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2095

Abstract

we bedded? I amend old friend. I amend.</p><p id="51f7" type="7">Or, is it that you didn’t know about the fifty claps?</p><p id="b758">Did you not learn you could give me fifty claps even if I didn’t change your life? Clapping is free. No one will run into the room and say, “LIAR! You only read 11% of that story. How can you clap so readily? Be away with you, clap whore!”</p><p id="22cb" type="7">Did my story not move you to tears, laughter, or knowledge? For that I am sorry. I wanted to bring you to every place, emotionally speaking.</p><p id="cc89">If I had arrived at someone else’s story and only seen one measly clap, I would have thought this story was broken, afflicted, or cursed! When one hand claps, does a tree feel insecure in the forest?</p><p id="2481">Do you find me greedy? Ego driven? Maybe a little needy. Annoying? Do these jeans make me look fat? Should I call my therapist? Should I cease to look for external validation?</p><p id="5867">Are you telling to tell me something and I’m just not getting it because I’m blathering on and on? Should I go see the movie Inside Out again?</p><p id="6a8b">Oh alas! As my tears were making flood for Noah’s Arc, <a href="undefined">David Perlmutter</a> arrived and I am now at 51 claps. Thank you, David. Bless you, kind sir.</p><p id="2a85">Wouldn’t you rather be laughing? Follow <a href="https://medium.com/muddyum">MuddyUm </a>and <a href="https://aculberg007.medium.com/">Amy Sea</a></p><p id="af78">Thanks to BOF for editing like a boss.</p><div id="c4fd" class="link-block"> <a href="https://aculberg007.medium.com/membership"> <div> <div> <h2>Join Medium with my referral link - Amy Sea</h2> <div><h3>Read every story from Amy Sea (and thousands of other writers on Medium). Your membership fee directly supports Amy Sea…</h3></div> <div><p>aculberg007.medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*Q55_8h7adLqm3vUA)"></d

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WHEN A TREE FALLS, YOU SHOULD CLAP MORE

Does The One Clap Hurt More When It’s the First Clap?

The perils or being greedy

Art by Canva

Why does the one clap hurt more when it’s the first clap my story receives?

Why does the one clap feel like a lament, a story's death sentence, a person who is picking your friend over you at the bar?

Why does the one clap sing? Why does the one clap clap at all?

Why does the one clap, when it is the first clap, feel like you are waiting for a date. But, when your date arrives, they see you and run for the door, knocking over tables and trays of food, horrified.

Causing customers to point and laugh at the bucket of wine someone poured on your head. Why did someone pour a bucket of wine on your head?

Does the one clap taste your cooking and spit it out? As they are spitting, does the one-clap hawk a deeply rooted loogie to remove any remnants of your story from their esophagus?

Does the one clap see your naked body and utter, “Meh, I’ve seen better.”

Admit it. The one clap, when it is the first in line of claps, is telling you your baby's ugly and your mama dresses you funny. It’s the cool kid in the schoolyard announcing you have cooties.

Or worse, it is telling your peers they know what you did last summer and it gave you the one clap. Does the one clap require penicillin? Do you have to cease writing until it has cleared up entirely?

Why are you even here, one clap? Why did you even respond to my free ticket? Are you the one person sitting following my performance making my 100% standing ovation 99.9%?

Was it pity that made you come and read? Did I wound you when we were young and I don’t remember? Did I laugh at you when we bedded? I amend old friend. I amend.

Or, is it that you didn’t know about the fifty claps?

Did you not learn you could give me fifty claps even if I didn’t change your life? Clapping is free. No one will run into the room and say, “LIAR! You only read 11% of that story. How can you clap so readily? Be away with you, clap whore!”

Did my story not move you to tears, laughter, or knowledge? For that I am sorry. I wanted to bring you to every place, emotionally speaking.

If I had arrived at someone else’s story and only seen one measly clap, I would have thought this story was broken, afflicted, or cursed! When one hand claps, does a tree feel insecure in the forest?

Do you find me greedy? Ego driven? Maybe a little needy. Annoying? Do these jeans make me look fat? Should I call my therapist? Should I cease to look for external validation?

Are you telling to tell me something and I’m just not getting it because I’m blathering on and on? Should I go see the movie Inside Out again?

Oh alas! As my tears were making flood for Noah’s Arc, David Perlmutter arrived and I am now at 51 claps. Thank you, David. Bless you, kind sir.

Wouldn’t you rather be laughing? Follow MuddyUm and Amy Sea

Thanks to BOF for editing like a boss.

Brand Art by David Todd McCarty
Mental Health
Technology
Humor
Satire
David Perlmutter
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