Do You Want to Live a Good Life? — What Is Needed So That YOU Can Live the Life You Dream Of?
Series: Fixing the imperfections #19
Do you feel that you and your loved ones are doing well?
— There is so much you can do to get your life organized!
Do you feel good in your life?
A good life is a lot about good old-fashioned common sense:
- How to approach difficult situations in your life.
- How to get change and lasting solutions.
What if
— things have started to go bad in the relationship?
— she (or he) no longer wants to have sex, no longer wants to be near and warm like in the beginning?
What do you do?
This is an example of questions and challenges that many people face in life.
Much of this is very private, and of course, you should never share with other people details of your own challenges.
What is required when living in a relationship?
Many try for periods or all the time to find out
- how to cope with the challenges of living in a relationship, and
- how we can build and strengthen relationships so that we continue to develop as individuals and together as a couple.
A relationship that works poorly is a relationship in which one or both feel that life is not good, at least the part of life that involves cohabitation, the relationship.
Many relationships last a long time, in some cases much longer than what really makes sense.
When a bad relationship seems to never end, there may be many reasons for this. Four words describing this can be:
- safety
- the habit
- economy
- the family
Safety:
You prefer the familiar and secure rather than the unknown.
The habit:
One thrives on what one is used to, and it is the easiest to just let it be that way.
Economy:
Separation/divorce is an earthquake, not least in terms of economy. A person who is used to living in a household with two incomes knows very well that he/she will strive financially when the single life starts.
The family:
Breaking up a relationship is most experienced as a formidable defeat, not least if the two married while everything was still rosy, and especially if there were also children in the picture.
One of the reasons why the relationship continues is that the choice to continue is based on a basic and genuine but often superficial assessment of the situation and consequences of a breach:
- Is it wise for me to leave him when it will give me a much worse economy?
- Does it make sense to start talking about this now? Can’t it wait? Wait and see?
- I want to see it a little bit. He has actually improved a bit lately …
- I know what I have, but not what I get.
- No, it’ll wait. Can’t answer this now!
Why relationships end
There is no doubt that many relationships end for one or more very good reasons:
It may be personal things, like that the personalities of the two partners are not particularly compatible.
One or both are emotionally unstable, which often leads to frequent sparks and conflicts.
One or both no longer feel that the couple is “connected” as in the beginning. The relationship has lost the spark, they now lack the little magic that is usually present between two in a relationship that works well.
The erotic and intimate parts seem less good, the partners lose each other emotionally also when it comes to closeness. The sex life falls asleep.
A relationship often starts very randomly, in many cases almost miraculously. Just think about it:
That you were right there, this special day, and that you suddenly saw her over there.
That you saw her in this situation, at this moment. The light fell on her in a way that made you unable to get your eyes off her. Her hair in the light from above, the movement she did with her arm as she turned so you could see her face.
And her eyes right away when you noticed she saw you. Her gaze dwelt a little longer than it had to before moving to a place behind and above you, before her gaze was again forced back to you. And you knew in your heart that this was something.
You needed to get closer to her, find out a little more.
After the first few months together you may have found that everything is very good. This is so good! You’ve found your partner for life. She is the sunshine of your life! She is the one you will never let go of.
Maybe it will continue like this next year. And the next one. And the next. You two have found something together. You have something valuable, which only the two of you know, something that you two own together. Something solid and strong that you can build your life on.
Children enter the picture. You become a small family. You make a child, and suddenly you are in the midst of the chaos of diaper change, whirling and howling toddlers raging in the crowded apartment and pulling the forces out of you.
One day the question arises:
Where are you now?
How did you get here, and where does the road go?
Task:
Write for yourself a text that describes your relationship.
End the text with a list of strengths of your relationship and another list of weaknesses, areas where you see improvement potential.
This is the first of a series of stories on this subject. The next one will be published here soon.
