Don't Let Your Heart be Hardened.

Life is better when we keep our hearts open.

In books by Brene Brown, Glennon Doyle, Amy Morin, and other authors specializing in personal growth and emotional intelligence, I've noticed a recurring theme — never close your heart to others.

I'm fortunate to have experienced the benefits of healing and keeping my heart open.

Some examples are significantly improving my self-esteem, forgiving myself and others for the pain they may have caused and truly moving on, and meeting my partner after multiple disappointments.

None of this was easy. But was it worth it? One-thousand percent.

I believe letting your heart become closed off is an easy way out. It gives you an excuse not to face whatever pain, resentment, or frustration you may still feel.

It's self-sabotage.

We've all heard that holding a grudge only makes one person suffer. The other person has no idea. If they do, they probably don't care how angry or disappointed you are.

Making the other person see what they did wrong is a waste of time.

Sure, you can try to have a conversation about it. But if the other person is unwilling to recognize what they've done and how it's affected you, don't waste your time holding onto resentment.

It's sad to see a person show their lack of empathy and care in difficult times, especially if they react by invalidating someone else's feelings.

On the same token, this is a clear sign this kind of person shouldn't be allowed easy access to you.

Let me explain what happens when you don't let go of resentment.

Let's say this person is now no longer in your life. You've moved on, or so you think.

As time passes, you meet new people.

But you're still holding onto the pain from this experience, so you're afraid to risk letting someone else get close.

Resentment doesn't just keep you angry; it also makes you sad and hesitant. You're no longer sure if you can trust people. You may no longer be willing to take that chance.

Your heart has hardened.

That's the moment when we begin to self-sabotage.

We associate a new person with the previous person that caused us pain, and we keep them at arm's length. We don't let them get too close, just in case.

That 'just in case' stops us from truly moving forward and taking risks that could pay off tremendously.

It stops you from meeting new people who could become so close you would consider them family and have them see you in the same light.

Resentment can stop us from focusing our energy on ourselves and our goals.

You're so distracted by this pain that you forget about the promises you made to yourself.

The more attention and energy you give to resentment, the less you give to yourself.

Things don't seem so bright anymore. You begin to expect worse. You assume they will react the same way that friend or family member did when confronted with a similar challenge.

You no longer give someone a chance to apologize or make amends for their mistakes.

You assume there's no way things can get better. That friend or family member didn't care much about your pain; why would it be different now?

Pessimism takes over your life, and you start making decisions based on fear rather than faith.

This fear drives you to continue self-sabotaging. Now that you see the world for 'what it is,' you say to yourself, 'why bother?.'

By not bothering or making an effort to improve things, you're giving up on the life you said you'd work towards. You're giving up on making your dream life a reality.

We need to recognize these lies.

These assumptions we make about other people when we compare them to the ones that have hurt us are lies.

There's no way to know another person's intentions or character than getting to know them.

When you find yourself hesitating because you're reminded of the past, stop and take a deep breath.

We need to talk ourselves out of making decisions based on fear. Trying to prevent pain or disappointment is a reaction based on fears.

The problem with these decisions is that they are not made based on actual experiences. They're based on perceived assumptions.

We reject the other person without giving them a fair chance to show who they are and what they stand for.

By doing this repeatedly, we miss out on incredible experiences and connections.

Life is better when we keep our hearts open.

As Brene Brown has said, we're hard-wired for love and connection.

To thrive as individuals and a species, we need community. We need to connect with the people around us.

Without those connections, life feels lesser. Not making an effort to make friendships and relationships work leaves us feeling empty.

Yes, we will experience pain, but as Brene has said, our capacity for joy goes only as far as our capacity to feel pain and disappointment.

Don't be afraid of the pain. It's part of the experience of life.

Without it, we wouldn't know joy.