Sexuality

Don’t Let World Events Hamper Your Sexual Activities

Schedule a weekly sex night with your partner — then keep the appointment

The last month was hard on my sex life. There have been many horrific events, including war, select committees, and school shootings. It’s easy to go into a low-grade depression about the state of the world. My spouse and I ran into this long ago. An accidental reduction in sex can have depressing effects.

“Sex, however, is more than just a trivial part of our lives — it’s a major instinctual desire for most of us. According to a 2017 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, American adults have sex an average of 54 times a year. And when you’re not feeling your typical urge to get it on, it’s easy to wonder if something is wrong with you.” — HealthCentral.com, Is Pandemic Anxiety Changing Your Sex Drive

Pandemic anxiety will cause your mind to spin in circles and your body to feel overworked and tired. The key is to recognize the symptoms. I’m ‘lucky’ as I have experienced missing sex because of outside circumstances before, so I understood the situation.

There are four primary reasons couples can experience decreased sexual activity: a person’s health, age, relationship changes, and life events. Life events are affecting so many couples now as the world appears to be falling apart right in front of their faces. For us, back then, it was life events.

“Life events: Work, familial responsibilities, and day-to-day responsibilities may result in people being tired and preoccupied. Couples may find it beneficial to schedule date nights and nurture their relationship.” — MedicalNewsToday. Com — How Often Do Couples Have Sex

Our children were small and needed attention. Both were involved in after-school activities, so we each took one and rode them around to their various sports or lessons.

It was so demanding that we once went an entire month with no sex. Once we saw what happened to us, nobody was getting any, and we fixed it by declaring an official once-a-week sex night.

There were no romantic dinners, soft music, or romantic whisperings. We put the kids to bed and jumped into our bed together ASAP. We found that if one of us got into bed too far ahead, that person would be asleep before any action could occur because we were exhausted. Once the children grew up and left, we no longer needed to schedule sex because we were no longer worn out, and our natural needs reappeared.

These days, it is easy to get drawn into the daily news. There is so much going on that we are being drawn into that “the universe is going to hell” vibe. There is little sex while the entire world is going to hell.

After a great deal of discussion, we determined that more than sex was missing. While we slept pressed against each other every night, we were seldom awake together. If we were awake, we discussed the news of that day. That kind of pillow-talk only leads to us crying ourselves to sleep.

We made a plan. We designated one night a week as “tell me what you want me to do to you, and I’ll do it” night.

The Sex Night Rules

After an additional conversation, we agreed on four rules for sex night:

· No news is good news.

· Be kind to your lover all day.

· Go to bed early, together.

· Work together for the good of the overall relationship

“The more of a team you are, fighting this stress together, the better. It will not only increase your sense of unity but also show you that this is something you were are able to get through together.” — The Gottman Institute, 3 Reasons Stress is Affecting Your Sex Drive and What to Do About It

Knowing we will concentrate on each other at least once a week has put us back on track. This “tell me what you want me to do, and I’ll do it” night led directly to our marriage bed.

The reinstitution of scheduled sex has boosted our ability to deal with the BS going on right now. The sex night “rules” have filtered into our everyday thinking, improving our home and social lives.

I recommend “a designated sex day” for any couple experiencing the turbulence of the times. Knowing that a bit of love is headed your way at least once a week makes a difference in your tolerance and attitude when dealing with other people. The world will be a better place.

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