Boundaries
Don’t Let People Cross Your Boundaries — 4 Ways To Say No
Well, you probably think, that’s obvious, right? Well, not for all of us. Some people have been through a lot of negative issues in life and are very humiliated by that.
Some people got too many negative emotions throughout the years that they don’t know where their boundaries are or were. They didn’t dear to say what they want to do or achieve in their lives or what they want to say — and even to say ‘no’ if they don’t want to as people cross their boundaries.
Then they are afraid to be hated all the time. They were around very manipulative people. They got raised in a certain way that you may not express your feelings and that they didn’t dear to say what they wanted to say. They didn’t do what they wanted to do, because it wasn’t what other people would think is normal. So, they did what other people thought was accepted. At some point in their life, they realize it is not what they want to do or to say.
And that is what I have been through. Because of bullying, I wasn’t accepted in my class and I thought nobody wants to see me or wants to talk to me. I always thought I said or did something stupid and it wasn’t appropriate, so I didn’t say anything anymore. It was humiliating at all, but that was my reality. I let them bully me because I thought that was the standard. That was the norm in daily life. I haven’t seen anything else in my life. I was afraid of other people, that they would harm me anyhow, physically or emotionally. I believed everyone in the world would do that.
I didn’t know how people should treat me differently.
But what if you cross the point in your life that you want to say no and you don’t know how? I’ll tell you, it is not easy, but you can do this.
I also would advise you to go into therapy. It helps a lot. I am still in therapy, but I can tell you, you can leave it behind you. No matter what you have been through.
But the truth is: it hurt yourself so much.
What you can do:
- Set rules for yourself — this is my boundary and you can’t pass it.
- Say very firm ‘no’. When someone says you still have to do it — say firm ‘no’ and do it often and as much as you can until that person goes away. Always say ‘no’ as often and as much as you can. Still politely. When someone still crosses your boundaries and it will hurt you, tell your boss, tell someone close to you, tell your parents or maybe — if it goes that far, the police or authorities.
- Walk away when someone doesn’t listen to you or cross your boundaries.
- Block these persons on social media and screenshot everything they said if it hurts you.
Set rules for yourself — this is my boundary and you can’t pass it
Start with finding your own boundaries and write them down if it’s necessary. It reminds you not to fall into old habits. They remind you that you are a human being as well with standards and values. These standards and values must be respected by every in your family and friends circle.
Say very firm ‘no’ — always say ‘no’ as often and as much as you can
Always say ‘no’ as much as you can when you don’t feel comfortable in situations and in situations you don’t like. When people don’t take that seriously, then they’re not worth being around with. People who are not respecting someone else's boundaries didn't learn that somehow.
Walk away when someone doesn’t listen to you or cross your boundaries
When someone doesn’t listen to what you are saying or when you’re saying ‘no’, you should walk away firmly. They should know that respecting others' boundaries is a priority number one in life. They have to know that you are not willing to go into their games anymore.
Block these persons on social media and screenshot everything
If you have been bullied online — like social media — you need to block them. You don’t need these bullies online and offline. Block them, make screenshots for proof. Yes, you need proof if something goes out of hand. So, you can show the authorities what is going on. Or — when you are bullied offline — you need to make copies of everything that is relevant, or — preferably — everything. You will never know what you need.
Agnes Laurens is a writer. She writes for the local newspaper. Agnes lives in Bunnik, The Netherlands, with her husband and three daughters. Writing is — aside from playing the violin — one of her passions since childhood. She is on Twitter and Instagram.
As soon as my Patreon page is ready to be launched, you’ll be the first one who will get notifications when you subscribe to my mailing list and subscribe to my Thoughts.
Click here join the community for my publication The Life Essence.