LET ME READ YOUR STORY

Don’t Read. Instead Listen, Watch, or… Read?

Feedback on: “Don’t read Books……………because”

These articles provide feedback on stories submitted by brave writers looking to learn and grow. Comments will be provided on anything from title and pictures, to grammar, language, and cohesion. All feedback is meant to help both the original author and anyone else reading this, and general writing tips will be highlighted.

This time, we are looking at a story that provides some life advice in a short and sweet format. I can imagine this as a part of a series of frequent short pearls of wisdom. For now, however, this is just a single piece in a wide variety of different stories by today’s brave writer: Nisha Jose

Nisha cuts right to the chase, and lets the reader know what this is all about in the very first sentence:

I am an avid reader and preaching to someone not to read would be a hypocritical statement, but frankly, you need not read just because of everyone’s reading. — Nisha Jose

While the sentence is a little clunky, it serves to quickly set the scene. Nisha moves on to articulate the main point right after: Reading is good, BUT you don’t have to read. Great stuff! Now let’s hear more about why that is.

We get to the featured image — a cute dog picture that fits with the theme of reading. The picture is placed strategically to split the story into two parts: The intro, which should get the reader curious, and the detailed explanation of the point the author is trying to make.

Tip 1: You can use pictures as an alternative to dividers and headers, to divide your story into separate sections. This is especially useful if your story is too short to warrant multiple headers.

Below the picture, we get to the meat of the story. this is where the message starts to get a little bit blurred. While the intro did not explicitly say so, I think many readers will read it as stating you don’t need to learn all the time. But the next section seems to suggest that what the author is trying to say is that you don’t have to read — you can consume alternative mediums like audio and video.

This is also a fine, though less controversial and thus less interesting, message for the reader. But then we are told that too much focus is being put on “being perfect” and living up to the expectations of everyone else. So are we back to “you don’t need to read OR listen or watch anything, but just have fun”? I’m so confused…

Also, the list of “expectations” is a little all over the place:

* 10% Savings — Savings? I thought we were talking about activities like reading? * 50% Investments — Again, what? 50% of your time, your energy, or your salary? * 1-hour exercise — ok now we’re talking activities * 2-hour family time * 1 hour me time and………………… — Were did the reading go? Wasn’t the whole point of the article to address the expectation that everyone should read?

Next, we move on to examples of “doing things differently”. Here is a trimmed version of that list:

• Listening to podcasts — this is aligned with the point the author seemed to want to make
• YouTube, Instagram, and Twitter — YouTube I can see as an alternative to reading, on the same level as podcasts. Instagram and Twitter I feel need a little more explanation as to how these can fill the same function.
• Medium — This isn’t reading? Sure the title specifically mentioned reading books, but the rest of the text never mentions books. Again, I am a little confused as to what Nisha wants me to take from this story.
• Series and movies — here, Nisha does what I wanted for Instagram and YouTube: Provide a quick explanation or example of the benefits of consuming such media.

In the end, I am left with an unclear picture of what message I’m intended to receive from this story. Fortunately, Nisha follows best practices and ends the story with a conclusion

Tip 2: Always(!) end your story by summarizing or concluding on your story. This helps the reader crystalize the message you intend to send. Obviously, this does not apply to fiction. In fiction, the final section should aim to leave the reader with a strong feeling (any feeling!) after reading the very last word. In any case, the last section should aim to get the reader to just sit and contemplate a little after reading the last word, and not immediately move on to other things.

The conclusion lets the reader know that the intended message was that the type of media is less important than the quality of the content and the lessons your draw from it. I would have loved it if the point about quality and lessons had been treated in the text. Instead, this is the first we are told about these aspects that seem to be an important part of the key message.

Nisha ends the story with an emphasized “catch phrase” version of the message:

Keep learning and Keep growing — Nisha Jose

Very nice and strong ending!

Summary

Title

The title is not too bad (you sense a “but” coming, don’t you?)… BUT the exaggerated punctuation and the promise to say why you shouldn’t read books is a little off the mark. I don’t feel I am told why I shouldn’t read. I’m told I don’t have to read. So again, a little misaligned with the core message and somewhat strangely punctuated, but these are minor things.

Pictures

Good picture choice and excellent placement in the story! Well done, Nisha!

Formatting

There are two lists in this story, which are underutilized as a formatting tool in stories in general. This is great and is a much better solution than listing a lot of things in a block of text! However, I don’t understand why you decided to use the format:

* text

Instead of

• text

Grammar

The grammar seems perfect. Only, the excessive punctuation in the title and the last item in one of the lists is a little distracting. Otherwise, this is all good.

Links and Citations

None there, none needed.

Language

The language is down-to-earth and easy to read. I like your natural writing style. It’s very pleasing and does not distract from the message you are trying to convey.

Cohesion and Cadence

This is very often where I see medium writers (or any writers for that matter) struggle a little bit. Once you get the hygiene factors like grammar, formatting, and language down, you get to the next level. And this is where the structure and messaging need to be reworked many times to truly polish the piece. This is a big shift from the “train-of-thought” writing that many do. Sometimes it’s the sequencing that is less than optimal. Sometimes it’s how the text flows from topic to topic or point to point. In this case, I believe you could have used a little more time refining or deciding exactly what message you wanted to convey. And then streamline your article to align with that core message. When reading your piece, my mental picture of the message I should be receiving shifts between several alternative versions:

• DON’T read books, and this is why
• You don’t have to read or indeed learn at all
• You CAN use alternatives to reading like listening or watching
• You don’t have to read BOOKS, but can read other written material
• You need to pay attention to the QUALITY of content rather than the medium

Closing Remarks

I love the ease of reading and the structured lists. I have great respect for the message (the one I decided to take from this). And I think you could easily write more of these short pearls of wisdom. If you decide to do more, I would advise that you start by writing a single concise sentence that tells your core message, and then ensure the entire story supports and builds that exact message. Because I think you have many great messages for your readers. I, for one, am looking forward to your next pearl of wisdom, Nisha Jose!

For more writing tips, read:

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