Do You Feel Guilty for Feeling Pleasure?

Allow yourself to feel pleasure — it’s pure, healthy self-love.

I have a drawer where I keep miscellaneous I rarely use — things like a satin bodysuit, a lace bra, a silky soft cami. I either received them as gifts over the years or bought them myself, in a what-the-heck-was-I-thinking moment.

Anyway, I love looking at these things. I admire elusive lingerie that is supposed to make you feel better. Yet, I somehow terribly fail at letting it make me feel better. I go ahead and tell myself — Oh, I’m not sure that suits me. I don’t know what to say; I’m not the kind of woman who wears that.

Plus, I’m a mom now. I don’t have time for that. I dress all sporty most of the time. What’s the point in wearing it anyway.

But every once in a while, when I get a moment of solitude, and I happen to bump into my drawer with beautiful things accidentally, I find myself lost in the moment of trying out one of those lingerie pieces. Or all of them (don’t tell that to anyone). It feels so damn good.

Who knew. It turns out that I am the type of woman who could wear that. If only I would choose to do it more often.

Allowing Yourself To Feel Pleasure Is Taking Care of Yourself

Taking care of yourself isn’t just about putting food in your stomach, resting your head on a pillow when you’re about to collapse on the floor, or taking a shower before you’re mistaken for a skunk who ran a marathon.

Taking care of yourself is also about paying attention to how and why you’re feeling what you’re feeling. Allowing yourself to feel more of the good things you probably have little time for, especially if you have become a parent.

Taking care of yourself is doing what you need to stay healthy and content.

Taking good care of yourself is doing things that you don’t “need” but you want to do. Things that let you stay with a sizeable silly smile on your face.

The kind of smile that will make people wonder if you’re not somehow a wacky serial killer — because, let’s be honest, who affords to stay with such a large smile on their face these days?

But, I digress.

What I’m trying to say is that you should add the “allow yourself to feel pleasure more often” on your list of take-care-of-yourself things.

Feeling Pleasure May Have Nothing To Do With Sex

One of the reasons why many women these days don’t allow themselves to feel pleasure without feeling guilty is that they wrongly associate pleasure with sex alone. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Think about it…

A fine perfume discretely applied at your wrist or right behind your earlobe. Can you feel your nostrils gently swell with enchantment? I’d say that’s pleasure you’re feeling. Wouldn’t you say so?

Or enjoying a glass of silky smooth wine late at night, when you’ve tucked your kids to bed, and the house is at last quiet.

Or sitting all by yourself in a clean room, with the energy and the desire to laugh and dance all by yourself, as if no one is watching, because no one is watching.

Or listening to a song you love, and that invites you to travel back to a memory you’re very fond of.

Or getting yourself a good massage with a scented body lotion after a hot bath.

Or even eating good food, finding the time to read a few pages from a good book, or wearing a dress that shows off what you want it to show and hides away what you want to be kept away from the lurking eyes.

All these are things that allow you to feel good and that have nothing to do with sex. But speaking of a dress that shows what you want and hides what it needs…

Women Need Sensuality, Among Other Things, To Feel More Alive

The dictionary says that sensuality is “the enjoyment, expression, or pursuit of physical, especially sexual, pleasure” OR “the condition of being pleasing or fulfilling to the senses”.

So, sensuality may have to do with sex, but it might as well be a sensual experience of the senses.

According to Margaret Lynch Raniere, a pretty popular speaker, author, and personal development coach,

“Sensuality is largely misunderstood and often neglected.”

She goes on to say:

“Sensuality is more about feeling the world through your senses, and I mean REALLY feeling the world. Why is it so important? Why should you care? Because learning to feel the world and yourself in a deeper, more sensual way is a key part of feeling more alive, passionate and joyful.” (source)

Shamelessly Explore the Things That Give You Pleasure

The journey of discovering what gives you pleasure is a journey into yourself. It’s an opportunity to know yourself better. Because you can’t give yourself what you like and offers you pleasure if you don’t know yourself, right?

And ultimately, offering yourself what you like is not being selfish, but quite the opposite. It’s self-care and self-love. We all need a little bit more of that.

Go ahead and try it yourself. Find a few moments of intimacy where you can think of what you like. What sends a warm fuzzy feeling through your body. What gives you that inner tingling that surfaces into goosebumps.

Shamelessly explore the things that give you pleasure. You’ll be in shock to discover how much it can improve your life quality, the joy of feeling alive, the excitement of getting up from bed in the morning, and the bursts of laughter throughout the day.

Allow yourself to feel, and your energy and vitality will grow. Deny your right and need to feel, and your tiredness, sadness, and frustration will pile up. Depression may even be lurking at you from around the corner.

Especially if you’re a parent reading this right now and thinking that this is all bullshit and that you’re not feeling guilty for feeling pleasure, but you just don’t have the time for it… Remember this:

“Self-care is giving the world the best of you, instead of what’s left of you” — Katie Reed

Feeling pleasure is self-care. Self-love. Something we all need a little bit more of, wouldn’t you say so?

Before you leave… Take a peek at my other articles: