Do You Want to Live a Good Life? — What Characterizes a Relationship Where Both Thrive?
Øivind H. Solheim: Series: How We Can Fix the Imperfections #20
“You and I We were two people Longing for something We didn’t know what was
We found each other And we thought That we had Reached the goal”
In the previous lesson, we looked at problems and difficulties that may arise in any relationship. Here we should look a little closer at the same from another, positive point of view:
What is typical of a relationship where both partners are well, both with themselves and with the other?
What is required when you want to live in a relationship where both thrive
How we can build and strengthen the relationship so that we develop positively both as individuals and together as a couple?
A relationship that works well can last a lifetime.
Many relationships last a long time, in many cases the entire adult life, and long-term perspective is often both wise for the family and good for both parties, even if the relationship sometimes goes through crises.
The reasons why a relationship is strong and survives crises can be many and complex. These reasons have to do with the same things as the four keywords from the previous lesson: - safety - the habit - economy - the family
Safety:
This is perhaps the most important factor that forms the basis of a good relationship: Not only does the relationship provide security because it stands for the familiar and secure in your life.
Security — or safety — is so much more than that. Safety lies in your personality, and not least in what you feel you get from your partner. Security is also in the past, their common story from when the two of you met and came together.
The security lies in the memories you share, and the outstanding feelings and inner images each of you have from the intense, warm and bright time when you fell in love with one another.
A poem can describe some of this:
The secret dream
We support each other providing courage and strength to stand safely We are fearless and faithful towards the secret dreams that live in us
One day I want you to share with me your secret dream One day I shall reveal my secret dream for you
From The Other (Den andre — Kvinna i Berjaflotvegen) © 2016 by Øivind Henrik Solheim
The habit:
Yes, it is true that one thrives on what one is used to and that it is often the easiest to just let it be.
But this is a passive approach to the term “habit”. Our habits are important and good points of support in our daily journey, whether we are traveling outside of the family and the relationship, at work and elsewhere in the world, or in everyday life, in our relationships.
The habits are brand stones along the way, they are the “crutches” we sometimes need to support. The habits are the safe framework we use to get through the rough landscape, in a professional context, in our meetings with others and in the daily dealings with the closest.
Just think of something as private as the intimate field of the relationship, eroticism, sexuality. The erotic and sexual aspects of the relationship should certainly not be too strongly influenced by habits and routines. But at the same time, it is often a strength that we in our relationship have our small, intimate habits and routines that make us meet and enjoy each other in good ways.
Economy:
It goes without saying that not least when it comes to finances, it is an advantage to take care of what you have created and gained. Again, security is about safety and what is predictable. A relationship may well work good even if you struggle financially, as long as the financial problems do not overshadow everything. Important for the relationship to work well is that the economy is in place, and that one does not have to spend too much mental energy and emotion on the economic bit.
The family:
The societies are largely built up around the family, so also with us. The family can be a great place to live and develop in every possible area. But the family can also be the opposite, the family can in some cases be a dangerous place to live, for the child and for the young. And sometimes for the adult, in a relationship.
Normally, the family is a group and an institution that supports the individual, whether a person lives in a relationship or alone.
It should be a deliberate goal for all adults (and young adults) to do everything in their power to build and strengthen the community of the family, which is the group of people who should normally be present for the other members and support and carry each other forward.
Something that often characterizes solid relationships is that they are rooted in a solid family. But it doesn’t always have to be that way. The most important and the primary elements are always the two partners in the relationship. No other family member can live the life of the two partners. And a relationship can very well work well even if the two are together in spite of the forces in the family who ignore or oppose them.
Meeting a crisis in the relationship
When a couple faces a crisis in the relationship, it is important that the couple stop and manage to agree on a common description of the problem.
If the crisis is caused by internal affairs that go on emotional things or the way the couple speaks to each other, it is very important that the parties manage to establish communication that is good enough for any misunderstandings to be clarified and that both have a similar description of the problem.
If the crisis is due to suspicion of betrayal from one partner, it is nevertheless important that the partners manage to speak together and succeed as much as possible in finding a common description of the problem. Only from there can the parties move on to a solution that is acceptable to both.
The task can be easier for the couple if the problem is due to outside conditions, such as. interference or negative attitudes from the family,
5 grips when a crisis has occurred in the relationship
