How Swearing A Lot And Exclamation Marks Will Help You Make A Billion Dollars on Medium Today!!!!!
Do you REALLY need to stick to writing in a niche on Medium? Here’s how to find your inspiration where ever the hell you can find it!!!!!!
So, every morning before I start to write, I like to read a few Medium articles. It inspires me. It kick-starts my brain. It greases the rusty cogs in that creak and crank in the cobwebs of my brain.
This morning I stumbled across an article written by fellow dream-monger Joachim Guth. The article was entitled “I Had No Niche, Then This Became My Niche”. You ought to give it a read.
I read it once.
I read it again.
Joachim’s words spoke to me.
So I decided to write a comment.
A comment which evolved into this article.
That works for me sometimes. I start to tell someone here on Medium how much I enjoyed their article and then I think to myself — “Wait a minute. This would make a better article than just a comment.”
And yes, I was also thinking about money. I am always thinking about money. I am a greedy, money-sucking, son-of-a-bear.
Diplomatically speaking.
But, I am new here.
If you’ve read some my earlier articles you know that I started writing on Medium in mid-March, a little more than a month and a half ago.
I originally planned to write nothing but erotica.
It was my master plan.
“I will write nothing but erotica and make a billion dollars!”
But then I wrote a poem.
“Oh no,” I said to myself. “I have written this poem and I want to release it but it is NOT erotica. Maybe if I called it a fucking poem? That’s it. I will call it MY GRAND NON-EROTIC FUCKING POEM! Yes, maybe that will work.”
Only that didn’t work.
Not anymore than billion-dollar part of my master plan worked.
So I released the poem. And a few more poems. Why not? I like to write poems.
Maybe poetry will be my niche?
And by then I had 100 followers, so I had to write my obligatory HOW I FOUND 100 FOLLOWERS ON MEDIUM IN TEN DAYS article, because that’s how it is done, isn’t it?
Only then I decided to write a cooking article. Hey, I love to cook. I taught my son how to cook. I taught Jamie Oliver how to cook.
All right, so I am lying about Jamie Oliver.
He learned how to cook all by himself.
So I release the cooking article. Then a couple of wry, ironic slice-of-life stories.
Irony is good, isn’t it?
Irony is the opposite of wrinkly!
Irony is smooth.
Only now what was my niche?
I was writing in the how to cook, live, and have sex in iambic pentameter that rarely ever rhymes niche!
Right.
Not to mention a couple of how-to-write stories, and in a week or so I’ll likely release my obligatory HOW I DID NOT MAKE A BILLION DOLLARS AND DISCOVER MY MEDIUM NICHE DURING MY FIRST FULL MONTH HERE ON MEDIUM ARTICLE!!!
I used three exclamation marks because I have discovered (through years of experience crammed into a meager month-and-a-half here on Medium, that each extra exclamation mark adds a whole other second to your article’s reading time!!!
So no, I do not have a niche — YET!!!
Or, if I have discovered a nifty neat little niche-sized niche — I have beat, banged, and bent it so far out of fucking shape that that tidy little niche now looks like something more along the lines of the GRAND FUCKING CANYON!
(Swearing increases your reading time as well, or so my still-evolving literary theory goes…)
Which brings me to my NEXT Medium Article.
HOW SWEARING A LOT AND EXCLAMATION MARKS WILL HELP YOU MAKE A BILLION DOLLARS ON MEDIUM TODAY!!!!!
Hi! My name’s Ginger Bangs. I’m new here in Medium. Please follow me. I promise you I will not bite. At least not unless you want me to.
And — if you enjoy what I’ve been writing how about buying me a cup of coffee? I like mine tall, dark and strong!
AND — CLICK THIS LINK if you’d like to become a full member of Medium and read everything on the platform for $5 a month. The membership fee directly supports me and the other writers you read.
You better go and read another story of mine before I start passing out the collection plate.
