The Inconspicuous Sadness Behind Happy Pictures

And why you shouldn’t let social media depress you.

Perhaps you’ve already noticed that the more time you spend on social media, the sadder and more depressed you’re likely to feel.

Even if you didn’t need a study to confirm it, there is one, and it was published at the end of last year in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine.

What you’ve experienced firsthand is what Dr. Brian Primack, study author, summed up to “scrolling through ‘the reels of other people’s lives, and coming away with a feeling of ‘I don’t measure up.’”

But Can You Tell That You Don’t Measure Up?

Everyone on social media seems to be happier than you. Your life doesn’t measure up to what you see in there. Except it’s because you know little to nothing about those people’s lives.

That second they caught in a snapshot could be the only second they smiled that day. You can’t know, can you?

I recently scrolled through my Facebook newsfeed when I came across a couple of pictures posted by an old acquaintance. We used to be friends, this woman and I, but we parted ways some time ago.

There were pictures of her daughter and son having a wonderful time out in the city. They were visiting museums, eating cakes, bicycling, and it all seemed so carefree that it almost depressed me.

I don’t take my son any further than the small park from the next street, and only when I can tell that most children are at home.

We have a pretty complicated situation, with a grandparent struggling with cancer. And as much as we try to stay optimistic, we’ve felt that life is pretty grey lately.

By looking at those pictures, her life seemed terrific. And then, I recalled all those years of our friendship and all the hurdles she’s been dealing with…

• I remembered how the last time we spoke, she found out that her husband was having an affair.
• She was fighting to leave him or stay, and depression was taking a severe toll on her.
• Her girl was going to therapy, and all she was asking for Christmas was for daddy to come back home to them.
• Meanwhile, this woman was waking up in the morning, between those two beautiful children, unable to find a reason to keep going on.

All these weren’t that long ago. Sure, since we’re no longer in touch, there’s no way I can tell how much of this burden she managed to put behind.

Still, I know her and most of her past enough to remind myself that her happiness may be merely a glaze. She could be just as happy as she pretends to be, or she might have chosen to glaze her sadness in Facebook posts that would make others grey with envy.

And if she’s that happy, how come that she put her happiness on pause to take a picture and show it to the world?

Real Happiness Makes You Forget About Your Smartphone

Or about anything else.

Be honest to yourself — ever had that feeling “OMG, I’m so happy right now that I need to grab my phone and take a pic!!!!!”? Have you? I don’t think I had.

Most of the time, I’m content, not happy.

Yet of all those times I feel genuinely happy, I never want it to stop. To me, pausing to take a picture would mean to make it stop. So I don’t.

I’m well aware of the counter-argument…

It could be that you’re feeling super happy. All of a sudden, the thought that all this will soon go away makes you panic. You tell yourself, “Wait. When this is over — and it will be, soon — I need to be able to remind myself of it.”. And because we don’t trust our senses and memory, we choose to trust our smartphones’ cameras.

It could be an explanation, though I don’t buy it. If you have the time to rationalize it like that, it’s because you’re not genuinely happy at that moment.

“To be happy, you must learn to forget yourself.” — Edward Bulwer-Lytton.

Can you forget yourself and remind yourself to take a picture?

Sure, I’m aware nobody gets to experience this kind of happiness too often. And we shouldn’t feel bad about it. But we need to realize that everyone else who posts countless happy pictures on social media isn’t that happy either.

Takeaways

Those who pause to take happy pictures are not that happy. Understand this, and you will no longer feel depressed while looking at all those blissful photos your friends brag with all over the web.

It’s just like with those gurus who “have” the secret of making millions online. And, instead of keeping it to themselves, living a worry-free life on an exotic island, they spend their time “teaching” you the secret and taking your money in the process.

Those who yell at you from the Facebook newsfeed — “Look how happy I am!” — are most likely concerned that you will notice how unhappy they are and are just trying to prevent you from seeing it.

Don’t let them make you feel like they’re living a life you can only dream of when, in reality, they might as well be living a nightmare.