Domestic Tranquility: The Choice is Yours

Summary

The article discusses the challenges faced by the author when asked for opinions on seemingly trivial matters by his wife and daughter, leading to a humorous exploration of the dynamics of domestic decision-making.

Abstract

The author of the article humorously recounts his experiences with being asked for his opinion on various domestic choices, such as dessert options, toys, and outfits, by his wife. He describes the situation as a "no-win" scenario, where he faces criticism regardless of his approach—whether he responds without much thought, tries to care genuinely, or offers a random choice. Despite his efforts to engage with the decision-making process, his opinions are often dismissed or contradicted, leaving him feeling that his input is neither desired nor valued. The article concludes with an anecdote about his daughter seeking his opinion, suggesting that the dynamic of seeking validation while already having a preference is something she has learned from her mother.

Opinions

The author feels that expressing an opinion on domestic matters is a "no-win situation" for him, as he is criticized for not paying attention or not caring enough.
He initially adopts a strategy of choosing the first option presented to him, but this is met with suspicion from his wife.
When he attempts to provide a thoughtful and honest opinion, his choices are often deemed incorrect, leading to frustration.
The author's wife admits that she asks for his opinion to confirm her own thoughts rather than seeking genuine input.
The author expresses resignation to the idea that he will continue to face such situations, as evidenced by a similar interaction with his young daughter, who also seems to have a preferred choice despite asking for his opinion.

“What Do You Think?”

My opinion of things I don’t really care about is asked quite frequently by my wife. What should we have for dessert when my parents are here Friday? Which of these toys do you think our daughter will like better? Should I wear the white flats or the black heels?

The barrage is constant, and it is a no-win situation for me.

First, I get in trouble for not paying attention. If she has to ask me twice, she is annoyed with me for not listening. If I answer too quickly without looking up, she is annoyed with me for not caring.

A New Strategy

So, I have learned, for domestic tranquility, to immediately look up, put down whatever I am working on, pretend to spend a few seconds pondering and then, quite confidently, say the first option.

But she is on to me and says, “You always pick the first one I mention.” Subsequently, I have learned to mix it up and sometimes I choose the second option, but she follows it up with asking me why?

So, I have tried something novel. I have actually tried to care. I will truly look at the choices carefully and choose the one that I really think is the best. How can that go wrong? Certainly, I will be rewarded for my honest and heartfelt response.

She will then spend the next five minutes telling me how my opinion is incorrect.

“Why do you even ask me if you already know one of the choices is wrong?” I ask exasperated.

“I just wanted to make sure that what I was thinking was right,” her response.

I Give Up!

I have no idea where to go from here. Ignorance and apathy do not work. Randomness has failed and honesty does not go well. I miss the days when nobody asked me for my opinion.

But, I think I am going to be dealing with this for years to come.

My six-year-old daughter came to me the other day. She was playing a board game.

Photo by Curt Melzer

“Which character should I be, the cat or the dog?” she asked me.

“The cat,” I said decisively.

“Oh” the youngster responded, “I thought you would choose the dog. I really wanted the dog.” The apple has landed very near to the base of the tree.

Domestic Tranquility: The Choice is Yours

Does my Opinion Even Matter?

“What Do You Think?”

A New Strategy

I Give Up!

My Daughter Wants to Know: Is Santa Real?

It’s a Good Thing Virginia Didn’t Ask Me