A RUBY NOIR DEEP THOUGHT PROMPT | SELF

Does Low Self-Esteem Cause You to See the Good in Others?

A study of self-reflection

I am someone who prides herself on living with high self-awareness. I carefully take stock of my actions and their effects on others, and I value my place in this world. Yet, that place is not far-reaching. It remains with my family, a few coworkers, and those on Medium whose day I brighten through humour and inspiration.

But does my high self-awareness equal high self-esteem?

I don’t think so.

I’m not a confident writer nor secure-minded in the various ways I manage my job. Believing in yourself is difficult when you second guess yourself often. But despite my lack of confidence, which I exude to others, I have a strong sense of who I intrinsically am, the true essence of my being, that is unshakeable.

I love that girl. So, one might say that my self-confidence is higher than any credit I give myself.

Ruby Noir wants to know if I see the good in other people or not. If I follow her train of thought that people with low self-esteem see the goodness in others, I could decipher whether my self-esteem is high or low.

If her thought is true, I must fall under the lowest of lows because that’s often all I see. No matter what you’ve done in life — no matter how heinous — I believe there’s good in you. I look for silver linings and blind myself to your faults, but that olive branch only reaches so far. If you’ve done me wrong, I won’t forget it.

Ruby doesn’t ask whether I hold grudges, although I do, but if you get on my bad side, how did you get there? Is it because I dislike the traits I see in you, or is it your behaviour I abhor?

And if I dig deeper, are these traits I dislike about myself, or are they because I notice our differences? I’d say it’s both. I don’t like people who challenge my integrity or mirror my faults.

My biggest adversary and I are similar. We’re both insecure and stubborn and have issues from childhood, but we differ largely in how we present ourselves. Her lack of self-confidence shows in her bullying style, while I retract inside myself and lash out passive-aggressively.

Still, we’re both very sensitive, maybe overly, about ourselves. That could explain our conflicts, and even with all her negative traits, I see moments where she shines. I see the good in her during these times, making being in her presence tolerable.

Would accepting my faults extend to liking them in her or liking them in others? I believe, yes. Once I embrace all of me, if that’s possible, I’d find it in my heart to accept all others, too.

So, do I believe that having low self-esteem means seeing the good in those around me? Not really.

I believe my ability to see the good in all people, believing they’re intrinsically kind, stems from that belief about myself. The part that believes I’m lacking causes me to resent and berate those with similar faults, leaving less room to see any goodness.

Ruby wants us to consider our choices when finding a mate. How similar are my husband, Ed, and I, or are we dissimilar?

Reviewing our traits surprised me how similar we are. I had never taken stock. We are funny, sensitive, kind, honest, trustworthy, easily frustrated, and highly reactive. We differ in that Ed is a hothead with a short fuse, is way more generous than I am, is an extrovert, and worries less than me. Although not highly even-tempered, I’m more so than Ed. I’m also extremely anxious, and I’m an introvert.

Yet, the two of us are a dynamic duo. We are deeply in love, and we help each other see the beauty in ourselves.

While I see the goodness in others, Ed shows this more than I do through his actions. He helps those in need and is extremely respectful by seeing the person rather than their circumstance when dealing with people suffering from poverty, mental health, or addiction. Meeting these afflicted people daily is commonplace for Ed, while I meet many of them, too.

I think it’s no mistake that Ed and I are an item. It was his humour, his good looks, and his bad-boy persona that first attracted me, but it’s his kind-heartedness, honesty, and gratitude that keeps us so bonded. Ed was a tough guy and broken when we met, but seeing the goodness in him drew me to him. My loving nature brought his true character out from behind his anger and pain, calming the beast.

I didn’t notice our similar attributes drawing us close at the start — it was more like life’s hardships. However, I won’t dispute Ed’s made me kinder, and I’ve made him calmer. We achieved this through deeply loving each other.

When I examine the people I prefer to hang with, without a doubt, they exemplify qualities I most admire. They’re the parts of me I take pride in and those I aspire to have. There isn’t a family member I don’t like. I see the goodness in each of them, and I give leeway for undesirable traits that I see in myself, too.

I steer clear of developing friendships with most others because relationships take a lot of time and patience and involve lots of work. It takes much energy living with my daily anxieties that leave me little room on top of work to engage in meaningful, face-to-face relationships. So, I turn to like-minded readers and writers on Medium to spend my time with, supporting and relating daily.

With so many people on the platform, how do I choose the people with whom I spend my time?

I spend my time with people I see the good in, and believe me, there are many. After all, I believe there’s goodness in most people, except for those select few readers and writers who have wronged me — or others—those people I’ve dismissed because I hold a grudge.

I plan to notice who I admire, who I hang with, and who I’m forced to spend time with to see if I truly see the good in people as much as I used to. Since I’m no longer as tolerant as I used to be, and more people piss me off than ever before, have I changed?

I know that deep inside, I’m still intrinsically good, and I love myself for it. I also look at people to see the parts of them that are good while preparing for disappointment. The latter often comes because we all have faults.

I have them. You have them. But does having similar or dissimilar faults make a difference in how we view ourselves and the world? Does having low self-esteem affect whether we see others in a positive light?

I’m letting you decide, then write or comment about it.

This response is my answer to Ruby’s first prompt for this week. It starts like this.

People with low self-esteem often find it extremely easy to see the good in other people. Conversely, cocky people — tend to find it easy to see flaws in others.

Which do you find easier to see in other humans? Good… or flaws? And what do you think that means about how you view yourself?

To view the full prompt and others for the week which don’t expire, have a peek at this link.

It’s always a great idea to publish with Read or Die for its friendly readers and writers and attentive publisher, but it’s your choice.

Here are the participants and supporters of the pub’s challenges. Please show their stories some love. (Please let me know if you want your name removed from or added to the list. Either is easy to do, per your request. All you need to do is ask in the comments or a note.)

Ruby Noir, Randy Pulley, The Sturg, Harry Hogg, Susie Winfield, Vidya Sury, Collecting Smiles, Trisha Faye, Bernie Pullen, Michelle Jimerson Morris, Paula Shablo, Brandon Ellrich, Ravyne Hawke, Pat Romito LaPointe, Karen Hoffman, Vincent Pisano, Michael Rhodes, Bruce Coulter, Rachella Angel Page, Pluto Wolnosci 🟣, Lisa Guard, Dixie Dodd, Adrian CDTPPW, Leigh-Anne Dennison, barry robinson, Jerry Dwyer, Jennifer Dunne, Lynn L. Alexander, Julia A. Keirns, Emma Vincent, Frances A. Chiu, Tooth Truth Roopa Vikesh, John Welford, Misty Rae, John Hansen, Deborah Joyce Goodwin (Red:The-Lady In Blue), Zaq Cass, John Hua Technology ☕️