Does Your Doctor Have a Good Bedside Manner?

Mine didn’t and here’s what happened

It may be a crime to write anything against doctors in today’s scenarios. These medical professionals also referred to as the ‘Frontline Warriors’ are nothing less than God for their patients.

I couldn’t agree more. We feel over-whelmed even when they treat us for a simple infection. An infection that gave us restless days and sleepless nights.

After a few doses of antibiotics, when we start getting back to normal, the feeling is euphoric. You bless the doctor with all your heart. Secretly thanking them to help you feel better and get back to normal life.

But Doctors are human beings. Every Human Being is different. So are Doctors.

Doctors are a live example of how wonderfully the ‘Placebo effect’ works. You feel uneasy, sick, vulnerable at home. But the moment you step into the doctor’s cabin you forget everything. The sobbing face turns into a smiling one. Because you believe this person can take all your troubles away.

You’re enchanted by their sheer presence.

The uneasy, sick, and vulnerable feeling is still there but at that moment it hardly matters. You are more focused on your doctor. Sorry! Didn’t mean to make this sound creepy. But that’s true.

This happened a lot with me as a child. I used to create such a fuss at home with even a regular stomach ache, but in front of my doctor, I behaved like I have been a brave little warrior all this while.

My parents would be surprised by the turn of events, or my expressions rather. Once out of the cabin, they would be quick to ask,

‘’At home, you were behaving like a damsel-in-distress but in front of Dr. Nabar, you behaved as if nothing happened. May we know what changed?’’

As a child, I realized I didn’t have the right words to express that feeling so I would just say,

‘’I don’t know why but I felt better just after meeting him.’’

So my general perception of doctors formed that way. When we visit them in times of despair, we are supposed to feel great.

We should feel like half of our illness has vanished away.

But as we visited different doctors for different ailments later in life, I found that was not the case everywhere. Not all the doctors gave the same feeling of comfort as Dr. Nabar gave. They all spoke politely but there was something different.

Something which was not visible yet present.

I came to know about that term only until recently when I came across a doctor who didn’t provide me comfort at all.

In fact, his presence was quite intriguing. I was speaking more anxiously than comfortably. When I was in his clinic, I couldn’t figure out what was not working for me.

Because his medicines surely did. That’s what I had paid him for, right? But still, I was not looking forward to his upcoming appointments. There was an unsettling feeling in me. Something about him had ticked me off. What was it? Oh yeah!

He Lacked the Bedside Manners.

I don’t know how many of you are aware of this term but accomplished doctors are supposed to have good bedside manners. I came across this term while playing a general knowledge game on my mobile phone.

Yes, it sounds funny. But that’s true. I lost the game because I couldn’t answer what a doctor is supposed to have? I chose the wrong option. The correct answer was ‘Bedside Manners’.

Doctors who have good bedside manners are aware that the patients come with a lot of fear, anxiety, and preconceived notions. It is therefore their duty to be compassionate and understanding towards them.

Also, they should give enough listening time to the patients so that half of their anxiousness melts away. This was particularly important for me, a person with a severe anxiety disorder.

But my ENT had nothing of the above-mentioned qualities. Right from the first visit, he was giving me a negative vibe. A vibe of arrogance rather.

I was visiting him for the first time and without any reference. That had elevated my fears. Plus, the deafening pain in my left ear was killing me each second.

I was just desperate to feel normal again.

I, therefore, ignored his cold body language and also the fact that he was barely giving me time to speak. The moment I uttered a few words to explain my condition, he would raise his palms towards me indicating stop and continue his chattering.

I would feel like yelling at him,

‘‘Hey listen I know you are an accomplished Doctor but I need you to calm me down.

Yes, other patients are waiting, but I waited too.

Don’t I deserve at least 2 minutes of your uninterrupted listening?’’

I wanted to say all this but couldn’t. Instead just nodded my head like a trained dog to whatever instructions he gave regarding the medicines and came back home.

I wish I could tell him that his medicinal instructions were way too complicated. And I wished he understood from my expression that I was still confused with the prescription.

‘’You should have asked anyway’’. You would argue. But I just couldn’t. His body language felt like he is asking me to get out. I felt like a loser in front of him.

Although he didn’t say anything humiliating I somehow left his clinic with more fear and anxiety than I had entered with.

I knew I was not supposed to feel that way.

Anyways the treatment started and I was supposed to make my 2nd visit after a week to ensure the treatment was making good progress. I went half-heartedly knowing that the serenity factor would be completely missing.

Then he suddenly asked,

‘’Did you stop the pain-killers after 3 days as I had instructed?’’

And I was like WTF. When did he say to stop any medicine? Oh Gosh. I never felt so humiliated in front of a doctor. I was drowning in shame.

I wasn’t sure what was hurting more, my left ear or his eerie looks. I started sweating profusely under my mask. The only thoughts I had were,

‘’Kill me. Kill me now.’’

I could feel my feet cold and my fingers numb. I started apologizing to him like crazy. I felt like a criminal who had just been red-handedly caught up in a sinful act.

After what seemed like an eternity, he uttered,

‘’No problem. It’s okay. Stop those medicines now.’’

That was such a huge relief. No, not in my ear. It was still torturing me. But the fact he was okay with something felt like a breeze of cold air. Still heavy from humiliation, I got up from the chair and went back home, absolutely clueless about the dosage of medicines.

I had made up my mind that I won’t step out until I clarified the dosage with him. But that silly mistake with the prescription colored me red with anger and frustration.

I came home and read the prescription properly. I thought to myself,

‘’How hard could it be to understand the prescription. Let’s view it patiently, I am sure I will be able to figure it out.’’

But nope. Luck didn’t favor me that day. The instructions regarding the old medicines along with the new ones were too much to remember.

I knew I had to ask him once. I had to take that risk. So I gathered all my guts and messaged him on WhatsApp.

ME: (After sending him a picture of my prescription)

Good evening sir, Bhavna here. Maxolid and Flexon are over and I stopped flexon and the other one as instructed by you.

Could you please guide me w.r.t. the ear drops?

Till when should I put the ear drops?

The 3-day course of the new drop and tablet should be started from today?

DR: It’s the same drop. Continue as suggested yesterday.

ME: 3 drops 3 times a day and the tablet MOX CV I have to start from today for the next 3 days right?

(His reply felt quite disheartening.)

DR: I don’t remember what I told you. I see 25 people every day.

ME: Okay. Thank you, sir. (With a stinging feeling in my heart)

DR: (After 2 minutes shares an image)

Here, I have written 3 drops twice for 3 days and once for 3 days.

ME: Yes Sir, too much to remember. I thought I better confirm with you.

DR: This is too much? Handling 25 patients each day is too much.

(I was almost about to give up but decided to reply anyway.)

ME: I am sure it is. But when I came to your clinic with fear and anxiety, I struggled to remember even the simplest of instructions. I hope you would understand.

DR:🙏

That’s it. That was the end of this conversation. After re-reading it, I knew I had passed on my message to him very clearly. I had made him realize that he was lacking in the self-conduct area but in a very polite way.

I was happy that at least I gathered the guts to do that. Usually, I prefer giving up in such situations but that day I handled it with dignity.

My main objective was not to put him down, at all. Honestly, he was a great doctor. He knew his job way too well and that filled him with pride I guess.

I just wished he had noticed I was shivering in front of him not due to fever but due to the uncertainty of his treatment. The painful ear was not a problem but his incisive instruments were.

Just a little bit of compassion and politeness from his side would have comforted me way more than he would have thought it would. Anyways, that conversation was a lesson for both of us. Both were proved wrong and both were proved right.

He was reminded to be grounded, and

I was reminded to be brave.

Thank you for reading. You can also check out other popular stories by me.

Originally published at https://medium.com on September 16, 2020.