexual, but emotional as well. Indeed, the problem of loneliness in men is beyond just sexual fulfillment, contrary to what some radical feminists and man haters in general may choose to believe. The problem is, unlike with some other things in life, those needs are largely dependent on other people, a factor that can’t really be controlled. That’s not good.

So one might do well to consider stoic philosophy with such ideas as only being concerned with the things you have control over and not being too attached to things that can be taken from you (which is most things). Now, how do you intend on getting your emotional and sexual needs met without focusing so much on attracting women? I don’t know what to tell you. That’s something you’ll have to figure out.

Photo by Chris on Unsplash

Me personally, I can try to be my best self while being willing to be with an escort or something in the meantime. Of course, that can come with its own host of problems, such as the issue of it not being legal (depending on one’s location), potentially being set up to get robbed if it isn’t legal, potentially getting set up in a sting operation and getting arrested, and dealing with other people who happen to be human beings that come with their own moods, attitudes, etc. But hey, it is what it is.

Fret not, perhaps they’ll come out with real-enough looking freak bots and good-quality freak virtual reality and stuff soon enough.

In any case, some men simply stick with porn. It gets a bad rap, but probably because in some cases it seems that that those men don’t really improve themselves in order to even be good in a relationship (if they were to find a worthwhile woman) due to porn’s ease of access. This is why I feel that if it’s merely a placeholder WHILE one is improving themselves and being their best selves until someone awesome comes along (should it happen), oh well. Yet it shouldn’t be a substitute for self improvement or a reason to avoid doing it, at least in my humble opinion. But at the end of the day, people do what they do in life.

Ultimately, I think it’s a mind thing in the sense that you should want to self improve for your own mental health, mental strength, and well-being, not to attract some woman! A strong man known as David Goggins, one of the strongest men in the world (if not physically, then definitely mentally), said that life is a mind game. If you haven’t read it already, I highly encourage you to read his book “Can’t Hurt Me.” It’s good. 🙂

#ad

Because if you think about it, life IS a mind game. It really is mostly mental. Your whole life experience is MENTAL. Yes, there is a world “out there”, obviously. But what really seems to matter at the end of the day is your experience of the world and how you feel about it. That’s what you need to work on. Women come and go, but whether they are around or not, you’re the one who needs to be content. As one quote says, “no matter where you go, there you are.”

One love 💯💪🏾

Dating
Dating Advice
Dating Advice For Men
Mental Health
Happiness
Recommended from ReadMedium