Life Hack — Things Change For the Better When We Forgive

The most beautiful thing about our humanity is the power to choose.

One of my favorite skills we can develop is the ability to forgive.

Being able to forgive has allowed me the grace and compassion I need to move forward with my life without carrying resentment or pain.

Guilt, shame, and embarrassment can hold you back and stop you from taking opportunities and making decisions that can transform you and your life.

I remember growing up being very hard on myself—a perfectionist.

The constant chase to be perfect was not based on a desire to improve. It was based on my need for acceptance not being met as a child.

I grew up believing that I was good as long as everyone liked me. If someone didn’t, I needed to do everything possible to correct it. I was forgoing all of my needs.

The shame I felt for making mistakes, looking silly, and accidentally embarrassing myself kept me in a cage where I stopped moving forward out of fear of being criticized and rejected.

For a time, I stopped living for myself.

This was one of the darkest times of my youth because it led to an array of issues.

I developed a poor self-image, low self-esteem, and body dysmorphia. To try to ‘correct’ these flaws, food and exercise became my outlet.

I tried to control everything that went into my body and how much I moved. I remember not allowing myself to eat anything that wasn’t considered ‘clean’ food.

I also remember not allowing myself to leave the gym unless I had exercised for at least an hour.

Eventually, this cycle took its toll on my mental and physical health, and I began binge eating to cope with the intense food restriction.

During this time, I was in college. I also took to partying and drinking to numb the feelings of unworthiness.

After almost two years of living this way, I decided to be honest with myself and realized that if I kept living this way, I would end up killing myself.

Literally and metaphorically.

To move forward from this trap, I needed first to forgive myself.

I needed to forgive Angelica for not making the best decisions about how to treat her body. But most importantly, I needed to forgive her for not loving herself.

I needed to say I am sorry for not loving you (my body) as I should have and for not respecting your limits.

I’m sorry for not taking care of you, valuing you, and seeing you as important and special.

I’m sorry for thinking so little of you and thinking you had little worth.

I’m sorry for not treating you with respect, dignity, and compassion. I promise from now on; it will be different.

After forgiving myself, things finally began to change.

My body underwent some unpleasant changes (weight gain, acne, mild hair loss, etc.). This was my body’s way of healing from all the stress it had been subjected to.

It took a long time, six years to be precise, for me to finally be in a body that I am comfortable in, love, and am proud of.

The journey hasn’t ended either.

I’m now embarking on a new path after discovering some food intolerances. Fortunately, my health is good, and I’m not dealing with significant allergies. But I do need to adjust my food choices to avoid not feeling well.

The most significant change has been abandoning the hatred, disappointment, and feelings of unworthiness that were attached to my image.

I no longer look at my body and feel disgusted.

I do not see flaws that need fixing. I don’t see an unfulfilled person because her body isn’t a particular shape.

I no longer see half a person. I see a whole human being.

If I kept measuring my worth based on what society says I should look like, I would have no idea where I would be now. Maybe at a rehab facility that treats eating disorders.

If I hadn’t forgiven myself, I would not have been able to let go of the self-hatred and the idea that I was not a whole woman if I wasn’t an attractive woman.

I would have kept making decisions based on that, and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see how this train of thought doesn’t lead to a good place.

Forgiving myself freed me to make different choices.

Choices based on who I hoped I could be instead of who I thought I was.

Forgiving myself opened my eyes and my heart. It allowed me to see and understand that holding onto feelings of hatred and resentment towards myself or another person only holds me back.

There’s no benefit from holding on to any of these feelings.

They cloud your judgment.

These feelings of pain and resentment distract you from taking on new opportunities and walking on new paths.

They make you believe lies about yourself and others.

When you don’t think you’re good enough, you self-sabotage.

An opportunity may come your way; it may be what you’ve been praying for. But you pass on it since you think you’re not good enough and don’t deserve it.

Don’t allow these feelings to dictate your life. Forgive yourself for the mistakes of the past.

Allow yourself an opportunity to do better and watch yourself heal and your life change.