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Abstract

u’re allergic, they can kill you. That is, if you’re stupid, and you may very well be. If that’s the case, then they will definitely kill you.</i></p><p id="6ab9">Don’t people know how to Google for fuck’s sake? Or should we merely accept that the blind really are leading the blind?</p><p id="ed51">They certainly are here.</p><p id="6b03"><i>“Oh, Joe Bobblehead gave this weak story fifty claps. Then, I should, too!”</i></p><p id="41d4">I stumbled upon a story recently with a title I found interesting. Something about why we should stop using Gmail. As I, like billions of other folks do indeed use Gmail and am frequently infuriated by it, I wanted to see what this dude had to say.</p><p id="c4b3">In a word: Nothing. Not one single beneficial takeaway. He jerked himself off in a three-minute read. I hope it was good for him because it certainly wasn’t for me. Talk about a premature evacuation. Something tells me he didn’t review his “work” before publishing.</p><p id="06a4"><i>By the way, cane toads will attempt to screw anything they can get their “hands” on, alive or dead. Repellent yet fascinating, no?</i></p><p id="eac2">Our Gmail expert claims to be a TOP WRITER IN TECHNOLOGY AND SCIENCE, proving yet again how much heft that title has on Medium. My aforementioned cane toad could be a TOP WRITER IN SEX.</p><p id="6ccb">In his turd of a story, the writer does make this stunningly underwhelming point:</p><p id="748a"><b><i>Gmail got to be a part of our identity, a long time ago. Without exaggerating, we wouldn’t be able to function if someone took it away from us at this moment.</i></b></p><p id="318f">“Underwhelming,” because if you’re a Gmail user, you already know this. “Not being able to function,” might be a tad strong, but if you’re going to state an issue that we’re all familiar with, how about posing a solution or two?</p><p id="1972">At this writing, the Gmail BM has received over 8.7k claps and 227 comments. Admittedly, many of the comments were negative, citing the same issues I posed.</p><p id="8760">But, 8.7k claps? Never have I received such a wave of adoration. Have you?</p><p id="a39c">Is this a bot thing? Did the writer purchase these claps? I know it’s possible to buy followers, but what about claps?</p><p id="8d32">I’m truly stumped. Perhaps it’s best to address the herd.</p><p id="0e05">“Hey, human cane toads, what the F are you thinking?”</p><p id="49f0"><i>© Sherry McGuinn, 2022. All Rights Reserved.</i></p><p id="b352">If you can handle it, read every one of my stories and those of other fab Medium writers. I’ll get a couple of shekels and you’ll have full access to this joint! <a href="https://sherrymcguinn.medium.com/membership">https://sherrymcguinn.medium.com/membership</a> Or, fuck it.</p><p id="5c83">And if this story gave you goosies, please check out the ones I’ve conveniently linked to and my newsletter, <a href="https://sherryraw.substack.com/">Sherry Raw.</a></p><figure id="eca5"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*OUjiHRquruYlD0Gj.jpeg"><figcaption></figcaption></figure><p id="cd0b"><i>Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted,

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longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. She is currently pitching her newest screenplay, “The Month We Fell Apart,” a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story, as well as “DEAD TIRED,” a female-driven, ass-kicking thriller.</i></p><div id="9fc6" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/putting-a-bad-day-in-perspective-f4eb38f34b0d"> <div> <div> <h2>Putting a “Bad Day” in Perspective</h2> <div><h3>Life is tough, but so are we</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*cPykyteBvn2-R5cAq67HzA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="e0d4" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/when-i-write-from-the-heart-you-dont-give-a-damn-1c6c64cecad5"> <div> <div> <h2>When I Write From the Heart, You Don’t Give a Damn</h2> <div><h3>Stats don’t lie, the bastards</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*L7zbImEymtAPgk3CiIpo3A.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="357c" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/reflector-d03edffd5222"> <div> <div> <h2>Reflector</h2> <div><h3>undefined</h3></div> <div><p>undefined</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*q1KdZb1CNlK_aD-b8zKDkw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="64f0" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/time-to-call-out-yet-another-bs-bloviator-bc78e5566bb6"> <div> <div> <h2>Time To Call Out Yet Another BS Bloviator</h2> <div><h3>Just one more spectacular turd stinking up the platform</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*-djKb5bCMwi2GizI7kDo7Q.png)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="858e" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/rotten-fruit-8236ccefb41c"> <div> <div> <h2>Rotten Fruit</h2> <div><h3>The taste still lingers</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*Y6eH8PdfQIhemVfz3cVtFw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

READERS: A RANT

What’s Hobbling Some Kick-Ass Writers On Medium?

Readers with the mental capacity of cane toads

Image of a toad-licking dumbass from Wikipedia Commons

Having been a writer on this platform since November 2018, ergo, for a long time, I still hesitate to call myself an “expert” on how shit works around here, but that said, I’ve learned a hell of a lot.

I’ve learned that I’ll be “trending” and that my stories will “go viral” around the time Donald Trump admits that he’s a seditious, felonious, racist, sexist piece of bat guano. So, you get where I’m coming from. As hard as I work, as fast as I chase that limp carrot, true success here, as a writer eludes me. And, you may feel the same. Note, I didn’t say as an individual or friend to other writers.

Yet, I refuse to put the onus on me. Nor should you, dear writer, beat yourself up. It’s too easy to tell ourselves that we suck, or that we lack what it takes to “make it,” because, for many of us, that is a bald-faced lie that can only hurt us in the long run.

If there is a long run.

I don’t suck, nor do the fine writers that I’m proud to call “friends.” Some of us are outspoken and opinionated, and for that, the big A has kept us in the shadows.

That in itself is a problem, the feeling that one is being held back for speaking one’s mind. But there’s a bigger issue at hand, here. And it has little to do with the algorithm, or Ev what-was-his-name, or Tony Wobbleweem, or the way the planets are aligned, and everything to do with the sad reality that so many readers are so damned stupid. Stupid and gullible AF.

Note, I did not say all readers. Why the hell would I shoot myself in the foot like that? My readers aren’t dimwitted morons. My readers are intelligent, articulate, and unafraid of controversy, and, they know bullshit when they see it.

The other readers, the ones who mindlessly clap for trite, rehashed, uninspiring “content,” are concerning to me. Because they’re indicative of so much that’s wrong with our society.

We can no longer think for ourselves. So we follow the herd. We clamor after the influencers who tell us what to wear and eat and slather on our bodies. When to fart and when to take a dump.

We follow them for decorating and decluttering tips. As well as for sketchy health and wellness information that we could source out on our own, but why do that when we can make these people wealthy?

We subscribe to their YouTube channels, purchase their courses and workshops, and their “stuff,” like essential oils that they promise will make us happier, healthier, calmer, more benevolent, more attractive, more everything.

Just don’t ingest them as they can kill you. And if you’re allergic, they can kill you. That is, if you’re stupid, and you may very well be. If that’s the case, then they will definitely kill you.

Don’t people know how to Google for fuck’s sake? Or should we merely accept that the blind really are leading the blind?

They certainly are here.

“Oh, Joe Bobblehead gave this weak story fifty claps. Then, I should, too!”

I stumbled upon a story recently with a title I found interesting. Something about why we should stop using Gmail. As I, like billions of other folks do indeed use Gmail and am frequently infuriated by it, I wanted to see what this dude had to say.

In a word: Nothing. Not one single beneficial takeaway. He jerked himself off in a three-minute read. I hope it was good for him because it certainly wasn’t for me. Talk about a premature evacuation. Something tells me he didn’t review his “work” before publishing.

By the way, cane toads will attempt to screw anything they can get their “hands” on, alive or dead. Repellent yet fascinating, no?

Our Gmail expert claims to be a TOP WRITER IN TECHNOLOGY AND SCIENCE, proving yet again how much heft that title has on Medium. My aforementioned cane toad could be a TOP WRITER IN SEX.

In his turd of a story, the writer does make this stunningly underwhelming point:

Gmail got to be a part of our identity, a long time ago. Without exaggerating, we wouldn’t be able to function if someone took it away from us at this moment.

“Underwhelming,” because if you’re a Gmail user, you already know this. “Not being able to function,” might be a tad strong, but if you’re going to state an issue that we’re all familiar with, how about posing a solution or two?

At this writing, the Gmail BM has received over 8.7k claps and 227 comments. Admittedly, many of the comments were negative, citing the same issues I posed.

But, 8.7k claps? Never have I received such a wave of adoration. Have you?

Is this a bot thing? Did the writer purchase these claps? I know it’s possible to buy followers, but what about claps?

I’m truly stumped. Perhaps it’s best to address the herd.

“Hey, human cane toads, what the F are you thinking?”

If you can handle it, read every one of my stories and those of other fab Medium writers. I’ll get a couple of shekels and you’ll have full access to this joint! https://sherrymcguinn.medium.com/membership Or, fuck it.

And if this story gave you goosies, please check out the ones I’ve conveniently linked to and my newsletter, Sherry Raw.

Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. She is currently pitching her newest screenplay, “The Month We Fell Apart,” a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story, as well as “DEAD TIRED,” a female-driven, ass-kicking thriller.